October 12, 2009

Happy Turkey Day?

I've been sick all week. 9 days, now. The kids were sick too... but it's been really nice to be home with them.

Anytime I am able to spend a significant amount of time with my children, I begin to question the sanity of being a working mom. I LOVE being home with my kids. I actually even enjoy doing housework. After a few days, I start applying my creative mind to the home - chore charts, cleaning schedules, games, decor... and oh, the cooking. I LOVE cooking!! Yes, me, the take-out queen... I love to cook, and I love to bake. In the last few days, I have made a delicious roast chicken, a full turkey dinner, muffins, and cookies. The last time I baked... hmm, probably the last week of my mat leave.

I'm tired of the split-personality thing. I'm tired of feeling guilty. I worry that by the time I figure out what I want - the kids will be grown.

I started Lavish with the dream of working at home... the reality is, Lavish needs a lot more clients before I can make that leap. And in the meantime, I'm unfortunately stuck working 2 jobs, and therefore being even less available for my kids.

And so, I will continue on, feeling guilty and juggling a million balls at once. But I vow that I will make the time for snuggles on the couch, baking cookies and experimenting with new recipes every chance that I get!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm thankful (despite my whining) for everything I've got. This year has been one of the hardest of my life (one challenge after another, broken hearts, new careers, new jobs, lost friends, lost role-models, lawsuits, health issues etc!) but I have never lost sight of those who have supported me - family and friends - and the warm hugs of my kids and husband have helped me keep everything in perspective. I'm so blessed to have such a great family, such great friends... especially my "girls-night" ladies... without our bi-weekly pub nights, I am sure I would have gone crazy long ago.

October 5, 2009

Ugh! I'm having an off day. Today is the absolutely FIRST day in so, so long where I don't really have anything I HAVE to do. Not only that - Cohen and Lili are going with Nana & Papa for the day... Ian is at work... it's just Luci and I. I wish, oh how I wish, that I could just spend the entire afternoon lying on the couch, snuggling with Luci. That's the mood I'm in - especially considering the grey skies and the lightly falling snow outside! And, in light of yesterday and the chaos it brought. But:

I should really take my "loaner" phone back to Market Mall and pick up my repaired phone. And while I'm there I should probably pick up a Christmas present or two.

There is laundry (eternally) waiting to be done.

The kitchen needs cleaning.

Our bedroom looks like a tornado hit it.

My office is a disaster area and I can't stand to work in it until I re-organize everything.

I need to do a ton of bookkeeping for Lavish.

I need to do the family budget. Desperately.

etc. etc. etc.

Tomorrow is Monday, which means that the chances of accomplishing any of the above are greatly increased if I do it today. Otherwise - it'll be next weekend, and we'll have hockey and family dinner and and and to work around.

I did, already, stay in bed until 9am this morning, which was a terrific luxury. I watched a sappy movie that made me cry, too. Perhaps that is the most relaxation I can expect in one day! Plus... who can relax when there is so much to do?

Not me. But maybe if I work really fast, I'll have time for a late afternoon snuggle on the couch with Luci after all. Keep your fingers crossed!


September 26, 2009

I Heart Fall

Well - what a month! Lavish's first 2 weddings are done - check out our facebook group and/or the blog for photos ! I had a great time,and although not everything went perfectly, I sure learned a lot. Now we have one last event for September - Bridal Expo this Sunday. I have no idea how that will go... I can envision a room with 200 guests, but I can't do the same for a 10x10 space! So here's hoping.

My other job is going well. It's difficult at times to split my focus, for sure. The job is really challenging, and I'll admit that there are days when it feels futile. However, I'm sure that the sentiment is shared by most if not all charitable/non-profit arts organizations. The hardest part is making decisions that are unpopular... and making them based not on what will work for this year but what will protect the organization in future years. It's a tough economic time for the arts... and that means cut, cut, cut. Not popular!

The rest of my time... well, there is none. I am consumed with guilt as I have been pretty much absent from my family for the last month. I miss my kids. I miss taking them to their activities. I miss watching movies with them, and snuggling with them on the couch. I miss knowing what was going on at their school. I miss being home for dinner. Or lunch. Or even breakfast.

October will be dedicated to the kids. Reconnecting. The whole reason I started Lavish was so that I could be more available for the kids. Hopefully, this is the last year that I will have to work full time in addition to Lavish. Which is sort of sad, because I really enjoy my job. But my kids need me, and I need them. Anyway, I can't wait for autumn walks, pumpkin carving, turkey dinner, sleepovers in the basement, girls night with Lili, lego competitions with Cohen, and watching Luci grow (she's walking, btw!). Any maybe, just maybe, a date night or two with my incredibly patient husband.

August 17, 2009

It's that time again

It's been a really tough summer, I've gotta say. I was at my most hopeful - meeting amazing people, being involved in amazing projects, and moving full-steam ahead with my business.

Well, things can turn pretty quickly, and betrayal, jealously and professional envy seem to have conspired to take some of the sweetness out of my new-found career. But I've powered (ok, limped) through it, and I'm over it, done done done. I'm focused on my own business and my own creativity and making Lavish a success, following my heard and being the best Planner I can be for my clients, all of whom I love! And that realization - hard fought, I might add - has brought some peace my way... and new clients! Suddenly this week I have booked several consultations, which has re-kindled the spark, and my love for hard work.

The fam and I went on vacation last week - we were booked for 7 days in Fairmont but came home early. We just felt it was time to come home. I accomplished an amazing amount of work while I was there - while the kids and Ian were watching cartoons or whatever. I'll post some pics soon, we had an amazing time and I feel refreshed!

Cohen and Lili start school this Thursday. So early, I know! I can't believe my little Lili is starting Kindergarten, and Cohen is going to be in Grade 2! It's amazing how the time flies. Though I'm somewhat excited for them to be returning to school (no more "mom, I'm BORED!"), I admit to feeling very anxious about juggling 3 kids, a new job (read on), the business and all of the activities that the kids are typically involved in. Usually as September approaches I am super-excited and energetic and ready to go-go-go... not this year. This year I feel tired and somewhat depressed. Maybe it's because the weather was less than spectacular this summer, and now I feel the chill of another long winter approaching. I don't know. I don't know! The kids won't be involved in as many activities this year - possibly, anyways - so that will help. I am excited to see them back on the ice again, and hopefully I'll get used to being a taxi again :)

Luci is amazing... this age is so incredible, developmentally. She's standing on her own, and any day now she'll be walking. She is such a snuggly girl, unlike Cohen or Lili, which I love but is making it harder for me to face a full-time job. She is such a happy girl, and so smart! She says "thank you" whenever you give her something or even if you pick her up when she's sad. She says "hi", and "daddy" and "kitty" and "mama" and "oh oh" and "nose" and "eyes" and, of course, "NO!". I can't get enough of her. She's my little one, my sweet darling Luci!

What else. Oh, the job. I am no longer at Mt. Royal, which is a good thing. Truth be told, I hated that job. The people were great, but I am in no way meant to sit in a cubicle at a desk all day entering codes and grades. I never had to make a single decision, everything was done by the book and there was no need, ever, to think. I used to fall asleep sitting up, hands on the keyboard... I can't handle being braindead like that. So I'm glad. AND, the new position I have (starting tomorrow!!!) is so the opposite! I have been hired as the General Manager of the Calgary Boys Choir. I am extraordinarily excited - it's a big step up, and in the arts, which is where I've always wanted to be. Lots of responsibility and it will be a big learning curve, but I know it's exactly where I should be. The hours are flexible, the pay is decent, I get to be surrounded by music and kids. The group is internationally known, and tour frequently. As it stands, I start tomorrow, and head out to the Banff Centre for a workshop with the kids already next week.

Through all the trials of this summer... I just keep believing that everything happens for a reason, and that there are lessons to be learned in each challenge that I face. I am blessed with the most amazing, sweet children and a husband that is still working to make me smile every day. I have amazing friends, amazing family, and a roof over my head and now a job that I know I will love.

Life is good... with all of the good things, I'm sure I can handle being a taxi driver on top of it all, LOL!

July 14, 2009

Happy Birthday Cohen!

My little dude is 7 today! I can't believe it! He is such an amazing little guy, and I couldn't have asked for a better son. He cares so much about his sisters, and is always careful to include them and care for them. He cares about his friends, and always wants the best for everyone. He is still ok with hugging me, and when I'm feeling down he is always the first to sense it, and he'll hug me and tell me how smart and beautiful I am. He is funny - always telling jokes and trying to make everyone laugh. And how smart! He reads for hours every day now (at the breakfast table, even... reminds me of someone...), and is really intuitive about how things work. He is thoughtful - and creative! I love how hard he tries to think of new things to build and create.

Your entry into this world, Cohen, was not a smooth one, but you have been such an easy child to parent and love. I couldn't have asked for a better start to motherhood - you gave me the confidence to believe I could be a good mom to more than one child! Also, 6.5 years of incredible sleeping habits have been greatly appreciated (there was 6 months, when you were about 3, that were awful, but I forgive you!), and I especially appreciate that you seem to have taught both of your sisters how to be good sleepers as well! Nice work! You inspire me every day, and I love counting the freckles on your nose. I still smell your hair whenever we hug - I've been doing that for 7 years now, and I probably won't stop for a long time. I am still jealous of your eyelashes... sigh. I think that it's a little unsettling that you're almost as tall as I am. Good grief! Thanks also for helping to curb the swearing in our house - you have been smacking us every time we swear since you were 3. That's 4 years of smacking us. We're a little slow to learn - thanks for being patient! Don't worry - in about 6 years, I have a feeling we'll be able to reciprocate. You were the most unexpected surprise in my life, and every single amazing thing that has happened in the last 7 years is because you came into my life. I hope that you understand and appreciate one day what an amazing feat that is.

Happy Birthday, sweet child. I am extremely excited for the next year of your life! 2nd Grade!


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