And baby makes 5

Happy Turkey Day?

2009-10-12T16:57:00.004+13:00

I've been sick all week. 9 days, now. The kids were sick too... but it's been really nice to be home with them.

Anytime I am able to spend a significant amount of time with my children, I begin to question the sanity of being a working mom. I LOVE being home with my kids. I actually even enjoy doing housework. After a few days, I start applying my creative mind to the home - chore charts, cleaning schedules, games, decor... and oh, the cooking. I LOVE cooking!! Yes, me, the take-out queen... I love to cook, and I love to bake. In the last few days, I have made a delicious roast chicken, a full turkey dinner, muffins, and cookies. The last time I baked... hmm, probably the last week of my mat leave.

I'm tired of the split-personality thing. I'm tired of feeling guilty. I worry that by the time I figure out what I want - the kids will be grown.

I started Lavish with the dream of working at home... the reality is, Lavish needs a lot more clients before I can make that leap. And in the meantime, I'm unfortunately stuck working 2 jobs, and therefore being even less available for my kids.

And so, I will continue on, feeling guilty and juggling a million balls at once. But I vow that I will make the time for snuggles on the couch, baking cookies and experimenting with new recipes every chance that I get!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm thankful (despite my whining) for everything I've got. This year has been one of the hardest of my life (one challenge after another, broken hearts, new careers, new jobs, lost friends, lost role-models, lawsuits, health issues etc!) but I have never lost sight of those who have supported me - family and friends - and the warm hugs of my kids and husband have helped me keep everything in perspective. I'm so blessed to have such a great family, such great friends... especially my "girls-night" ladies... without our bi-weekly pub nights, I am sure I would have gone crazy long ago.

2009-10-05T05:41:00.003+13:00

Ugh! I'm having an off day. Today is the absolutely FIRST day in so, so long where I don't really have anything I HAVE to do. Not only that - Cohen and Lili are going with Nana & Papa for the day... Ian is at work... it's just Luci and I. I wish, oh how I wish, that I could just spend the entire afternoon lying on the couch, snuggling with Luci. That's the mood I'm in - especially considering the grey skies and the lightly falling snow outside! And, in light of yesterday and the chaos it brought. But:

I should really take my "loaner" phone back to Market Mall and pick up my repaired phone. And while I'm there I should probably pick up a Christmas present or two.

There is laundry (eternally) waiting to be done.

The kitchen needs cleaning.

Our bedroom looks like a tornado hit it.

My office is a disaster area and I can't stand to work in it until I re-organize everything.

I need to do a ton of bookkeeping for Lavish.

I need to do the family budget. Desperately.

etc. etc. etc.

Tomorrow is Monday, which means that the chances of accomplishing any of the above are greatly increased if I do it today. Otherwise - it'll be next weekend, and we'll have hockey and family dinner and and and to work around.

I did, already, stay in bed until 9am this morning, which was a terrific luxury. I watched a sappy movie that made me cry, too. Perhaps that is the most relaxation I can expect in one day! Plus... who can relax when there is so much to do?

Not me. But maybe if I work really fast, I'll have time for a late afternoon snuggle on the couch with Luci after all. Keep your fingers crossed!

M

I Heart Fall

2009-09-26T06:02:00.002+13:00

Well - what a month! Lavish's first 2 weddings are done - check out our facebook group and/or the blog for photos ! I had a great time,and although not everything went perfectly, I sure learned a lot. Now we have one last event for September - Bridal Expo this Sunday. I have no idea how that will go... I can envision a room with 200 guests, but I can't do the same for a 10x10 space! So here's hoping.

My other job is going well. It's difficult at times to split my focus, for sure. The job is really challenging, and I'll admit that there are days when it feels futile. However, I'm sure that the sentiment is shared by most if not all charitable/non-profit arts organizations. The hardest part is making decisions that are unpopular... and making them based not on what will work for this year but what will protect the organization in future years. It's a tough economic time for the arts... and that means cut, cut, cut. Not popular!

The rest of my time... well, there is none. I am consumed with guilt as I have been pretty much absent from my family for the last month. I miss my kids. I miss taking them to their activities. I miss watching movies with them, and snuggling with them on the couch. I miss knowing what was going on at their school. I miss being home for dinner. Or lunch. Or even breakfast.

October will be dedicated to the kids. Reconnecting. The whole reason I started Lavish was so that I could be more available for the kids. Hopefully, this is the last year that I will have to work full time in addition to Lavish. Which is sort of sad, because I really enjoy my job. But my kids need me, and I need them. Anyway, I can't wait for autumn walks, pumpkin carving, turkey dinner, sleepovers in the basement, girls night with Lili, lego competitions with Cohen, and watching Luci grow (she's walking, btw!). Any maybe, just maybe, a date night or two with my incredibly patient husband.

It's that time again

2009-08-17T08:32:00.002+13:00

It's been a really tough summer, I've gotta say. I was at my most hopeful - meeting amazing people, being involved in amazing projects, and moving full-steam ahead with my business.

Well, things can turn pretty quickly, and betrayal, jealously and professional envy seem to have conspired to take some of the sweetness out of my new-found career. But I've powered (ok, limped) through it, and I'm over it, done done done. I'm focused on my own business and my own creativity and making Lavish a success, following my heard and being the best Planner I can be for my clients, all of whom I love! And that realization - hard fought, I might add - has brought some peace my way... and new clients! Suddenly this week I have booked several consultations, which has re-kindled the spark, and my love for hard work.

The fam and I went on vacation last week - we were booked for 7 days in Fairmont but came home early. We just felt it was time to come home. I accomplished an amazing amount of work while I was there - while the kids and Ian were watching cartoons or whatever. I'll post some pics soon, we had an amazing time and I feel refreshed!

Cohen and Lili start school this Thursday. So early, I know! I can't believe my little Lili is starting Kindergarten, and Cohen is going to be in Grade 2! It's amazing how the time flies. Though I'm somewhat excited for them to be returning to school (no more "mom, I'm BORED!"), I admit to feeling very anxious about juggling 3 kids, a new job (read on), the business and all of the activities that the kids are typically involved in. Usually as September approaches I am super-excited and energetic and ready to go-go-go... not this year. This year I feel tired and somewhat depressed. Maybe it's because the weather was less than spectacular this summer, and now I feel the chill of another long winter approaching. I don't know. I don't know! The kids won't be involved in as many activities this year - possibly, anyways - so that will help. I am excited to see them back on the ice again, and hopefully I'll get used to being a taxi again :)

Luci is amazing... this age is so incredible, developmentally. She's standing on her own, and any day now she'll be walking. She is such a snuggly girl, unlike Cohen or Lili, which I love but is making it harder for me to face a full-time job. She is such a happy girl, and so smart! She says "thank you" whenever you give her something or even if you pick her up when she's sad. She says "hi", and "daddy" and "kitty" and "mama" and "oh oh" and "nose" and "eyes" and, of course, "NO!". I can't get enough of her. She's my little one, my sweet darling Luci!

What else. Oh, the job. I am no longer at Mt. Royal, which is a good thing. Truth be told, I hated that job. The people were great, but I am in no way meant to sit in a cubicle at a desk all day entering codes and grades. I never had to make a single decision, everything was done by the book and there was no need, ever, to think. I used to fall asleep sitting up, hands on the keyboard... I can't handle being braindead like that. So I'm glad. AND, the new position I have (starting tomorrow!!!) is so the opposite! I have been hired as the General Manager of the Calgary Boys Choir. I am extraordinarily excited - it's a big step up, and in the arts, which is where I've always wanted to be. Lots of responsibility and it will be a big learning curve, but I know it's exactly where I should be. The hours are flexible, the pay is decent, I get to be surrounded by music and kids. The group is internationally known, and tour frequently. As it stands, I start tomorrow, and head out to the Banff Centre for a workshop with the kids already next week.

Through all the trials of this summer... I just keep believing that everything happens for a reason, and that there are lessons to be learned in each challenge that I face. I am blessed with the most amazing, sweet children and a husband that is still working to make me smile every day. I have amazing friends, amazing family, and a roof over my head and now a job that I know I will love.

Life is good... with all of the good things, I'm sure I can handle being a taxi driver on top of it all, LOL!

Happy Birthday Cohen!

2009-07-14T19:06:00.003+13:00

My little dude is 7 today! I can't believe it! He is such an amazing little guy, and I couldn't have asked for a better son. He cares so much about his sisters, and is always careful to include them and care for them. He cares about his friends, and always wants the best for everyone. He is still ok with hugging me, and when I'm feeling down he is always the first to sense it, and he'll hug me and tell me how smart and beautiful I am. He is funny - always telling jokes and trying to make everyone laugh. And how smart! He reads for hours every day now (at the breakfast table, even... reminds me of someone...), and is really intuitive about how things work. He is thoughtful - and creative! I love how hard he tries to think of new things to build and create.

Your entry into this world, Cohen, was not a smooth one, but you have been such an easy child to parent and love. I couldn't have asked for a better start to motherhood - you gave me the confidence to believe I could be a good mom to more than one child! Also, 6.5 years of incredible sleeping habits have been greatly appreciated (there was 6 months, when you were about 3, that were awful, but I forgive you!), and I especially appreciate that you seem to have taught both of your sisters how to be good sleepers as well! Nice work! You inspire me every day, and I love counting the freckles on your nose. I still smell your hair whenever we hug - I've been doing that for 7 years now, and I probably won't stop for a long time. I am still jealous of your eyelashes... sigh. I think that it's a little unsettling that you're almost as tall as I am. Good grief! Thanks also for helping to curb the swearing in our house - you have been smacking us every time we swear since you were 3. That's 4 years of smacking us. We're a little slow to learn - thanks for being patient! Don't worry - in about 6 years, I have a feeling we'll be able to reciprocate. You were the most unexpected surprise in my life, and every single amazing thing that has happened in the last 7 years is because you came into my life. I hope that you understand and appreciate one day what an amazing feat that is.

Happy Birthday, sweet child. I am extremely excited for the next year of your life! 2nd Grade!

M

speed-blogging!

2009-07-03T14:30:00.003+13:00

How is it July? Really, how? Where is my life going? Zip, zoom, months, just disappearing!

Things are good. Luci, darling, sweet, wonderful girl, got 6 teeth in 2 weeks. It was really, really fun, I tell ya.

Lili, on the other hand, lost 2 in a week. Now she's more adorable than ever. If possible.

Cohen is growing up on me. Done grade 1, riding a bike, and more mature than I ever was at that age.

Me... busy planning weddings and dreaming big. As usual. Working too much, then coming home and working more. I no longer sleep - I collapse. It's ok though - I feel I'm on the right path.

Ian - I have no idea. I sometimes see him when I wake up in the morning. Apparently, we're still happily married. That's what the text he sent me said, anyways. Vacation looms - we'll actually have time together!

That's it, that's all, I have a client consult in an hour, need to prepare!

M

pit-stop

2009-06-17T17:35:00.002+13:00

what a day! WHEW! so glad it's almost over... but i did want to stop in and say hello. hello!

in short - have a new (well, sorta new) job as an admissions evaluator at mount royal college. LOVE working at MRC (the people are AMAZING, love the 7 hour days, free gym membership, free courses, hour long lunches... nice!). Love that it's so close to home too - suddenly, I'm able to be with my kids for more than an hour every day!

- have a nanny! this is a fun development. we realized that a) finding a daycare that would take the kids on a rotating basis according to Ian's shiftwork was impossible... and b) putting them in full-time care was WAY out of our budget. our nanny's name is Amber and the kids love her, we love her... i especially love her because she does the grocery shopping, folds the kids' laundry and makes them put it away, and she does the dishes. coming home to an empty sink is a huge mood booster, let me tell ya.

- have a new client! Lavish is rolling right along. we're getting totally booked up for the fall, including a bridal fair that is scaring the pants off of me. in a good way! we are also planning a FABULOUS LEGO party for a fabulous kid who is turning 7 in a few weeks. yup - you heard right. Cohen is turning 7! wait till you see the cake... i called in a few favours for this party!

- have some early mornings! i signed up for bootcamp for the entire summer, pretty much. yup, 6am Mon/Wed/Fri you will find me busting my butt in a downtown park. so far i'm loving the actual day of bootcamp (it's so, so, so amazingly beautiful in the city at that hour, and I feel amazing afterwards)... just not loving the night before (aka right now) because it's impossible for me to go to bed before 11. 12 minutes to go, people!

- have Wii FIT! ian's treat this month was this video game. we both feel that we need to get more actual exercise (as opposed to "fake" exercise: chasing 3 kids around 20 hours a day). i have to admit, watching my 6'3" husband do yogo poses is quite erotic.

- have a NO activity clause! well, that's not entirely true. however, ian and i have decided (with many tears from me) that this summer and this coming year, we are taking the kids out of most of their activities. with the business being so young, we need to budget our money like crazy for the first year. we're still working on the details, but i think we'll keep them in one sport and one art. we'll see. sigh.

ok, i think that's it. i have 10 minutes to spare before i turn into a Yorkshire pudding (sorry, i just made several batches of those for cohen's school... never mind, long story), so... off i go. think of me tomorrow morning at 6am... from your warm, cozy beds...

ps - if any of you have ANY LEGO lying around (not the toddler duplo stuff), please please please send it my way!!!! it is impossible to find "normal" boxes of LEGO!

Some Lavish news

2009-05-31T17:49:00.004+13:00

Hello hello!

OK - first of all, DO come check out our lovely website - Lavish is up and running!

And of course, Lavish has a BLOG

We (and by we, I mean my BFF Lee, who has been my best friend for an incredible 23 years now... give or take a few year-long arguments) are SO excited that Lavish is off the ground now... only 5 months ago, the idea for Lavish was born during our bi-weekly girls night out, and since that night, we have been dreaming and planning and spending WAY too much money... and having the time of our lives.

This feels... right. I just have a feeling that this is a good thing. It's perhaps less academic then I would have expected... but hey - I can honestly say that my Event Management courses at Mount Royal have been just as hard - if not harder - than many of my University courses! Probably in part because the expectations that I have placed upon myself are so much higher. I've met some AMAZING people in the program (3 of which will be working as assistants on our events), and discovered a world that amazingly combines my love of all things organizational, stressful, and detail-oriented with my passion for the esthetically pleasing - design and decor.

Plus - I am so amazingly lucky to be involved in the most important day in the lives of many people. Seriously - for someone who is still a romantic at heart - cynicism aside, I still believe - this is a dream job. I get to meet so many awesome couples, and their families. So far, this has been such an eye opener, I'm honoured to be a part of their lives, even for just a year or so.

So far, having my own business has been pretty stressful, but rewarding every day. If it weren't for the kids and Ian, I would definitely be putting in 16 hour work days, no doubt about it. As it is, I struggle to find that elusive work-life balance. My kids have to come first, but I also realize that the harder I work, the more time I will have for them in the long run. Hopefully, I'll be able to work from home exclusively, and thus be available to drive them to school and to their activities whenever possible.

So - a dream comes true, and I am absolutely excited and terrified. (When's the best time to start a new business? Why, during a recession, of course!) I know that there are some sacrifices to come (that's a whole separate post into itself), but I am so grateful for all the opportunities that I have been given so far.

Ooooh - if you haven't seen - here is our logo:

And - here is our promo shot from our recent photoshoot:

If you know anyone who is getting married - destination weddings included - please send them our way!

Happy Birthday, Luci!

2009-05-15T16:57:00.003+13:00

Yesterday was Luci's first birthday. I am absolutely in shock at how quickly the time has passed. Little darling girl! She brings so much joy to us, every single day. I love watching her - and I love watching Cohen and Lili with her. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect family! Have I mentioned how lucky I am? Seriously? Every day I wake up and think of my little family and smile.

1 year old. She FINALLY got her first tooth - on her birthday it finally broke through her gums. I can't imagine how much her smile will be changing over the next few months. She is still no big fan of crawling, but does scoot around on her bum a lot. She loves to stand up with help, and has started expanding her vocabulary beyond "Dadda" and "Kitty" and "oh oh!".

We are so enamored with her, we almost - ALMOST - decided to have one more child. Alas, we've decided (again) that we're stretched as far as we can be stretched (including, yes, my poor body), and we will have to forgo bringing another baby into the family. I know - you all think I'm crazy for even considering it... but we just love being parents, we love babies, we love kids, and we love our crazy life.

Little Luci. I can't believe that she'll be walking soon, and before I know it, we'll have ourselves a little toddler. Amazing.

I will post pictures this weekend - I know, I've said it before... but life is crazy! What can I say!

Cohen is doing really well these days - he reads AMAZINGLY well! He is busy with school projects and soccer these days. I can't believe how tall he is (ok, maybe I can), and all of sudden, tons of freckles! This plus his long eyelashes have made him something of a charmer with the ladies. Ahem, girls. Oh boy.

Lili is... well, Lili. A tornado of emotions, from sunshine to thunderstorm in seconds flat. Always back to sunshine though. She is busy busy with swimming (finally passed level 3 on the 4th try!), drama class (what was I thinking), violin and Kodaly. Spring skating starts next week... just as pretty much everything else finishes. Oh, and soccer... which I can definitely say is not her strong point, but she has fun trying to do cartwheels on the field. She is 5 now - so big! She's tall as well... maybe Luci will be a short Swaffield. Maybe not!

Ian is back to work as of this week, which is one more adjustment in a year that has been chalk full of them. He has a new partner at a different hall... and indeed, a new employer, as Alberta Health Services has taken over for Calgary EMS. Hopefully, it will be a smooth transition for everyone.

As for me? I'm still in limbo. Always! Things are progressing, and I've finally - just yesterday - sent off the last phase of this process, via the Human Rights Commission. I feel very blessed to have so many great advocates on my side through this process, especially through Employment Standards. I feel like everyone is rooting for me, and that gives me the strength to stand my ground. It sure helps that there are so many moms who have been through it. I'm SOOO grateful for the advice of several people who encouraged me to save and print all emails over the years - thanks AGAIN, you know who you are lol! - and I can at least tell Ian that my obsessive "save and print and file" process for emails has paid off! Haha! I am also grateful for those who warned me about trusting too much, way back at the beginning. I almost feel like there were guardian angels looking over me, knowing that something like this would happen. Despite me being completely, utterly in the dark. Sheesh. Well, thanks again, you two. I owe you dinner and drinks! In other news - check back at FatMommy/FitMommy for some upcoming updates, hopefully! Now that it's been a year, it's time to get down to business and get healthy and fit again. Stay tuned!

Hmmm what else. We're excited about the upcoming visit from Ian's mom and step-dad - I can't believe it's already been nearly a year!

I think that's about it for the Swaffield house. Of course we're anxiously awaiting sunny weather so that we can all get outdoors, but hey - it's Calgary, I never anticipate warm weather until June!

Happy Birthday Luci, Happy Spring everyone!

Leonard Cohen

2009-05-05T17:52:00.002+13:00

For my birthday this year, I was absolutely stunned to find myself going to the Leonard Cohen concert in Edmonton. We were unable to get tickets to the Calgary show, but got great seats in Edmonton, thanks to my Dad and Joyce. As an added bonus, since money is so tight these days, a dear, wonderful, fabulous friend offered to pay for our hotel room for the night (thanks Karm!).

I think I was so focused on getting out of town without the kids (it's been 6 years since that happened last), that I sort of forgot about how excited I was to see Leonard Cohen. And maybe, just maybe I didn't really believe that it was going to happen.

But oh, oh it happened. It was so amazing. He BOUNDED on stage - at 74! - and his voice was fabulous. As soon as I spotted him on stage, I started to weep. Totally unexpected. I knew I'd probably tear-up during a few songs, but I did not expect to be so completely overwhelmed by just the sight of him! Amazing! I cried through the entire concert. Each song he played held special memories for Ian and I, and the kids - we sang many, many songs to the kids in the middle of the night throughout the years.

Anyway. He played so many of the great songs, and even treated us to some spoken poetry, which was almost more intimate and breathtaking! The band was amazing, the back-up singers were fantastic, and I couldn't take my eyes off of Leonard the entire time.

And the rest of the audience felt much the same way, I'm sure - there was that amazingly spontaneous standing ovation (musicians know the one) several times. In fact, he played 6 encores, playing for an amazing 3.5 hours. At 74 years old!

It was incredible. As Ian put it - it was the closest thing to a religious experience that he's ever had.

So fantastic.

Anyway - it was a very nice birthday. We spent the next day walking through West Edmonton Mall, and then came home. It was a small trip, but it was nice to spend some time alone with Ian!

31 years old now... which is fine - Ian and I both got ID'd at the concert, hahah! I'm enjoying my 30's so far - so much less anxiety than my 20's - and although the future is still pretty unclear for me, I'm confident that I can handle whatever comes my way.

And, as an added bonus, it's SPRING! I love it.

Which reminds me - Luci is almost a year old! !! !! !! Huh???

Got Work?

2009-05-01T08:16:00.004+13:00

Today my girlfriend remarked to me - "Looking for a job in a recession is akin to finding a needle in a haystack."

I disagree. Looking for a job is no problem. Finding one - well, that's more like finding a Stanley Cup at the Saddledome.

Sigh.

Doin' the happy dance

2009-04-07T16:48:00.003+13:00

Today I got the BEST phone call regarding all of this legal crap, and now I'm doing a happy dance in my living room. It's so nice to hear those magic words "you're absolutely in the right"... even though I knew, it's always great to hear it from someone who will be instrumental in making the official ruling. Now I've got my finger on the switch, and it feels great to have the control for a change! More later! And YES, those pictures of the kids, coming soon!

Bygones

2009-04-04T16:07:00.003+13:00

The last 3 weeks have been extraordinarily trying. I've tried to keep my chin up, and stay positive - but I have to tell you, I haven't slept well at all. And, as a result, this week it has all caught up to me, and I ended up getting quite ill. I know it will take me weeks to get over this one - the stress has just been so completely overwhelming, and I haven't been eating right or working out. So I'm just totally worn down.

Things finally came to a head today. I'm done, finished, kaput. Moving onward. Not looking back.

I have many regrets in the way it ended, but few in terms of my efforts and what I'll be coming away with. It was a position I loved and worked extremely hard at. The learning curve was high, and sometimes I had to be a person that I didn't particularly like towards the students. In the end, though, I'm proud of all I accomplished, and the volume of emails that I am STILL receiving from students makes me all warm and fuzzy! Even students who fought tooth and nail with me - and even wrote negative things about me on feedback forms - have contacted me to thank me for "believing" in them, and for the "tough love". I've even been invited to several weddings!

I will miss the students more than anything.

It's also difficult to walk away when the fruits of my labor, so-to-speak, are about to come forth. The long-awaited accreditation visit. The thing that kept me awake so many nights. I slept with that darn "guide to accreditation" under my pillow for months! And alas, I will not be part of the final effort. Oh well. I wish them all the best, and in a few weeks time, I'll be crossing my fingers that it all works out the way they are hoping.

For those who have NO idea what I'm talking about - feel free to give me a call or send me an email. I can't - rather, won't - go into detail on here, out of respect for (some of) my former colleagues, the students, and also in light of the fact that the situation has now moved beyond the realm of the hypothetical and into the reality of legalities and claims etc etc. Since it is apparent that even my personal email is not safe from snoops, suffice to say that this very public forum is less so.

Ah, but closure is near. I'm looking forward to new challenges and I have faith that whatever road lies ahead will be just as exciting and rewarding as the one I leave behind.

Now, I should get to bed and attempt to heal a little - emotionally and physically!

I PROMISE pictures of the kids this week - especially little miss Luci, who is so beautiful she takes my breath away. Almost 11 months old... impossible!

Who knew?

2009-03-25T13:22:00.002+13:00

I just realized that Lili is going to be 5 in a few short weeks. How can that be? I suppose I should be planning a party! We've decided to hold her birthday party in May, since there are just too many birthdays in April. So, we're going to do a joint party for Lili and Luci. I did ask Lili first - and she seems VERY excited about sharing her party. That probably won't be the case next year, so I'm going to make the most of it now!

In other news... Luci is crawling, albeit only when she's visiting someone with carpet. VERY rarely she'll crawl across the hardwood here... but mostly she scoots around on her bum. And - she STILL has no teeth. Almost 11 months old! Craziness! I LOVE her toothless grin, so I'm not complaining... but it sure does limit the food choices.

Cohen is doing well in school, busy with homework and playdates. Hockey is over for the season, and I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand - it's nice not to have to worry about 2 ice times each weekend... on the other hand, I've never seen him happier than when he's on the ice! I considered spring hockey, but considering everything else that is going on, I'm relieved I decided against it.

Lili is also doing well. Skating is done for fall/winter, but she starts spring skating in a few weeks. She participated in her second competition this year, and won a silver medal! Amazing girl. She is a constant source of amazement for me - I am so very, very lucky to have these 3 amazing children. Not to mention one amazing husband! No matter what else happens in our lives, we are together, and happy.

Ian is enjoying his parental leave so far. He's re-arranged the bathroom cabinets, and so far I've enjoyed coming home to a hot meal. There have been some learning experiences for him in terms of being prepared for things (aka forgetting hockey gear twice in one weekend, and sending the kids to a sleepover without a change of clothing!), but he's learning.

And me? Well, despite the stress of my current situation, I am finding out how incredibly blessed I am. SO many people have come forward to support me. Even some people I would never have imagined doing so for me, and people who are putting their own positions at risk by doing so. I'm so grateful to you all. I did receive notice that things have progressed past the first screening stage, so that's good news for me. At the end of the day, I'm more sad than anything though. It's just so completely unnecessary. But that's not my burden to carry, I suppose.

Monday

2009-03-21T20:02:00.002+13:00

What a FUN week. Really. I've learned more about Human Rights than I ever thought possible. I've met many, many interesting people, and I'm grateful for each of them. I'm grateful that they were all willing to listen to my story, and even more grateful that they all agreed with my perspective. You know how sometimes, when you're personally involved, you wonder if you're losing perspective? Yeah... well, I'm not. In fact, I've learned so much in this last week (ok, who are we kidding, I've been looking into it and doing my research for months, I just hoped that all of that research was for nothing...alas, not so), that I'm thinking about going public with all that I've learned. Seriously, I have to wonder how many other women have been put in this position and have neither the will, the knowledge, the know-how or the resources to do something about it.

Anyways. Things are far from settled, but they will be soon enough. I would LOVE to post specifics, but it's come to my attention that we have a little birdie spying on us here. I know, I know. Sucks. That's ok, though, because one of these days, you might tune into your local news station and see the whole story unravel in front of you. Stay tuned...

In the meantime, I'm reporting to work on Monday. Yup! And you know, I'm looking forward to it.

So much more research to be done!

Oops

2009-03-13T18:17:00.002+13:00

Today, Ian and I were arguing while in the van with all 3 kids. It was a mild argument - to be honest, I have no idea what it was about - but we were raising our voices for sure. There was definitely our usual joking-tone to it: when Ian and I fight, we tend to lean on humour to soften the blow. I also like to wave my hands and yell "aaaaaargggghhhh!!!!!!" but that's beside the point.

Well, we'd reached the point in our argument where we are at the pinnacle of logic and respect:

"SCREW YOU!" I yelled, laughing.
"SCREW YOU!!" he yelled back, laughing.

Suddenly, from the very back seat of the van, a very sick, tired and exasperated voice chimed in:

"SCREW YOU BOTH!"

That would be Lili. I honestly thought that all the kids were asleep!

Ian and I laughed so hard that I almost had to pull over for fear of killing us all.

Still trying to figure it out.

2009-03-04T16:47:00.003+13:00

I'm frustrated! I feel like I've been having this identity crisis for the last year or 5. The problem is, I've always been this way - interested in too many things, able to morph into many different roles.

But this is too much! I just can't be everything to everyone. But how, oh how, do I prioritize? The thing is, I never, ever go halfway with anything. I can't. It's just not who I am. Which leaves me trying to be 10 different things, 100% of the time.

Can't do it.

It's really making me crazy right now. I want to be the mom that is there for their kids 100% - makes them a hot breakfast, drives them to school, makes them a decent lunch, picks them up from school, drives them to their stuff, helps them with their homework and music practice, plays with them, reads to them, etc etc.

Problem being? 1) I have to work and 2) I have to work. Confused? 1) I have to work because we're drowing in stupid student-loan debt and 2) I have to work because when my brain isn't challenged, I go crazy.

More problems - with 3 kids now, daycare in Calgary is stupid. I would say 80% of places I've looked into won't take kids under the age of 3. The other 20% charge a stupid amount for it - like, $1200/mth - so that not only do you feel guilty for leaving your baby with someone, you feel EXTRA guilty because you're essentially working JUST TO PAY someone else to care for your child.

Can't afford to stay home, can't afford to work. What's a mom to do? I KNOW! Start her own home-based-business! Yay! Brilliant!

OK, did that. Yup. And I have a GREAT feeling about it - but I also know that it will be 2-3 years before I have enough steady work to show a significant profit. And oh yeah, did I mention, I'll probably have to work 10-12 hours 6 days/week for the first year. Which, of course, I can't do, because I'll be at my full-time job, working in order to finance my fledgling business and to have some stranger raise my children.

I LOVE work. I LOVE IT! Some days, just for fun, I think it would be amazing to have Ian be a stay-at-home dad. I could work to my hearts content and not feel guilty, right?

HA! I'm a woman! I'm born feeling guilty! No way could I hand off the role of primary caregiver. Nope. Couldn't handle that.

So, what's the answer? Part-time job? Full-time job? Home-business? Stay-at-home mom? Huh? It SUCKS that I spent so much of my maternity leave trying to figure out exactly who I am and what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I TRIED to just sit back and enjoy it - and I did, for the first 3 months or so, but honestly, since then not a day has gone by where I haven't felt this stupid ticking clock hanging over me.

Heck, maybe I should have another baby just to buy some more time. JUST KIDDING!

Someone, help me out here! I'm drowning in self-doubt and guilt and confusion. I keep telling myself that the answer will become clear, it will all work itself out... but the awful truth of the matter is, when I collapse into bed at night and close my eyes, I immediately imagine a scene that I think I long for the most - the image of suburbia, a street filled with stay-at-home moms, sunshine and green grass, home-made lemonade, sprinklers, recipe-exchanges, best friend neighbors, etc etc etc.

Seriously. I love to work, but take me back to a time when my work ethic could be applied to raising children, keeping a clean and organized house, and making delicious meals, and I think I'd be in heaven.

I'm just sayin'. Maybe things weren't that bad.

All right.

Say it ain't so

2009-02-26T06:44:00.002+13:00

yesterday, when i picked cohen up from school, as we were crossing the street i reached for his hand.

he yanked it away.

"i'm not a little kid, mom" he said scornfully.

i hate to admit this, but i actually stopped in the middle of the street and started sputtering at him:

"yes, yes you are still little! what do you mean, 'i'm not a little kid'! you're a little kid until i'm ready for you to be a big kid!"

he walked back to where i was standing, grabbed my hand, and said, "ok mom. maybe i need to hold YOUR hand once in a while, at least until i know you're safely across the street".

smart-ass.

i knew the day was coming, but i admit i'm pretty heartbroken by it. luckily, he'll still cuddle with me on the couch... for 10 seconds at a time.

sigh. they grow so fast. at least my two girls are still willing to cuddle me.

speaking of those girls - miss Luci FINALLY crawled! hurray! i mean, holy crap! time to baby-proof again.

It's so true...

2009-02-17T10:23:00.001+13:00

I Heart Sleep.

2009-02-09T04:50:00.004+13:00

I really have the best of intentions, and then I blink, and 2 weeks has gone by. What craziness!

Life is great! I'm pretty much the happiest I can remember, even as I'm faced with these monstrous decisions as to what to do with my life. I can't believe how busy I am - I actually feel pretty bad that I don't have more time to spend with the kids these days. But really, they see my plenty. I just have to make sure that I get some quality time in each day with each child.

Speaking of those adorable kids... here's some updates:

Cohen -
Cohen is all hockey, all the time! He watches the highlights of every NHL game, plays hockey in our basement, and hockey on his video game, and when it's time for "real" hockey, he is probably the high scorer on his team. He writes out different "plays" in his notebooks, and talks about his favourite NHL stars as though he knows them personally. It's adorable, but I'll admit, there are some days that I just want hear him talk about something else. ANYTHING else! I keep thinking that it's a phase, but it's been about 5 months! I will admit, he is a good little hockey player, but I'm still harbouring hopes that he'll love music equally. Ha. Ha. Ha.
School-wise, he is doing fabulous. I can't believe how much he is reading, and now it's the math craziness! This little 6 year old can do multiplication. And he is constantly looking for "real life" math problems. The other day, for example, he asked me how old I was, and then informed me that he's 24 years younger than me, and did I know that 8 x 3 was 24? And that 2 + 4 was 8, which is kind of neat too, mom.

Huh. I'm pretty sure that my first grade math class was limited to 1+1. Kudos to his teacher!

Lili -
Lili is as bubbly as ever. We withdrew her from ballet for the rest of the year (those Saturday mornings were making neither of us happy, next year the class isn't until 10:45 or so, much easier). She recently started her art class, which is easily her favourite. Skating is going well, she is competing in her second competition this March, which has her very excited. I keep trying to tell her that there aren't any green medals, but she's not convinced.

We also took her out of preschool after Christmas... again. I suppose it's because we were so spoiled with Cohen's preschool, but I have just been completely unimpressed by the 3 preschools that Lili tried. For the amount that you pay (about $150 mth), I would expect the teachers to play a more active role in actually teaching the kids some things. I'm not talking multiplication, (nay, that is for the first grade, apparently!), but at least some skills when it comes to printing their names. How about some crafts that require some creativity? I also was very unhappy with the disorganization and lack of discipline in her last program. Sigh. Oh well, she is busy enough, honestly, she hasn't even mentioned it since we stopped going.

Violin is also going very well. She seems to have a knack for it, which makes my job easier. Of course, last week was tough - she dropped her violin, and it broke into pieces! It was partially my fault - I was trying to get it snuggled into her neck properly, and we both let go of it at the same time. She was hysterical!!!! I couldn't get her to calm down. She was convinced that she would never have the chance to play violin again.
Well, we took it in to be fixed, and they told us it would be anywhere from $200-$500. Gasp. Of course, as is the story of my life, I had only made the last payment on the violin a week prior. The good news is, they were able to fix it (and replace the strings, chin-rest, pegs, and a few other upgrades) and it only came to $200. Phew.

Time to get an area rug to practice on!

Luci!
Miss Luci is almost 9 months old. It actually HURTS my heart to say that - I am mourning so much the passing of these baby-days, knowing that she is my last. She has quit nursing - just refused, and that was that - which I desperately miss. She is days away from crawling, although she seems rather content to scoot around the hardwood on her butt. I'm fairly certain that we're in the final days of enjoying her toothless, gummy grin - the drool factor has increased lately, and she's chewing on her hand a lot.

She is such a happy baby - and I hear that from people all day long. She smiles at everyone, and never cries in public. In fact, she never really cries. And it's no fluke - it's just that we learned from our mistakes! The trick is sleep... and lots of it. From about the time she was 3-4 months, we've worked hard on her "sleep training". The very instant that we spot a sleep sign (rubbing eyes, yawn, even a little bit of crankiness), we scoop her up, place her in her crib, give her a soother, cover her with her blanket, and close the door. She is so used to this, that since 4 months she has known to just go to sleep. It's amazing to watch - as soon as that blanket goes on top of her, she snuggles into it, closes her eyes, and bam. She naps 3 or 4 times per day, usually for about 1.5-2 hours. And, she sleeps for 12 hours every night, from 8-8. Every once in a while she'll wake in the night (around 4 usually), but we give her a quick bottle and put her right back to bed. This probably only happens once a week.

I know. We're SO lucky. But really, it's not so much luck as experience, I swear! And I know things will change a little once the teeth really start coming... but for now, we're quite pleased! I will admit, I miss having her fall asleep in my arms, but...

So that's it for the kids! I'll have to update you all on the lives of the grown-ups later...

It's almost February? Seriously?

2009-01-24T09:10:00.002+13:00

I know, I know. It's been far too long. I can't believe how adding even one small addition to my schedule throws everything out of whack. Clearly I've reached the breaking point, where adding something means subtracting something else! Unfortunately, that something else has been blogging, and to a lesser extent, cleaning my house!

Gone are the sweet, relaxing, nothing-to-worry-about days of my early maternity leave - say hello to the OHMYGOD-I-only-have-7-to-9-weeks-left all out panic. Somehow, I have to figure out what to do with my life in that time. Clearly, I have still work- with a recession coming (and doomsday radio guests telling me to take all the money out of the bank and store it in a safe at home), I have little choice, although once Ian is done his parental leave it will strongly depend on what the cost of childcare ends up being. Speaking of - I checked out the new daycare by my house, and it's $1200 per month for kids under the age of 2. SERIOUSLY???? PLUS $800 for Lili, PLUS $350 for before/after school care for Cohen (assuming they could get him in) PLUS $800 for Cohen in the summer...

Seriously! Now, hopefully I can find a decent dayhome that will take all three for less than $1800, or else we're pooched.

Anyway - there is a small part of me that is looking forward to going back to work. I like using my brain to do things beyond figuring out how to keep Cohen and Lili from arguing over the last juice-box. One thing is for certain:
I love learning!

I'm taking an intro course in the evenings right now, and wow, is it ever different from my University days! I find myself completely riveted to everything the instructor says, and I was excited to do my first project (although it wasn't all that successful...but I took a risk and committed!). I love being back in school, learning new things. I think even when I'm working I'll try and find a way to keep taking this program, even if it is online.

As for the kids - well, Cohen is doing well, although he's somewhat embroiled in Grade 1 politics/popularity issues currently. He's loving hockey - in fact, all he watches on TV these days are sports updates. Lili is doing well also - she started her art class last week (surprise surprise, it's her favourite activity), and is doing very well at violin, although sometimes she learns so quickly that it's hard for me or her teacher to keep her interest.

And Luci... Luci is 8 months old already! What the???? And she's amazing. She's not crawling yet (phew), nor does she have any teeth. And in fact, I just started her on solids (as in, rice cereal and baby food) recently... and I'm SO glad I waited. Very little mess, and she likes everything. Cohen and Lili got started at 4 months... boy, coulda saved myself some trouble and waited!

Anyway, I'll try and post some pictures this week, now that my first project is over I have a little down time.

More updates to come... hopefully!

Dead to the world for a week!

2009-01-13T06:15:00.002+13:00

What a week!!!!!!

Disaster struck. It all started Tuesday, when I noticed the beginnings of a sore throat. I shrugged it off as another cold trying to ruin my day... but I don't have time for colds, so I usually just keep right on going, and the cold gives up.

Not this time.

By the time I managed to get Cohen to Kodaly, I no longer had a voice, and I started to get the chills. Horrible, horrible feeling! When we got home, I managed to convince Cohen to watch Luci, and both Cohen and Lili got themselves a snack, got their PJs on, and tucked me in on the couch. As soon as I got the kids to bed, I attempted to go to bed too. No luck. At all. Of course, Ian was on nights, so I was on my own. Probably for the best, as I tossed and turned all night, aching all over.

Wednesday was a write-off. In fact, Ian didn't go in to work because I was absolutely incapable of looking after Luci. I spent Wednesday and Thursday and most of Friday in bed. Friday eve I was feeling somewhat better, and Ian was having poker night, so I was up and about, making them food and hanging out with Lee. Saturday, I was determined that I was getting better, and made a trip to the mall to return my dishes (they clashed with my walls... but it was all worth it, as I found a set I love even more). Big mistake - when we got home, I was feeling so much worse. Saturday night was absolutely terrible - if I knew it wouldn't have hurt more, I would have cried the entire time. My throat was in agony. I was drinking gallons of ice water with no relief. I was taking about 1200mgs of Ibuprofen each day with no relief. After another sleepless night, Sunday morning I woke up and headed straight for the doctor.

He wasn't impressed that I waited so long. Strep throat, and a severe case of it. He wrote me a presciption, told me to pick up extra-strength Ibuprofen AND Tylonol, and to spend no less than 3 days in bed. (Ha. Ha. Ha.)

I had to cancel girls night (yeah, you know it's serious when...). Cohen had his first "real" hockey game (Ian made me stay home, but I couldn't do it - Cohen looked too sad - so I drove there myself and watched the first 2/3 before I got too cold and had to go home), I missed a friends' daughter's first birthday party... and I feel totally behind on everything.

The house, oh the house. It was a disaster. Last night I finally started feeling human again (aka stoned on painkillers), and in a whirlwind of energy, spent 2 hours cleaning. Of course, I'm paying the price today, but I'm still glad I did it. The only thing worse than being sick at home is being sick in a filthy home.

My throat still hurts a lot - probably I'll start feeling an improvement tomorrow - but the fever is gone, and the world is in focus again. I can't remember the last time I was that sick! It's horrible! At least I know now that I do make a difference in this family... (hopefully Ian knows it too). I am so happy to get back to packing lunches, signing field trip forms, sweeping floors and folding laundry.

And working on my secret project ;) to be revealed soon...

Oh well. Better last week than this week - I start classes tomorrow. Exciting!

Happy 2009

2009-01-05T05:30:00.002+13:00

I despise it when I fall behind on blogging! There is just so much going on, it's hard to keep track of it all!

We had a fantastic Christmas, and having said that, I'm SO relieved it's over. In fact, if I would have had my way, I would have packed up all the decorations on boxing day. It was EXHAUSTING this year! But worth it. We did pack it all up on New Years Day. I'm happy to have my house back to normal. Ha!

For New Years eve this year, Ian and I did... nothing. We dislike fighting the crowds anyways, and trying to find a sitter is pretty much impossible. Instead, we had some of the kids' friends over during the day, and then just drank some wine/beer and played Wii together. It was quite nice.

And so, here we are in 2009. I have a host of resolutions - but I have not yet had a chance to think clearly about them and put them on paper. There are the obvious ones - eating well, exercising... but I think it goes beyond that. Thank goodness I no longer have to add "quit smoking". 2 years this February! Amazing.

I have a lot of major decisions to make this year - mostly related to my career and my kids. I've made one decision already - I'm closing the door on my music career - or furthering it, anyways. My friend Gail put it nicely on her blog recently - basically, music is an all-or-nothing career. I just have too many other interests to give music the attention it deserves. I will still play with the ensembles I'm with, and teach whenever I can.

The first major step in this decision was to go through all of my music stuff. Boxes and boxes and boxes! The hardest step was throwing out all of my grad school applications - beautiful, glossy brochures from Juilliard, Eastman, Arizona, Louisiana... it broke my heart a little. But I kept reminding myself - I'm just making room for new dreams and goals in my life. Holding on to all of this stuff was causing indecision and clutter in my brain and my heart!

Once that was complete, I made a spreadsheet of all of my music supplies, decided which pieces I couldn't life without, and then emailed every flutist I knew. I'm selling it all. All of it! Out of sight, out of mind. I will always be a musician in my soul - and I have no regrets (having said that, I sure wish I'd done a double-degree in business admin or something)... how could I? Most of my closest friends I met through music. I've experienced the most amazing highs playing the flute. I have memories that I will carry with me forever.

So now what? Well, time is running out on that question. Ian wants to take at least 1.5 months of parental leave - which means I might be back at work as early as March 1. My heart breaks at the thought of leaving Luci. However - if Ian makes good on his word, I'll come home to a clean house and a hot meal every night. ! Seriously, I'm hopeful that work isn't as stressful when I don't have to try and do everything else as well.

A few other job opportunities have come up as well, both of which would mean going back to work a lot sooner than March. I feel like a fool, thinking about cutting my leave short, but sometimes there are opportunities that you just can't ignore.

And, I'm planning on taking some courses in the meantime. I've scrapped the idea of nursing - for now - because the reality is that I can't afford 4 more years of school. There's just no way.

I am starting 2009 a completely different person than I was last year. I've done so much thinking since starting my leave! Finally, some time to breathe, some time to look back and more importantly, to look forward. I feel like for the first time in years, I've had a chance to actually sit back, and think! It's like I've been living life in this odd bubble. It's so nice, but it also means I have time to consider all of the options and consequences, whereas typically in the past I would just act on instinct all of the time, and if it didn't work out, well, onward!

And so, I hope you'll keep tuning into this blog to see where the year takes the Swaffield family! So much adventure to come, I'm sure. Luci will be crawling any day (god help us all), Cohen has learned how to read, and Lili wants to take Karate lessons. Ian wants to take a cooking class, and me... well, we'll have to see!

Happy New Year everyone!

2008-12-30T19:30:00.003+13:00

Christmas morning - new clothes etc! Also Christmas day at Grandma's!

A few Christmas Photos

2008-12-30T18:40:00.003+13:00

I am too tired to post much - I've been spending an inordinate time on my laptop doing research and the like (more on that later)... however, before I forget, here are some photos from Christmas this year! The first few are of Ian and the kids painting ornaments on Christmas eve (a tradition - we now have 20 hand-painted ornaments on the tree!) and then there are a few of Christmas morning... excuse the wet face of Luci - poor darling came down with a horrible cold a few days prior to Christmas day!

Violin Recital

2008-12-23T06:29:00.006+13:00

With so much happening this Christmas season, it's hard to keep this blog updated! However, since I have abandoned my Christmas card letters (the cards themselves I still have hope for...), I had best do some updating on here!

Earlier this month we had Lili's very first violin recital! It was all very exciting. She got to wear her Christmas dress, and we spent the afternoon doing her hair and nails (she is a girly-girl, truly). She didn't seem nervous. I was. Anyway, it was SO adorable, seeing the three of them from her Prep class on stage, looking very shocked at all of the people. Funny thing - as soon as Lili walked up on stage, I noticed that she had a HUGE hole in her tights... I'm talking full-knee-hole. Pretty funny! Luckily, her tights were fairly sheer, so not many people noticed!

The Prep Class played 2 songs - the "Taka" song and "See the Pretty Flowers". Lili had these songs down pat - she'd been playing them 3x each every day for months. However, as those musician friends reading this know, the funny thing about performing is that anything can happen.

And, it did.

The first song is played entirely on the open E string. Lili must have got confused, because she moved to the A string for the second phrase. Her eyes got really wide as she realized her mistake, and she immediately looked at me for help. I smiled and nodded in encouragement. She finished the song fine, but I could see the worry starting to work its' way into her brain. The next song requires actually putting fingers down - just one! However, most likely because she was still thinking about her earlier error (oh how many times has this happened), her concentration was off and she forgot to even get her fingers onto the fingerboard. Thus, she played the entire song on the open E and A string. At the end of the song, I could see the fear in her eyes, but she still smiled and bowed.

When she returned to her seat, we heaped praise on her, and she seemed fine. However, later that night, I heard her crying in her room. I snuggled into bed with her, and we whispered back and forth about nothing at all. I waited. Finally, it came. "Mommy...did you ever make a big mistake while you were performing?" "ALL THE TIME" I whispered back. "Mommy... did you ever play the wrong song while you were performing?" "UH HUH" I whispered back, eyes wide. "Mommy... do you still love me even though I didn't do super-good?" "More than ever" I whispered back.

Even though it was a difficult experience, it's one that is smothered in lessons. Don't let your mistakes show...don't let one mistake distract you...anything can happen during performances, so be prepared...mommy loves you no matter how you play...and, always bring extra tights!

She seems eager for her next performance...I know I am! I just hope that she remembers how much fun she had, and doesn't focus on the small, tiny mistakes.

Here are some pictures, and the video of the "taka" song!

More Photos

2008-12-23T06:19:00.005+13:00

Party Over!

2008-12-23T05:16:00.007+13:00

Well, the party is over!

Honestly, it was both a success and a disaster. I baked and baked all week, and had a lot of fun. I ended up leaving 2 planned dishes off of the menu - only because the day of the party the phone started ringing and the cancellations started rolling in. Between delayed flights, illnesses and surprise visits from out of town friends, (not to mention the absolutely horrible weather), the party went from 20 to just a handful. We ended up with 6 people - just not at the same time.

Needless to say, there was more food than necessary. I will admit I was a little sad that all of my careful preparations were pretty much unnecessary. However, I had a great time putting it all together (thanks to a good friend and two bottles of wine the night before!) and have added some of the recipes to my all-time favourites list.

Food aside, we had a great time. I'll admit I started drinking early (read: as soon as the 8th cancellation called), and Ian joined me as soon as he got home from work. It was actually really nice to sit and enjoy an hour just the two of us! Once the guests arrived, we all mingled and ate for awhile. A few had to leave early to go to another commitment, which left us with 5. A perfect number to play Cranium! We had a LOT of fun with that - even if Ian got quite competitive (Ian? Never.) This was my first time playing this, and I thought it was hilarious.

After Cranium we played some Rock Band II, but I didn't get into it as much as usual - Luci decided that she wanted to join in the excitement and refused to go to sleep. So I called it a night and snuggled into bed with Luci... in many ways, it was the perfect end to the evening.

Anyway, I'm not sure that we will host another Christmas party. Everyone is just SO busy at this time of year. I had fun planning it, but with such an unreliable turnout, the cost just isn't worth it.

Here are some pictures of the food... I'm no photographer (honestly, I'm still using my first digital camera, which is about 4 years old this week - and about 4 megapixels) but I'm sure you get the idea.

The menu included:
Vegetable Christmas Tree
Peppermint Merangue Wreaths
Homemade mint fundge
Creme de Menthe Cheesecake
White Chocolate Cranberry Mousse Cake
Devilled Eggs
Rice Krispie Ornaments
Brownie Lollipops
Assorted Chocolates and Candies

The two items I chose not to make were - Christmas Stocking Cake and Garlic Mozza Breadballs.

PS - the veggie tree was my favourite...

Party Prep

2008-12-18T19:26:00.002+13:00

This Saturday we're hosting our Christmas party. We've been hosting a Christmas party since we first lived together (11 years ago, my god), with the exception of the 1 Christmas when we lived in Cedarbrae and 1 year that we were in BC.

The thing about Christmas parties is that they sound like such a great idea in October. You don't think about all of the other events and commitments that you'll have to stress over during Christmas. Playschool parties, gift wrapping, baking, recitals, concerts, playdates, parties... yikes.

I have 3 days still. I think I'm doing ok. The Christmas decorations are up. Cohen and Lili will be having a sleepover at a friends house. I have planned the menu (OOOOOH so much fun!). I have help coming the day of the party (THANKS LEE!). I've already made some of the desserts. The shopping is done.

Still - it's stressful. Some of the baking can only be done the day of, obviously. I want to make sure I get it all done - and would you believe that with the exception of one dessert, every single thing I'm making is new to me? What can I say - I like adventure.

I probably shouldn't stress - because of the time of year, I don't think we'll have a full house. I know we won't have a full house, in fact. It's the last Saturday before Christmas... prime Christmas Party timing. We've been bumped for higher priority parties - staff parties, spouse staff parties, family dinners. We understand...but I sure wish I knew what I could do to avoid this. Other than having it in November or January.

Oh well. Large or small, we'll have a good time. I'm still making tons of food!

In the meantime, I can't forget that I still have a few gifts to shop for, Christmas ornaments to paint for the tree, ornaments to MAKE for the tree, non-party cookies to bake with the kids, at least one snowman to make, and LOTS of wine to drink!

Happy Holidays.

Christmas Card Stress

2008-12-16T05:55:00.003+13:00

One my favourite things about Christmas are Christmas cards. I absolutely love everything about them, especially the ritual of getting them ready. Here's my trusty "how-to" list when it comes to the tradition of Christmas cards:

1 - buy cards. this is only necessary if you don't have time to hand-make your cards. each year i lament that i do not have the time to hand-make my cards. luckily, the kids at cohen's school make them for me. oh yes - ignore the vague notion you have that you bought cards after Christmas last year at a wicked discount. never happened. trust me.
2 - make a list of who you will send them to. make sure you leave at least 15 spaces on the list for a) people you forget and b) people who send you cards unexpectedly.
3 - fill out the envelopes. this step takes at least 3 weeks as you track down the exact same addresses that you spent 3 weeks tracking down last year. of course, you wrote them all in one place and put it "somewhere special". you know. the place where every important document of your life currently resides. relax, you'll find it all one day.
4 - start writing in the cards. remember, it is clearly against the rules to write the same phrase in more than one card. that means you will need to come up with 40-ish different ways of saying Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... and remember to add something personal. Good luck with all that.
5 - if you have children, it is expected that you will include photographs of said children. don't forget to write the name of the child as well as the month and year the photo was taken on the back of each photo. hint: don't use any gel pen. it never seems to dry and smudges whatever you bothered to write. for those who are truly "with it", get a family portrait taken with a Christmas background, and include that. Keener.
6 - spend 3 more weeks writing a family newsletter. this is harder than it sounds - you must be careful not to sound too boastful, too stressed, too happy, too sad, too Christmas-y, not Christmas-y enough... and, you must be able to sum your year up in 2 pages or less. in fact, 1 is preferable, but if you can't do it, don't worry, you're not alone. my letter is typically 5 pages. one you're done writing the letter, you must forget about it for at least 2 more weeks. and then you have to run to Staples to buy fancy paper. and then go back to Staples again, because you will run out of ink.
7 - time to put everything in the envelope. card, photos, letter. oh, and now is a good time to finish addressing the envelopes, which you gave up on after no-one returned your emails requesting their addresses. of course, you have already received their cards, and can now use their return-address label for reference. (note: don't be deceived. this is a nefarious practice utilized by people who want to one-up you by ensuring that you know that they can keep track of address's better than you, and are all-around more organized by you. in retaliation, you will need to hand-make their card. yes, this means going to Staples again.)
8 - take a break to celebrate Christmas with your family. in fact, take a week off. you've earned it.
9 - sometime in mid-January, go and purchase stamps. in fact, you might as well purchase next years cards while you're out, probably at a wicked 50% discount. put these "somewhere special".
10 - on Valentines day, mail them. go eat chocolate and drink wine - you've earned it!

TOO funny!!!!

2008-12-13T09:04:00.000+13:00

High Praise

2008-12-10T17:40:00.004+13:00

Here is the article that was recently in the Herald regarding Cohen`s school. High praise, indeed! Have I mentioned how completely inspired I am by his school...

Link to the Article

Learning through art leads to a fuller life

By Eugene Stickland November 15, 2008 - Published in the Calgary Herald

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to visit the Calgary Arts Academy--a gem of a school in the city's west end. I had been asked to give a speech that same evening to friends and staff of the school on the theme of the importance of art in our society.

The Calgary Arts Academy is the only school of its kind in North America. Students learn about all subjects through the fine arts, not the other way around. It's a noble experiment. Yet as the school is in its seventh year, it's beyond being an experiment. It's an idea whose time has come.

There are no desks at this school. There is student-generated art everywhere. Classical music playing from the speakers.

The effect of the colours, the textures, the beauty and the energy one feels in the corridors is almost overwhelming. It's like when you walk in the door, you are visiting a magical kingdom where the children have been allowed to create the environment, with maybe just a little help from the adults.

It's just so far removed from the grim institution that I attended when at elementary school. I remember the monotonous buzz of the neon lights, the squeaking of chalk on the blackboard and the hiss of the radiator. A couple of fights at recess. The rest is but a blur.

What follows is an excerpt from my speech. I began by referring to a piano teacher I had in university, who said to me one evening, over a number of Pernods, "Art is a way of life."

Strange words to be spoken in Regina in the late 1970s.

It's a concept I've been exploring in the intervening three decades.

Yet maybe exploring is almost too active a verb, because if you truly believe in the power and processes of art, then maybe you just end up living it--good or bad. Some days I'm not sure which, because it's never an easy journey.

What our politicians and funders don't seem to realize is that at the end of the day, the events and concerns of a society are by and large forgotten; fortunes made and lost don't really figure into the final measure of a time or place. Only art does.

One thinks of the broken statue of Ozymandias in the desert. There's a poem that should be required reading for prime ministers and the CEOs of large corporations. "Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" And yet there is nothing left of the mighty king, but for the statue, a work of art created by a sculptor: "The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed."

There's another sentiment about art that I find interesting. My favourite quotation, the words I live by on a day-by-day basis, are by the Irish author Samuel Beckett who said, "No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

Maybe the study and creation of art remind us that we are not perfect, we do fail and, yet, if we do as well as we can, then we haven't really failed at all. This is a radical notion to those who routinely sacrifice the journey to the end result and who grow old very quickly.

As the American poet E. E. Cummings (who did capitalize his name) once said, "and even if it's Sunday may I be wrong, for whenever men are right they are not young."

Life is short, art is long. Perfection is an illusion. We all know this. I'm preaching to the converted.

Obviously, living as I do, I have a deep respect for the goals and aspirations of the Calgary Arts Academy, and everyone involved with it, from those who help run it and fund it, to parents with the vision and courage to place their children there, and of course the students themselves.

One hopes that whatever they become-- artists or prime ministers, perhaps--they will take into the world a healthy attitude toward living, and everything that goes with living. The most important thing, the thing that living should be about, and yet something we seldom talk about because most people have forgotten how to do it, is the act of creating something from nothing.

Once a person learns how to create something from nothing--be it a painting, a poem, a song, a movement across a stage--then he or she has the skills to create his or her individual self. And from there, can create family, community, society.

It is so much more interesting to create than simply to consume, or even worse, to tear things down.

I believe that places like the Calgary Arts Academy--although I realize after my tour that there aren't really any other places quite like the Calgary Arts Academy, anywhere --so maybe I mean the study of the arts in general and the acquisition of knowledge through the arts--helps to form the kind of people we want in our midst, who will make this city and this world a better place for all of us.

Like the school itself--a world that's kinder, safer, more beautiful and oh, so colourful.

Eugene Stickland Is A Calgary Playwright

Violin Lessons - Halloween Photos

2008-12-09T08:54:00.003+13:00

These are a little late, but cute nonetheless!

Lili's First Recital

2008-12-08T18:20:00.004+13:00

This Tuesday is Lili's first music recital. It's a big deal! I can still remember my first recital. Of course, I was 15, not 4! Regardless, she has been working so hard for the last month, and it's amazing to see the progress she has made since September, thanks largely to her fantastic teacher!

Here is a video of her playing "The Monkey Song". It's not her best (as soon as the battery died on the camera, she played it flawlessly), but it's still pretty darn good, in my totally non-biased opinion.

Santa, Take 1

2008-12-08T04:34:00.004+13:00

We recently attended Ian's EMS Christmas party. It was a little strange, I must admit. First, it was in November (the 30th). Second, it was a balmy 10 degrees that day. Third, the party started at 11am. Yup. I don't know about you, but I am SO ready to party at that hour. Yes, it was a kids party, but still!

Actually, we didn't end up even leaving the house until noon. There was just no way we could get all 3 kids ready to show off (let's be honest) before noon.

The party was ok. I'll admit, I was quite disappointed. The location was terrible (I won't say where we were, but try and guess: I asked Ian if bullet-proof vests would be handed out at the door). The decor was slim to none. There was no Christmas music. Food-wise - boxed cookies, candy canes, and for the main course... Pizza Hut.

Seriously?

For the kids, there was a FANTASTIC face painter (if I'd caught her name, I would have put a nice plug in here for her!), and a bouncy-castle. Oh, and Santa.

I was pretty disappointed. Ian defensively mentioned that the party was planned by a handful of men.

Oh. I see.

I may offer to help out next year.

Anyway - as we were driving home, I got thinking. About all the changes I'd make, how I'd execute them, and what could possibly go wrong. Yup, I pretty much had the spreadsheet done in my head before we got home.

Which made me realize, hey, maybe I should start my own event-planning business? Mount Royal has a diploma in event planning... which I could do, even though I'm confident that I could stumble my way through without it. I wouldn't do corporate events (not to start, anyways), but I could focus on planning kids' parties for busy moms. Retirement parties. Christmas parties!

I would LOVE it.

So, I'm thinking about it. In January I'm taking "Intro to Event Planning" online, and we'll see how I feel after that. This spring, obviously, I have to go back to work, so I'd have to find a way to manage in my spare time. Don't laugh!

Here are some pictures from the party!

Best Chocolate Cake

2008-12-08T04:20:00.002+13:00

I've been getting behind in posting... Such a busy season!

As promised, here is the recipe from the amazing cake that I made for Ian's birthday (she says, modestly). I found this recipe written on a scrap of paper in my box of random recipes. I have no idea who wrote it down, where I got it, or where it came from. It's a mystery. I'm glad I went for it. This cake was extraordinarily rich, moist, and is for serious chocolate lovers only. I was suspicious at first because the recipe calls for cocoa powder rather than "real" melted chocolate, but it didn't matter.

In the interest of time, I used just a standard icing recipe (you know, the one that's on the bag of icing sugar). Next time, I plan on being a little more creative with the icing.

Note: This is a 3-layer cake - luckily I had had 3 cake pans, but if you have to, you can bake this one layer at a time.

* 2 cups boiling water
* 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (use a high quality brand)
* 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 2 teaspoons baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup butter, softened
* 2 1/4 cups white sugar
* 4 eggs
* 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease 3 - 9 inch round cake pans (I grease with shortening, and then cut out a round piece of wax paper and place it in the bottom of the pan. Just don't forget to remove the wax paper before icing... trust me on that one.) In medium bowl, pour boiling water over cocoa, and whisk until smooth. Let mixture cool. Sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt; set aside.
-In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at time, then stir in vanilla. Add the flour mixture alternately with the cocoa mixture. Spread batter evenly between the 3 prepared pans.
-Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes. Allow to cool.
-Frost each cake and layer together (trim top off cakes to keep level)

Here's my finished product:

Save Me

2008-12-08T04:12:00.005+13:00

From my laundry. Here's the mountain that awaits folding. And this is only about 1/4 of it.

Ready, Set, GO!

2008-12-01T18:13:00.002+13:00

Tomorrow is December 1st. I have to admit, the thought of December being here already sets of little ribbons of panic in me. This is when things in my life have a tendency to get out of control slightly - eating, spending, parenting, baking, etc etc!

So I'm trying to keep some semblance of control here, but I totally feel like time is slipping away from me already! I need to schedule some big blocks of time to just get stuff done. Yeah, I know, with a 6 month old!

Tomorrow, I thought. Tomorrow I can get some major stuff done. Oops, not tomorrow, I volunteered at Lili's school in the afternoon... and I have a doctor's appointment in the morning... and Lili has swimming lessons in the evening.

You see what I mean.

So, if you don't receive your Christmas card from the Swaffield's until January, please be sympathetic! They are on the list... but the list is long!

Parent/Teacher Interviews

2008-11-28T17:30:00.002+13:00

Yup, it's that time again. We recently received Cohen's report card - very positive, almost all subjects were graded "above grade level". Except two - Dance and Music. WHAT? MUSIC? Yeah. Sigh. Apparently he's only "at grade level". Sheesh.

Anyway, today we had the parent/teacher interviews. I'm very happy to say that it was actually JUST a parent/teacher interview - none of this "student-lead conference" crap. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer the teacher to be candid with me, and I don't think that this can be done with the child present.

It was a great interview. Cohen's teacher had nothing but positive things to say - he's quiet, funny, cute, gets along well with everyone, and is doing well in all subjects.

(Um... is this the same kid that I fight with every day? The one who gives me attitude and throws temper tantrums? Sigh. I suppose I ought to be glad that he's behaving at school. Perhaps he works so hard on being good at school that he just needs to blow off some steam at home. Too funny.)

Where was I. Oh yes - and, to my immense pleasure, she recommended that Cohen work with the Grade 2's for Language Arts, as he is doing exceptionally well with his reading.

This is a hard-fought victory. We've been working with Cohen on his reading since Kindergarten. At first, it was such a disaster - he would immediately burst into tears anytime that we asked him to try to sound out a word. One thing about Cohen - he HATES doing anything that he is not completely confident in. So, we backed off and just continued reading to him, trying again every once in a while. This year, there is such a big focus on reading in his class, and I think it helped him to see that everyone was struggling just like he was. We started working harder - 15 minutes every night, sounding out words with him, pointing out repeated words, etc etc.

Lately, in the last month or so, he has just flourished. He reads EVERYTHING - newspapers, any words on TV, signs, boxes, cartons, containers... He is also continuously asking me to spell words, or spelling them out for me to decipher. (this drives me crazy, but I try hard to be patient).

Understand - I believe that excellent reading ability is an absolute must for all of my children. I myself was an early reader, and voracious one at that - I read far beyond my grade level, and couldn't stand not having a book on the go. I am also a very fast reader - tested at nearly 650 wpm. Being able to read well - and so quickly - helped me so much through school. Never mind the wonders it did for my imagination!

So, you see why it's so important to me. I desperately wish to pass on the love of reading that has been passed on to me through the generations. Ian loves to read as well...so the odds are in our favour!

Lili has been trying to read for a year. She has hundreds of books, and sometimes I wonder how she manages to sleep when her bed is covered in books each night. In a way I feel bad - if I put more effort into it, she could probably be reading by now. However, there are only so many hours in each day. She sits with us when we work with Cohen, so I'm certain she's picking things up along the way.

So proud, Cohen! What an amazing little boy. What a painless interview! "He's doing great, I love having him in my class, any questions?" is pretty much how it went!

The Good, The Bad, and The UGLY

2008-11-26T07:00:00.004+13:00

I've had a few people this week comment on my previous post about our "Music Practice Time". Comments have ranged from kudos to disbelief...and one rather odd anonymous comment stating that I'm pushing my children too hard and they will grow up to resent me for it.

Well, to that person (whose comment I deleted, thank you very much) I would say that yes, I do push my children. I push them to work hard, try their very best, and bask in the rewards of success AND failure, which are, in my humble opinion, equally important.

A good example of this lesson came yesterday at Lili's swimming lesson. Last week, at the end of class, the teacher had all of the children jump off of the diving board. Lili has done this before, but not for several months. Last week she walked to the end of the board, and stood there for what seemed an eternity. Ian and I were frozen in the stands, silently urging her on. I could see that her teacher was talking to her, and I could also see that Lili wasn't listening - she was focused 100% on the water below. After a few minutes, she walked back to the ladder and it seemed that she was going to climb down. However, I could see her actually clench her fists, and then she walked back to the end of the board, took a deep breath and jumped.

I was overcome with pride - not only that she jumped, but that she came so close to giving up and made that decision to try it anyway. After class I asked her what she was thinking while she was up there. She said "my body was scared... but my brain kept telling me 'try, try again'". Success! Something we've long strived to teach our children has stuck!

Now, in case everyone out there is thinking that I'm either a) a super-mom wannabe or b) full of bs, let me tell you about yesterday's swimming lesson and indeed, the subsequent "Music Practice Time" that followed.

Yesterday, Lili got on the diving board and once again walked to the end. She stood there, once again, for a long period of time. Longer, even, than last week. I could tell because the kids waiting in line behind her were actually yelling at her to jump. Her teacher was gesticulating like crazy. Lili just stood there. And stood there. And stood there.

Finally, after what must have been a solid 5 minutes, she gave up and climbed back down the ladder.

My heart sank.

After class, I asked her again what she was thinking about. This time she replied "Mom, I was sure if I jumped I'd sink down to the bottom". "Lili," I reminded her, "you were wearing a life jacket, you can't sink" "OH YEAH!!!!" she laughed, "next time I will make sure my brain remembers that".

Huh.

When we got home, the kids were hyper. Ian and I tried to get them calmed down so that we could have some good practice time. Well, let me tell ya - we had practice time all right... after 3 time-outs and one very poorly-thought-up bribe involving ice cream before bed.

In case you don't know, solfege sung through tears is a pitiful sound.

This doesn't happen often here, but it does happen. I don't want them to be turned off of music because of these infrequent bad evenings...but on the other hand, if they think that they can get out of practice time just by acting up, well, then I'm really in trouble.

So, rest assured - practice time is not always a walk in the park. I'm strict about it though, I'll admit. I'm hoping that regular practice time is paving the way for regular homework time. We always follow regular practice time with regular reading time (followed by regular brush-your-teeth-time, and let's not forget regular whine-because-we're-not-tired-but-it's-bedtime time).

And don't forget - I've had a few years to develop the routine that works for us! Cohen has been in Kodaly for 3.5 years now, and I can honestly say that this is the first year that we are not practicing his songs for the first time while driving to class. I think a lot of it has to do with me being home this year.

We're not perfect... no-where near. But I'm proud that we've made music a priority in this house. I know that as reluctant as they may be now, they'll thank me later.

Which reminds me... thanks mom and dad!

Well Said

2008-11-25T07:38:00.001+13:00

Empty Nest

2008-11-25T07:20:00.002+13:00

It's 11:20am, and I am all alone in the house.

I can count on one hand how many times this has happened in the last 6 years.

Ian has taken the kids on the bus downtown for an adventurous day of buses, trains, turtles (at Devonian Gardens) and who knows what else.

I am on my own for at least 3 hours. Possibly more.

And

I haven't a clue what to do with myself. The strongest urge is to clean house... but I promised I wouldn't do more than 30 minutes of that. I have a new book... and I vow to spend at least 45 minutes with it. I should probably go shopping for Ian's birthday, only 4 days away. Also a good chance to get some stocking stuffers purchased. But somehow the idea of spending my time in a noisy mall seems to defeat the purpose.

Maybe I'll take myself out for lunch. Get a manicure. Hah. No, can't justify that.

I could make some serious headway in the laundry. Go through the kids' clothes and make room for winter stuff.

I'm paralyzed with indecision.

Date Night

2008-11-23T10:52:00.003+13:00

With only a few days remaining in Ian's vacation, we figured we should probably try and have some alone time together. It has been over 6 months since our last "date", and lord knows we deserve some off time. My dad and step-mom graciously offered to take Cohen and Lili overnight, and even to watch Luci until 11pm or so.

The date got off to a rough start - Ian and I were bickering most of the day, and were pretty worn out from the usual array of cooking, cleaning, feeding, driving, comforting and the like that goes into a typical day of parenting. We almost decided to cancel date night.

However, the promise of a meal cooked by someone else and no dishes to wash convinced us to hang in there.

We went to Olive Garden for dinner. This, for us, is fancy dining. Basically, if the napkins aren't paper, we're impressed. It was packed there, so we decided to eat at the bar rather than wait for a table and potentially be late for the show afterwards.

Dinner was great - we stuck to our old scheme from University, whereby you eat as much of the unlimited bread and salad as you can, and then eat only a few bites from the entree, getting the rest of it to go. This allows you to spread the eating-out experience over two days.

I had been in charge of planning what our main entertainment for the night would be. Typically we see a movie, but there was nothing I was interested in seeing. We tossed the idea of going to the symphony back and forth, (it was, after all, Beethoven's 2nd and 3rd), but neither of us were in the mood to dress nicely and act civilized. We considered bowling, but I didn't feel like doing anything that would bring out Ian's nasty competitive spirit (it's actually quite funny, but I'm equally competitive, so it can get pretty tense when it's just the two of us).

Eventually, I had a great idea, one from my teenage years. I decided to keep it a secret (not because I wanted to surprise him so much as I didn't want to give him a chance to poo-poo my idea). I finally told him after dinner, as we were leaving. His response - "oh, that sounds like fun... I'd kind of like to go home and just hang out though".

Nuh-uh. Dammit this was our night out, we're going! He reluctantly agreed, and off we went.

Where, you ask? Loose Moose Theatre, to watch some Theatresports. I used to LOVE going when I was in junior high and high school, but for some odd reason I haven't been in a decade. If you don't know what Theatresports are... well, did you ever see the show "Whose Line is it Anyways?".... I much preferred the original British version (as always) but the Drew Carey version was funny as well. Anyways - that's an idea of what Theatresports are like.

We arrived at the Theatre an hour early (go figure), and decided to wander around a little. Well, oddly enough we wandered into this deserted lounge area. The lights were all off, but there were several arcade games there, including my favourite, Police Academy. Well, GAME ON! We spent the next 45 minutes laughing hysterically at my poor skills. It was great. The last time we played Police Academy was on our honeymoon cruise!

When we reluctantly left the arcade games, it was time to go into the theatre. It was a great deal - $12 admission, with a wacky array of snacks for sale as well (we went with water and twizzlers, at a cost of $2.25 total).

The show was great. It was JUST as I remembered - you never know what to expect, but you know it's going to be funny. Ian and I were both wiping tears of laughter off of our faces all night. Fantastic fun. I'm not one for comedy, typically, but improv just does me in.

Afterwards we came home, cleaned up, and went to sleep (no, really). I woke up this morning to him serving me breakfast in bed... amazing what a night of good food and laughter can do for a relationship!

Date night was a success... and I think we'll be making many trips to the Loose Moose in the future!

So You Want To Have Children?

2008-11-21T07:15:00.004+13:00

This is hilarious, and all too true.

So You Want To Have Children?

Posted using ShareThis

Preparation

Women:

* Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
* Leave it there.
* Every week, add another beanbag.
* After 9 months, remove 2 beanbags.

Men:

* Go to your pharmacy.
* Empty your wallet on the counter.
* Tell the pharmacist to help himself
* Go to the supermarket.
* Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their front office.
* Go home.
* Read the newspaper… for the last time.

Knowledge

* Find a couple with children.
* Berate them about their lack of discipline, lack of patience, low tolerance, and how their children run wild.
* Suggest how they can improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and general behavior.
* Enjoy it while it lasts. It's the last time you'll have all the answers.

Nights

* Turn the radio on to some loud screaming station.
* Walk around the room from 5 to 10 PM carrying a 10 pound bag of wet goo while the station screams.
* At 10 PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
* Get up at 11 and walk the bag around until 1 AM.
* Set the alarm for 3. Since you can’t get to sleep, get up at 2 and make tea.
* Go to bed at 2:30.
* Get up at 3 AM when the alarm goes off.
* Sing songs in the dark until 4.
* Set the alarm for 5. Get up when it goes off.
* Make breakfast.
* Repeat for four years. Look cheerful!

Dressing Small Children

* Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
* Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
* Time allowed: 5 minutes.

Cars

* Sell the BMW.
* Buy a 5-door wagon.
* Put a large chocolate ice cream cone in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
* Put a peanut butter sandwich in the CD player.
* Mash a box of chocolate cookies into the back seat.
* Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Going For a Walk

* Wait.
* Go out the front door.
* Go back inside.
* Go outside.
* Come back in.
* Go outside.
* Walk down the front sidewalk.
* Walk back up it.
* Walk down it again.
* Walk very slowly along the street for 5 minutes.
* Stop at every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead bug along the way. Inspect each minutely. Ask at least 6 questions about each.
* Retrace your steps.
* Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
* Give up and go back into the house.
* Repeat for 5 years.

Patience

* Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Grocery Shopping

* Go to the supermarket. Take along the nearest thing to a pre-school child: a fully grown goat. (If you plan to have more than one child, take more than one goat.)
* Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) get out of your sight.
* Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Feeding a 1 year-old

* Prepare a bowl of cornflakes.
* Hollow out a melon through a small hole in one side.
* Suspend the melon from the ceiling.
* Swing it back and forth.
* Spoon the soggy cornflakes into the swaying melon while making airplane noises.
* When at least half of the cornflakes are gone, pour the rest on your clothes and the floor.

TV

* Learn the names of every character from every episode of the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies, and every Disney movie.
* Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Cleanliness

* Smear peanut butter on your sofa.
* Smear jam on your curtains.
* Hide a fish behind the stereo. Leave it there all summer.
* Stick your fingers in dirt. Rub them on your walls.
* Color your other walls with crayons.

Traveling

* Make a recording of someone shouting “Mommy!” over and over. (There may be no more than 4 seconds between each shout.)
* Include the occasional crescendo to the approximate decibel level of a fighter jet.
* Play this tape in your car continuously the 5 years.

Conversations

1. Start a conversation with another adult.

2. Have someone else continually tug on your pants and shirtsleeves while playing the tape prepared above.

Get Dressed

1. On a day when you have an important meeting, wear your nicest work attire.

3. Put 1 cup of lemon juice into a cup of cream. Stir.

5. Pour half of it on your shirt.

6. Saturate a towel with the other half.

7. Attempt to clean your shirt by rubbing it with the saturated towel.

8. Do not change clothes. You're late already!

9. Go directly to work.

You are now ready to have children.

6 Months

2008-11-18T07:22:00.003+13:00

I'm a little late on this, but a week ago, Luci was 6 months old! I'm in utter and complete shock about it. I knew it would go fast, but this is absolute craziness. She's so big! So sweet! So many changes already. Here are some of the things I miss already:

Having her curl up on her tummy and fall asleep on my chest.
Snuggling just because.
Hearing her chuff and coo (nowadays she mostly squawks and screeches).
Her wrinkly feet.
That smell. You know, THE smell. Newborn smell.

Here are some of the things I love about this age:

Giggling.
Eating (and I use that term loosely) rice cereal.
Baths - I end up just as wet as she does!
Sitting up.
The way she stares into my eyes and touches my face.
Her ability to bounce herself in the bouncy chair (third-child syndrome - self-sufficiency)
The fact that she can't crawl or speak yet.

I love Luci. I love her so much that there have been a few weak moments where both Ian and I wondered if maybe another child wouldn't be so bad. I know! Craziness. But, we've both agreed that short of winning the lottery, we just can't do it.

I love being a mom - and I love being home with her. I am SO much more relaxed the third time around. I can't believe how easily she fit into our lives. For anyone out there considering a third child, my advice is, go for it! I will admit that I am glad we waited as long as we did.

Little Luci. 6 months! Darling girl. I can't wait to see who you are at 1 year, and every year afterwards. Your sister and brother still surprise me every day, so I can only imagine how interesting life is going to be as you all grow.

Why I Can't Live Without Girls Night

2008-11-17T18:07:00.003+13:00

Every second Sunday at 6:30 (or occasionally, like tonight, 5:00), you will find me at the neighborhood pub. I'm typically there for 3 or 4 hours, and it is the most important 3 or 4 hours of my week.

Sometimes I'm there with 5 or 6 or even 7 people, and sometimes just with 1. Doesn't matter - it is equally enjoyable either way.

Sometimes I'm with my closest friends, and sometimes I'm with someone I've just met, or a friend of a friend, or a neighbor.

Sometimes we talk about our kids (although not all of us have them), our relationships, our anxieties, our fears. We catch each other up on what was missed if someone was absent at the last gathering. We bring news from those who cannot make it for a night.

We laugh, giggle, chuckle. We offer advice, support, humour, kindness and inspiration.

We drink, enjoy great food, and more often than not, share delicious apple pie at the end of the evening.

I can't tell you how much I look forward to every second Sunday. It's a chance to be more than a mom, more than wife, more than a cook, more than a housekeeper. It's a chance to be a friend, to the most amazing women.

So ladies, if you ever need a chance to be a friend, give me a call, and clear your schedule on every second Sunday evening!

Music for Breakfast

2008-11-17T05:53:00.003+13:00

This morning my son Cohen demonstrated just how complete and sound his understanding of form in music is.

He pointed out that the form of our breakfast was A, A, B, B, B variant, B variant.

That would be waffle, waffle, toast with cheese whiz, toast with cheese whiz, toast with peanut butter, toast with peanut butter.

After a long night with Luci (she was up from 3am - 7am), that little bit of humour went a long way to making me feel human again. That, and the massive cup of coffee I'm still working on!

Orchestra Olympics

2008-11-14T18:30:00.002+13:00

Today I was the class chaperon for Cohen's school trip to the CPO. I've been very excited about this - I actually volunteered last year, and then was unable to get the day off work. Luckily, Ian was able to take my place last year, but Cohen was mad all the same - he's proud of the fact that I'm a musician, proud that I know all of the instruments and many of the members of the CPO etc etc. Anyway, last year, I PROMISED him I would volunteer this year...but go figure, when he came home with the news that they were going to the CPO this year, I was booked to teach a clinic... in Caroline!
I tried desperately to find a sub, and couldn't. A week prior to the event, I had to make a decision. I sat down with Cohen and tried to gauge how important this was to him. Answer? VERY important. So I had to back out of my clinic, which is never good.

Regardless, I was excited for today. Despite feeling somewhat under the weather (after a few cups of tea, I was feeling somewhat human), Cohen and I were all smiles as we drove to school today. I elected to stay and visit his class for the first hour before the field trip started, and I'm SO glad that I did. Cohen's teacher let me work with the class a bit, talking about all of the instruments, concert etiquette, etc. I also was able go through this book with them - what a GREAT book! I have ordered it for our family already.

Today was important for many reasons - besides loving spending time with Cohen in the classroom setting, it was musically important as well. We spend a lot of time here learning about music - from 7pm - 8pm every night, it's music practice time. With the kids involved in so many aspects of music, we typically rotate activities and kids (when Ian is home... when he's not, it typically takes me more than an hour). I'll work with Lili on her Kodaly songs/lessons, while Ian helps Cohen with his piano homework. Then, I'll work with Cohen on his Kodaly songs/lessons (which are QUITE intense at level 3) while Ian helps Lili with her piano pieces. Finally, Cohen and Ian act as an audience while Lili practices her violin (a big part of her lessons is playing in front of an audience, so we applaud after every piece, and she bows). I'll end the violin session with a few games that both kids can participate in (thanks Theresa). Then we all take a turn on the violin (Ian, I'm proud to say, is the resident virtuoso-in-the-making. No joke, he seems to have an incredible natural instinct for the violin).

I then sing/sign a few solfege melodies and have the kids sing/sign back to me (I'm ashamed to say that they are all ready better than at least half of my first year University musicianship class). We finish up with more fun - listening to music with our eyes closed, and then talking about how the music makes us feel or what stories come to mind.

(I have to mention here - amazingly, last night we listened to Barber's famous "Adagio for Strings". Cohen, when asked what it made him think of, he said "soldiers fighting and dying"- guess the writers of the movie Platoon had it right on!)

Anyway - it's a lot of hard work and sometimes it's like pulling teeth - but once we all get into it, it's typically an amazing hour in our house. The TV is off, the computer is off, and it's pure, 100% family time. And through music! I love it! On nights that the kids seem especially reluctant or tired, we'll spend more time on the games and less time working on notes. Thanks to the incredible teachers that my kids are blessed with, our practice time is usually fun and varied - we have a large felt stave and felt notes, to help the kids learn their letter names. We use the tuning fork EVERY day to learn about relative pitch. We sing letter names, rhythm names, solfa, and words to songs that bring me back to my childhood. We clap, tap, and try to confuse eachother with complicated ostinati. We write in the form of each piece, and mark in breath marks and phrasing.

I'm so amazed at how much they know. And yes, a little jealous! But ultimately, so proud and happy for them. I hope they will carry music with them for life, no matter where their dreams take them.

ANYWAY. With all of the above, I was obviously excited to accompany Cohen to the orchestra. The kids were very excited as well. The concert started with the Olympic Fanfare by John Williams. Cohen immediately turned to me and said "this sounds a LOT like Indiana Jones music, MOM!" Nice ears, yeah? Next was a brilliant 13 year old pianist performing Chopin with the orchestra. Very impressive, and, as it turned out, the favourite of most of the kids. The finale was an actual composition, new to me, entitled the "Orchestra Olympics" (or something like that), which was narrated. I thought it was ok, not great. I didn't find that the composer utilized the instruments very well. The potential for humour in a piece like this is tremendous... but I felt that the piece worked too hard to be educational, with just a little bit of humour mixed it. The kids were restless and somewhat bored within a few minutes. Honestly, I was as well.

Despite the somewhat dull finish to the concert, I still enjoyed myself. Cohen and I (discreetly) whispered back and forth with eachother about the different instruments and sounds. I was able to see how he interacts with his classmates, which was a treat.

A successful day, for sure. I was planning on taking the kids to Saturday Morning at the Symphony this weekend, but I think that Cohen in particular may be orchestra'd out for now!

Tis the Season

2008-11-08T20:13:00.002+13:00

I'm SO excited for Christmas this year! It is such a different feeling, being home. The last few years, Christmas was more of a hassle - it meant scheduling in all of this extra stuff when I was already exhausted from working. Trying to find time to shop after work. We gave up throwing our annual Christmas party - too tired.

This year is going to be so amazing. I've already started baking Christmas cookies. And - get this - 98% of the Christmas shopping is DONE!!!! Ian and I got everything for the kids while they were at school today (minus stocking stuffers), and after we picked the kids up, we all headed to the mall and shopped like crazy!

Amazing. And - I think we're going to have a Christmas party this year.

And - Lili and I are already brainstorming crafts to make to celebrate the holidays.

And - Cohen has already made 3 snowmen.

And - I've started a list of Christmas baking that I want to accomplish.

And - the kids and I are making goody bags for their entire classes!

And - I'm learning all the words to the Christmas carols that I've forgotten over the years. AND learning them on the piano, so the kids can sing along with me.

And - we WILL go tobogganing this year.

And - the kids will have hot chocolate after school.

And - I WILL send out Christmas cards on time for a change.

And - maybe - just maybe - we'll actually get photos done this year too!

Did I mention how excited I am?

Halloween

2008-11-03T05:44:00.002+13:00

We had a great Halloween this year. It's amazing the difference between this year and last. Last year was: rushing home after work, frantically throwing together dinner, getting the kids into costumes, and getting all the trick-or-treating done in an hour so that the kids can be home and in bed by 8, since they have to be at daycare at 7am...Kids in bed by 8, me in bed by 9:30, the house a mess.

Compared to this year... spent the day making halloween cupcakes and cookies, decorating the windows and the lawn... took the kids to their respective halloween parties at school, went grocery shopping, got Lili's violin fixed... the kids came home and we hung out and made dinner together. Watched a scary movie, and then decided it was time to go trick-or-treating. We all went as a family, and leisurely walked around the neighborhood for 2 hours, chatting with the neighbors and enjoying our time together. When the kids got tired, we came home and examined our loot. My brother, his girlfriend and their daughter came by and we hung out with them for awhile. At 9 the kids went to bed, Ian and I cleaned up together, and snuggled up to watch a movie.

Great night.

Maybe there are some women out there who can make each holiday special while working full-time and raising their kids...And MAN do I admire those women, and wish I was one of them. I can't though. Sure makes all of the decision-making difficult. I guess it comes down to what is the value of this time I spend with these wonderful kids?

Anyway, here are some terrific photos of the night.

Sublime

2008-10-28T18:29:00.003+13:00

I've been a bad blogger lately. Things have been fairly chaotic, and I'm conciously trying to reduce the amount of time I spend in front of my computer. Today, for example, I didn't even turn it on until 10:30. And I got so much accomplished! I have 3 sick kids, and so they were all home from school today (well, not Luci, but you know what I mean). We spent the morning cuddled up on the sofa watching cartoons, and then we all pitched in cleaning up. I made lunch with the help of my assistant chef, Lili. After lunch we poured through my cookbooks, deciding what we would like to bake today. Saturday we made Halloween cupcakes, which were a moderate success - I used a cream-cheese frosting rather than my usual, and everyone preferred my usual. So we'll be trying cupcakes again later this week!

Today we decided on double-chocolate cookies - 1/2 batch with chocolate chips and 1/2 batch with peanut butter chips. We had a great time. I love baking with my kids, and I hope that they will have tons of memories of time spent with mom in the kitchen. My little assistant needs to work on her ability to remain focussed and not become so distracted - Saturday she accidentally dropped the measuring cup IN the mixing bowl (and of course, she was pouring in icing sugar, so you can imagine the explosion of sweet sugar that followed). Today, she was just about to pour in the brown sugar, when she became distracted by Cohen and turned just as she was pouring - resulting in brown sugar on my floor rather than in the bowl!

Cookies turned out fabulous. I love this recipe, as it's so easy to choose your flavour - it can be made with any kind of chip. I've done it with butterscotch, peanut butter, chocolate chip, mint chips. My next step is to try experimenting with crushed up chocolate bars (with my handy-dandy Pampered Chef Food Chopper... LOVE it). Starting with Whoppers... then Skor, I think.

Anyways. my next baking project this week is going to be cheesecake. Although, I'm the only one here who likes cheesecake. Well, maybe I'll have to pack some up for friends!

After baking, I had to meet a perspective student, and then teach for an hour. Ian left for work halfway through my lesson... I am SO grateful that Luci is so amazing during lessons. She can be super-cranky all day, crying and screaming, but when I start to teach, she quiets right down. I almost always forget she is there. I know once she starts moving around, things will be different!

I made dinner afterwards - in my newly yellow kitchen! Pictures to follow. The kids had a bath, we practiced music together, practiced reading, and then off to bed. Poor Luci has been waking up every hour or so to nurse - typical when she's not feeling well. Which means I have a long night ahead!

Anyway. The point is - it's so easy for me to lose several hours each day on my laptop. But my kids are at this amazing age, and I'm home, for a change. It's my favourite time of year to be home - Oct, Nov, Dec, Jan, Feb - as there are some great holidays to celebrate! I can finally do all of the fun things I always wanted to do for the kids - pumpkin flavoured pancakes on halloween, oodles of halloween crafts (we've been at it for a month already!), Christmas crafts galore... and even Valentines projects are floating through my head.

And so, my blogging will have to be an evening thing. I promise to try and be more regular about it... but we'll have to see!

Oh yes - I've been having my house redecorated by my sister-in-law, who is starting her own business in staging. She's done an AMAZING job, I love it... even if I can't find anything right now and most of my "junk" is in boxes in the basement (must go through them this week!). Here is her site - check out the gallery for before/after pictures of all of the upstairs rooms here! Her before photos are hilarious - she really caught me on a stupid-messy day. Oh well.

Stayin' Alive

2008-10-21T04:47:00.000+13:00

This is brilliant.

I AM

2008-10-20T18:51:00.003+13:00

busy weekend - 2 hockey practices, 1 playdate, 1 birthday party, 1 ballet class photo-day, 2 rehearsals, 1 painted kitchen, 3 decorated rooms, and a pub night.

i'm freakin' exhausted. yup - ian was working all weekend. i logged 136 minutes in the van today alone. yikes.

did i mention that luci is no longer sleeping through the night? nope. she likes to wake up at 4am and nurse. then at 4:30am too. and 5am. and 5:30am. and 6:00am. and then I AM. awake, that is.

luci is changing so quickly. she is "talking" all the time, rolling over, sitting up (briefly). it's amazing. i know that in just a few short months she'll be crawling, and then we're in huge trouble.

m

Hockey Mom

2008-10-10T17:24:00.003+13:00

I'm now officially a hockey mom. Cohen's tryouts are finished, and practices start this Saturday. 2 ice-times per weekend.

I'm trying not to think about it, because to be honest, I'm already slightly overwhelmed. Surely you've noticed, by way of my complete cessation of any blog-related activity.

I'm trying to stay positive about it - I've been sick for close to a month, first with a stomach bug and then this relentless cold that turned into laryngitis. Plus, I've ended up doing far more teaching than I anticipated. I only have a handful of private students, but I'm getting plenty of calls to teach clinics. Which is great. In theory. Except now I am sort of feeling like this "leave" is not really happening.

And I'm torn - because I LOVE teaching, it gives me a high like nothing else... but wow, do I ever dread it before it happens. It's just one more thing on my clogged calendar, one more appointment I'm terrified of missing, one more reason to have to leave the house and look decent... ugh. Once I'm there, though, MAN is it ever great. And I feel great afterwards.

But - I'm so hyper-conscious of time ticking away. In fact, I'd almost say that it's causing a fairly high level of anxiety. Vicious circle - I'm spending too much of my limited time on mat leave worrying about my mat leave being over. It's stupid, and I know it... but I feel helpless to stop it, mainly because I know that very, very soon I will need to make some really big, really life-altering decisions about my future.

At least twice a day for the last month, it's occurred to me that I would really love to stay home. I love driving Cohen to school, and actually having the time to walk him in, take his jacket off, help him change his shoes, hug him goodbye while I have a few words with his teacher. Last year, it was so different - I'd almost always be late, and I'd drop him off in the parking lot, wave goodbye and race off to work. I probably said 5 words to his teacher all year. I had no idea what was going on. Now I'm part of Parent Council (yes, the cliched PTA), and have a great relationship with Cohen's teacher. My favourite thing, too, is after school - last year, Cohen went to student care until 6pm. 6pm! That's craziness! Now I pick him up, and we take our time (on the days that we don't have any activities planned)... Lili and Cohen play on the playground with the other students, while I chat with other moms. Afterwards, we'll sometimes stop for a slurpee or donut on the way home. We'll chat about what happened at school that day... the answers are far more satisfying and complete when not 3 hours removed from class.

And you know what would make all of this even better? If I would stop trying to do so much. Honestly, it's the days that I have no students or clinics or meetings or or or or that I enjoy the most. But then, if I didn't have those super-busy days, perhaps I would appreciate the non-busy days less.

Sigh.

So, in my quest to make THE decision, I'm going to have to take a really good look at what would have to happen in order for me to stay at home. The pros and cons. Financial considerations.

Not to mention - the really strong side of me that NEEDS to work. And how about the side of me that is desperate to go back and do another degree? How can I afford to go back to school if I'm not working? On the other hand - how can I possibly handle going back to school WHILE working?

I tell myself - I can ALWAYS go back to school. No reason it needs to be now. I can even do a course or two per semester online. But - the kids will only be this young once. They need me.

I don't know. Being a mom is the most amazing thing, and I really feel like I half-assed it all of last year, working so much. This year is the first time I've really felt MOMish. But. Financially, we'd have to give up a lot of stuff for me to stay at home. Like the dream of buying a house, ever.

I can't put off making a decision for much longer. Or can I? Perhaps I just go back to my old job - which I still love - and see how it feels to be away from the kids. Of course, by my calculations, 2/3 of my monthly income will go towards childcare.

Yeah. Jeez, thinking about that now - how can it possibly be worth it?

--------
So - along with this, I was recently reading a book called "the feminist mistake". Essentially, the author felt that too many women are making the mistake of giving up their career to be full-time "moms", only to find that one of the following situations would occur: children would grow up, and mom would find herself with no self-worth or self at all; husband would leave wife, leaving her with no job, no savings, and no self-worth.

the message - staying at home to raise your children is a dangerous risk, considering that the risk of divorce is 50% and the risk of your children growing up and leaving you (god willing) is 100%, it's in your best interest to work.

i can see many good reasons to work, as a mom, and i have enormous respect for those who do: even on my worst day of exhaustion since my mat leave started, i have come nowhere close to the daily exhaustion i felt being a "working" mom. however, i don't think that the fear of divorce is a good reason. i'm all for making plans and saving and being realistic... but i just think that if you truly want to stay at home with your kids and you can make it work, (and, for the record, those who choose to work have my equal respect - i truly believe that you can be just as good of a mom when working...but it is a lot more work in the end), then do so.

i think, too, as i write this, that it's different when your kids are really little. there are those who think that it's best to stay at home until the kids start school... but i'm finding it's almost the opposite. of course, i think i should be there for luci in her first year. but, when the kids are in school, every moment becomes so important. being able to see them off, having the option of surprising them and taking them out to lunch once a month, picking them up after school and giving them a snack, helping with their homework, being involved with their education... this all seems so important to me now. not that i didn't do these things before - the homework part anyways - but there was always a certain amount of disconnect there.

i'm rambling. sheesh i really ought to stop trying to deal with this stuff so late at night, when my brain is fuzzy.

here's something though - today was one of those "non busy" days - dropped cohen off at school, took the girls to kodaly class, and then came home. the girls played in the playroom, luci fell asleep... and, for the first time since luci was born, i took a lovely nap on the couch, basking in the sunshine. it was incredible, and did amazing things for my spirit. a nap. a random, unplanned, untimed nap.

i could get used to that. of course, no time on the weekends now, what with hockey...

m.

busy, busy, busy

2008-09-26T17:12:00.003+13:00

it's been one of those weeks. i knew september would be hard... i just didn't anticipate just how hard.

it doesn't help that we all got sick - a nice stomach bug. nothing like puking kids to stress ya out. follow that up with a severe cold, first cohen, now lili, and as of last night, luci too. and she, of course, isn't tolerating it as well as the other two.

in fact, i haven't slept more than 3 hours per night for 3 nights.

poor little angel.

anyway... activities are almost into full swing. lili's art class got canceled - of course, the one she was looking forward to the most. i'm still trying to find a replacement class... but honestly, i'm not trying that hard.

this week was really hard - cohen had hockey every night. so between me teaching, doing clinics, driving people everywhere... yesterday, for example, went something like this:
am - drive cohen to school
am - drive to clinic, teach for 90 minutes
pm - race home, get lili ready for school, drive lili to school
pm - try and straighten up, clean, prepare snacks for long night
pm - pick up lili from school, drive straight to skating lessons (deep south)
pm - come back home, drop julia off, swing by drive thru for dinner, rush off to cohen's hockey (NE)
pm - drive home... put kids in bed. clean up, do dishes, collapse into bed only to be awoken at 2am by a hysterical luci. 7am, finally fall asleep. alarm goes off at 7:30.

yeah. stupid busy. my van looked like a bomb went off in it.

anyways. i'm sure i'll settle into it. starting next month i won't have my niece to look after, so it'll be a little easier. hopefully.

i'm also dealing with a bum knee, which is making everything hard. it's not that it hurts so much, but it's a consistent pain, which, after a few hours, makes me pretty darn snappy and irritable.

otherwise... i'm so proud of cohen - he looks like a natural (well, a 6 year old natural) on the ice.

lili's doing great too - although she's being having some separation anxiety lately... so there were some tears at ballet and at violin this week. once she settled down, she had a blast. hopefully she'll remember that part next week.

i'm so tired, sorry if this isn't very coherent.

life is good... busy but good... i'm really grateful for these amazing kids... and i've made a vow to really make the most of the last half of my mat leave. since i may never be a stay-at-home mom after this, i want to squeeze as much into it. lots of cookie-making, craft-doing, nature-walking, story-telling, song-singing... etc.

sleep... here i come. please, luci, give me at least 4 hours...

Lili's First Day of French Preschool

2008-09-20T06:04:00.008+13:00

This is what happens when I leave the house for 10 minutes.

2008-09-20T06:04:00.005+13:00

I should point out, that this didn't wash off that well. And this was only 2 days before Cohen's picture day. Can you say "re-takes"???

It's been awhile...

2008-09-20T06:04:00.001+13:00

Here are some pictures! I have lots, so it'll take me a few posts.

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

2008-09-16T04:58:00.004+13:00

I think this is an amazing site:

http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/

I've been thinking a lot about this lately - although I try hard to limit TV watching in our house, they definitely get more than I'd like. It really hit home, this weekend, when Lili said to me "easy, breezy, beautiful, cover girl".

Yowser.

Anyways, Ian and I try to explain to our kids all about marketing etc. Although they don't understand it that well right now, our hope is that we've put the bug in their ear, and as they grow older, hopefully they will become suspicious consumers.

welcome to september!

2008-09-15T04:56:00.002+13:00

wow, it has been a crazy 2 weeks! so much going on. i don't even know where to start! i guess we'll go by child...

lili:

miss lili started preschool last week! she is registered in french-immersion preschool - we did this only because the school was down the street, but as it turned out, the preschool had to move. so, instead of a 2 minute walk, it's now a 5 minute drive. not a huge deal, but definitely not as convenient as I had planned. although i love the french immersion, i fully intend to send lili to the arts academy, not french immersion... but i figure one year of french pre-school won't hurt her.

so far, she loves it.

she also started ballet class yesterday, and her comment was "it's HARD". but she said it with a smile, so that's good i guess!

last week was her kodaly music class, and violin lesson as well. she loved music class, as usual (if she wasn't already in a billion activities, i would put her in a girls choir, she loves singing SO much), and it was pretty adorable to see her in violin class. less adorable was me getting asked to leave the class because luci was fussing. frustrating for everyone... since she's in suzuki, it's really important that the parents participate and take notes during class, so i can only hope that luci adjusts and keeps calm in the future. my favourite part of class was when the teacher asked lili if she knew which hand was her right hand. "uh huh" lili said. "it's the one near the door". i laughed so hard i cried - and finally explained to the teacher that at home, when i'm teaching her piano, her right had IS indeed near the door.

in the coming weeks, she also starts art class and skating. i know. busy girl - but she handles it really well, so until that changes, i'm ok with it.

cohen:
cohen is now finished his 3rd week of grade 1. it's going really well - he is always very happy when i pick him up. of course, he forgets about that first thing in the morning every day, when he whines about having to go. i haven't yet had the heart to tell him that he has at least 12 more years of school to go...

because he's busy in school, we don't have cohen is as many activities as lili. he has kodaly (he's reluctant about it, says he doesn't like it, but try as he might, he cannot hide is smile during class and i usually get a rare hug at the end of class), and hockey starts in a week. gasp. hockey is such a huge commitment - even at the Timbit level, it's still 2 hours per week. the first week is 5 nights in a row. craziness. but it's what he loves more than anything, so, we do it.

we're also looking at putting him into some martial arts. probably aikido. because he is at times insecure and he has a temper, we both feel that it's really important that he learn a martial art to help him gain confidence but also learn discipline and respect. the problem is, it's something that we feel that ian should do with him (the boy is surrounded by women, he needs some man-time with daddy!)... and ian's schedule is so crazy. it's hard to figure out.

as for miss luci:
she's 4 months old! incredible how fast it's going. i'm trying so hard to soak it all up, but i'm admittedly freaking out a bit. for instance - i keep staring at her smile every day, knowing that this is the last toothless grin in the family. at least, until ian and i are old, haha! she actually has a molar that has almost broken through (how fair is that), but i'm not counting that one cause i can't see it! but she's gnawing at everything these days, so i know her bottom teeth are on their way.

she's so amazing.

such an amazing smile, and ian and i would do anything to hear her giggle. she's starting to sit up on her own, and rolling over is only days away, i suspect.

by christmas, she'll be crawling, most likely.

it's such an amazing experience, raising children. more than once in the last few months, ian and i have discussed the possibility of having another baby. yes, you heard me. however, unless we win the lottery, we just can't do it. it breaks my heart, but that's reality.

all right - i've used up all of my luci-sleeping time on this post! yikes! pictures to come later today... i know i've been awful at it lately!

m

Seriously, they loved it

2008-09-12T08:48:00.001+13:00

From my new "Retro Kids" recipe book:

Hot Dog Pizza
1 whole wheat english muffin per child
1 hot dog per child
grated cheese
ketchup

1. Toast English Muffins. Spread Ketchup on, sprinkle with cheese. Top with cut-up hotdog slices.

Bake in oven for approximately 8 minutes, or until hot dogs are cooked.

I tried this today on my super-picky kids - and they LOVED it. Not super-healthy - but use a turkey-dog instead, and it's great!

I had lots of fun making this, it's seriously easy, and what a hit.

Hanging in there

2008-09-02T16:15:00.001+13:00

There are times that being a mom of three is completely overwhelming. Times like tonight - I'm trying to get dinner ready, Luci is screaming for me, Cohen and Lili have just discovered that toilet paper plus water equals goo, and goo is super-fun to throw at walls... the dishes need doing, I can't remember the last time I washed the floors, I've washed the same load of laundry 3 times because I keep forgetting about it overnight... I know that there are still size 2 clothes in Lili's closet and I really need to go through everything and clear it out... There is meat in the fridge that is waiting to be frozen, and chances are it'll go bad before I get to it. Dinner consists of Cohen refusing to eat, Lili spilling her food everywhere, and Luci crying. My plate is empty but I have no memory of eating... oh wait, that's because I actually haven't - I served the kids and forgot mine.

It's 9pm, and I'm so tired I want to cry. And this was a supposedly EASY day! Just my 3 kids! In my defence, it's Ian's last night shift, which means it's the last of 4 days by myself.

Sigh. This also means that tomorrow I have all 6 kids while Ian sleeps. I am trying to tell myself that a good nights' sleep will do wonders. Problem is - I'm noticing lately that my milk supply is waning. Seriously freaking me out. I'm nowhere near ready to stop nursing, and so I have to increase my supply... and to do that, I need to nurse Luci every 1.5 - 2 hours. Which means, a good nights sleep is nowhere in my horizon.

Funny, one thing parenthood teaches you, it's how to live in the moment. Because even as I typed the above, my brain was reminding me that before any of that, I have a long, hot bath in my immediate future.

Amen to that.

Yesterday was such a terrific day - I took Cohen and Lili to the movies, Ian got the groceries (well, he got some of them. small price to pay for not having to get them myself, i guess)... i came home, enjoyed a healthy dinner with my kids (almost no complaining from Cohen, miraculous)... and then we all snuggled up on the sofa, me and the three kids, and watched cartoons until bedtime. I remember thinking at the time - I wouldn't trade this for the world.

Today, I'd probably trade it for a stiff drink.

But that's how it goes - good days and bad days. Thank goodness Ian has the next 4 days off... I vow to do the following:
1 - go out for drinks with the girls
2 - go swimming, and spend at least 30 minutes in the hottub while i'm there
3 - take a walk, just me and my ipod.

those are my lofty goals for the week!

for now, hot bath ++ green tea + trashy novel calls!

I Heart Stoneware

2008-08-31T10:24:00.002+13:00

As some of you may remember, 5 or so years ago I was a consultant for Pampered Chef. I became a consultant because I was absolutely obsessed with their kitchen products. However, it wasn't until I became a consultant that I actually owned my first Stoneware product. I was reluctant to purchase any, in part because of the cost. I also felt that my good-ole pans were doing just fine, thank you very much.

Until the day that my Director invited me over to bake some cookies. We baked one batch on the traditional cookie sheet, and the other batch on the large Bar Pan Stoneware. OH MY GOD! What a difference. The cookies baked on stoneware were perfectly even, perfectly cooked. The others, while not bad, were not cooked evenly (the bottoms were slightly overcooked compared to the tops).

Since that day, I have gone on to replace all of my pans with Stoneware. They are SO easy to clean (scrape 'em off under hot water, no soap), and they cook EVERYTHING evenly. I have NEVER, repeat, NEVER burned anything since I started using stoneware. Everything is juicy and delicious. Even Ian will tell you how much he loves stoneware.

One thing - don't bother with the cheapo $10 pizza stone you see at the grocery store. It is NOT the same thing. The material is cheaper, and you just won't get the same result. Not to mention - Pampered Chef has a 4 year (if I remember correctly) guarantee on their stoneware. Which is a guarantee I've used twice.

Most of my stoneware is now a glorious dark brown, well-seasoned and completely non-stick. My favourite pieces are the large round stone, the large bar pan, the small bar pan, and muffin pan (you'll never need muffin liners again), and the rectangular baker.

It's been a few years since I updated my stoneware collection, and now that I'm home for the next 8 months (yes, 4 months have already gone by, yikes), I plan to really start some serious baking. Thus - it's time for some more Stoneware.

If you haven't already been converted, I highly recommend you try it. Start with the medium bar pan or the large pizza stone - I find that these are very flexible, and can be used for cookies, pizza, chicken breasts, bars, etc etc etc. Always cook something with fat in it first - I usually start with cookies or croissants - so that it seasons the stoneware right from the start.

So - time for a Pampered Chef show. I'm going to book one for either late September or early October... so if you're in town, hope you can make it! (Jill, wish you were here! I'd TOTALLY use you as my consultant).

By the way - half of the fun of a Pampered Chef show is the free food, wine, and good company. I don't care if you buy anything - I appreciate the discount that I get if my guests purchase things, but I always save up enough to buy what I want with or without the discount! So please, don't feel any pressure to buy. Do feel pressure to come and eat, drink, and be merry!

Sleep Well

2008-08-24T16:30:00.002+13:00

I've hesitated to post this, in fear of jinxing it. However, I think we're in the clear...

2 weeks ago, Luci started sleeping through the night. She started on vacation (amazingly enough) and surprised us all by keeping it up once we got home.

I am fully aware that I'm extremely lucky in this regard. Cohen started sleeping through the night (6pm-6am) when he was 2 months old, and though we had some issues when he was a toddler, he's been pretty consistent. Lili, well, she slept through the night from the day she was born, and we've never had a single problem. The girl loves her sleep, plain and simple.

We were certain that we'd end up with a terrible sleeper this time around. As it is, after the first few weeks, she only really got up once or twice, and only for 10 minutes. I thought that was pretty lucky. But now...

She goes to bed at 8:30, and sometimes I'll wake her at 11 before I go to bed, but lately, not so much. Either way she sleeps until 6am, and even then, if I feed her and snuggle her, she'll go back to sleep until 8:30. Of course, now that school is starting, I actually have to get up at 6. But it's nice to know I have the option!

Regardless, I'm extremely grateful. Getting a full night of sleep does incredible things for the soul.

Next step - putting her in the crib, rather than the cradle. I'm reluctant to give up on having her so close to me though, so I might wait until she's 4 months, which is how old the other two were.

Nighty night!

More...

2008-08-18T11:08:00.001+13:00

Vacation Photos

2008-08-18T10:52:00.002+13:00

Back Home

2008-08-16T18:20:00.002+13:00

SO glad to be back home.

We had a good vacation. Luci was great for the long drive there and back (she cried, but the soother soothed her), as were the kids. Our condo in Okanagan Falls was fairly nice - location was great - right on the beach, and we actually had a private beach just steps from our door. Our main issue was 1) the decor (terribly tacky, though this was a minor complaint) 2) the BED! MOST UNCOMFORTABLE BED EVER! Seriously, I am still have spasms in my back. It was terrible. And rather ironic - Luci actually slept through the night EVERY night, but I didn't. Neither did Ian.

We spent a lot of time in Penticton, which is about 15 minutes North of where we were staying. The first two days were spent on the beach all day. The third day, we thought we'd enjoy a day at the amusement park, playing mini-golf etc - too bad it was 37 degrees out. So, we paid our $30 to enter, and then found ourselves rushing through a game of mini-golf in 20 minutes so that we could get the hell outta the heat. I even won a free round (got a hole-in-one on the last hole), which we gave away to someone else as we practically ran back to our air-conditioned van.

Spent the rest of that day in our air-conditioned condo.

Day 4 was sort of a mess - we drove around for quite a while looking for somewhere decent to eat breakfast, and then tried to buy tickets to the cruise (around the lake) that I was dying to go on... only to find it was sold out :( so we went to the beach, and then decided to go on the train tour in Summerland. Which meant we had to pack up pretty much right away and get moving. The train ride was nice - the kids were excited at first (I'll admit, hearing the "all aboard!" was pretty cool, as was the train whistle)... but again, it was 37 degrees out, and the train was NOT air conditioned. halfway through the 90 minute trip, we were wilted. the kids were asleep and soaked in sweat, luci was cranky, and i, well, i got food poisoning. fan...TASTIC day. we headed back to the condo afterwards, everyone cranky and hot. i was really upset... it was our last day, and it was a disaster. back at the condo, ian took the kids out on the lake in our boat (first time we had a chance, and i had to miss it darn it) while i hung out on the bathroom floor in agony.

did i mention, ian and i celebrated (ha) our 8th wedding anniversary while we were there? first off, we got the day wrong - we thought the 11th was the 12th. we went out to dinner on the 11th - no easy feat. there are NO nice places there. seriously. unless you want greek food. we ended up at the white spot, where luci threw a fit (i ended up nursing her in the washroom in a stall, as i'd forgotten the bottle). the waitress forgot my salad and in fact, forgot all about us for the most part. we forgot to order a bottle of wine, and the food was terrible.

once we realized (the next day) that we were a day early, we gave up. i'm hoping we'll find a night to go out together this week - kid-free!

i also managed to sprain my thumb on this trip, and pull a muscle in my shoulder.

despite it all, we had a good trip. we nixed our original plan of staying in kelowna for 2 nights, and came home early. we were desperate to sleep in our own bed.

also - no internet at our condo! i was very surprised, and not happy! it wasn't that bad, of course we were too busy to worry about it. i did take my math book and got lots done at night.

now we're home... and it feels like summer is over! we have the weekend, but on monday we go back to watching all the kids... cohen starts grade one on wednesday (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), ian goes back to work on thursday... hockey, ballet, skating, art class, preschool... all start in a few weeks. heck, i may be starting university again in a few weeks! yeah, that. i have some serious decisions to make in the next week. not to mention, i have to get my butt in gear and advertise for some students! i need at least 10, if not 15. 15 for sure if i want to go back to school.

hey - does anyone know what the rules are about going back to school while on mat/parental leave? Nancy?

anyways, there's the quick update. i'll post some pictures tomorrow... SO happy to be back online!

Some Pre-Vacation Photos

2008-08-10T07:03:00.003+13:00

Here's some updates of Miss Luci and her loving siblings!

I had a reality check - saw a newborn at the Farmer's Market - LUCI IS HUGE! Oh my. Almost 3 months. My little darling, she'll be crawling in no time.

I don't know!

2008-08-08T14:32:00.002+13:00

Wow. If I seriously want to apply for nursing, I have my work cut out for me. I'll have to immediately apply for the BA program for THIS September (yes, that would mean classes start in 3 weeks) so that I can raise my GPA, which will increase my chances to get accepted in the nursing program in 2009. So, estimate about 1400$ for tuition, due in 3 weeks... Plus, I have to do online upgrading for Math 30, Bio 30 and Chem or Physics 30. Now, I don't have to do these until January, but seriously, I can't take all three of those courses at the same time! Especially the math, which is going to take an enormous amount of studying for me.

So, I'm going to try and get at least bio 30 out of the way now, starting in September, while I'm potentially taking 3-4 courses at Mt Royal in the BA program. Oh yeah, did I mention that the upgrading is going to cost me about $1400 too? So, $2800 just to be eligible to GET IN to the nursing program.

However - any courses I take at Mt Royal this year will be courses that I can put towards the nursing degree anyways - so that will save me $ the year after.

I'm seriously stressing over this. As Ian pointed out, suddenly I'll need childcare while I'm in class, and all of this on top of watching all these other kids, teaching, etc etc!

SO much for my mat leave!

I don't know what to do. More later, as I process some of this information.

M.

Blogging.... Check!

2008-08-07T05:22:00.002+13:00

jeez time is just flying by! we leave for our first "real" vacation (real as in, longer than 2 days and not taking place in Dawson Creek) as a family. we have a lovely condo on the beach of skaha lake in penticton. i can't wait. growing up, we went to penticton all the time, and i loved it.

of course, ian is working from now until the day we leave, so it's up to me to prepare. despite making several lists and a spreadsheet (laugh it up), i still feel as though we're going to be forgetting things and scrambling at the last moment. oh well. i've got to relax, somehow...

luci! she's almost 3 months! insanity. she is growing like a weed, and becoming more "human" and less "alien" every day. i absolutely adore her. she absolutely adores Cohen! he is the only one that can really get her to stop crying when she's having a really bad day. the second he appears within her field of vision, she grins. it's amazing to watch. and he is so patient and loving with her.

i will post some new photos soon! i am working from my new laptop, and haven't quite managed to get everything of mine transferred from the desktop yet. this week for sure! (just added it to the spreadsheet!)

in other news - i'm meeting with an academic advisor at mount royal college on thursday to discuss my future.

i'm absolutely terrified! there are moments when i think "what the HELL are you doing, thinking about going back to school! tuition!!!!!! who can afford it???? HOW will we afford it???? how am i going to have time???? do i even remember how to study????

but then, i just tell myself that we'll find a way. and it's for the greater good, really - although it will be tough for the 4 years, in the end it'll be better for the family.

i'm still waffling between 2 (sometimes 3) degree options. right now i'm considering business, communications and out in left field, nursing. the challenge i have right now is that my GPA for my last 5 courses at UofC sucked. i was pregnant, sick, and generally distracted for the last year of my degree, and it shows in my grades. not to mention the 2 errors that were made on my transcripts - an "audit" instead of an "a" for orchestra (explain to me how one audits orchestra?) and an "f" rather than a "completed" for class piano. i even have a letter from the head of the department at that time stating that these were errors made internally. it doesn't matter. 6 years ago when i applied for the master of teaching program, they basically informed me that the letter was useless. so frustrating!

on the positive side - if that's why i can't get into any of these programs, i will just apply as a part-time student and take 5 general studies courses to get a new GPA. it would delay me for perhaps a year (although i could possibly get those courses done this year if i tried hard enough). another option is getting accepted as a mature student. that's what i'm hoping. take nursing, for example - are they better off accepting an 18 year old applicant who had a 95% average in high school, or me, who has at least SOME life experience and maturity?

of course, we all know that this doesn't neccesarily come into play. i'm surprised to find that the nursing program does not require an interview for acceptance. for EMS, all schools require an interview and this is usually the most important step in the admissions process.

the communications degree DOES require an interview. and - big plus - no math 30. just a writing sample. and you all know how much i hate to write ;) PLUS the communications degree requires that you spend lots of time on a paid internship... as opposed to the unpaid clinical practicums with nursing...

i just don't know. hopefully my meeting on thursday will help clear things up for me.

all right. according to my spreadsheet, i am supposed to be at wal-mart and winners this morning, not blogging... so i'd best hop in the shower and get my butt in gear!

m.

Organic Basketball

2008-08-01T15:23:00.001+13:00

Ok, no-one is going to understand that title but Ian...

Regardless, some of you may be VERY interested in this website www.spud.ca (I'd create an actual link but I'm still figuring out this Blogger Buddy thingie.

You're F'ing Kidding Me.

2008-07-31T18:12:00.002+13:00

So, last night, Ian goes to take the kids to swimming lessons. A moment after he goes outside, he comes back in, finds me in the bedroom getting into my workout clothes, and he throws something at me.

My keys.

Apparently, they were on the passenger seat in the van all along. I swear, I looked there. Twice.

Jeeeez.

Well, on the plus side - BENIGN, eh? Whew.

Here's some hilarious pictures to celebrate. Yes, that last one is being saved for his wedding ;)

A Trip to the Doctor's Office... or: I must be INSANE

2008-07-30T06:00:00.002+13:00

I planned ahead. A lot. I put the kids' clothes out before we went to sleep. I packed some snacks in the event of a long wait. I set my alarm for 6am! for a 9:30 appointment. Here's how it turned out:

6am - alarm goes off. apparently. i never heard it.
7:25am - i wake up, cursing. for once, all three kids have slept in.
7:30am - shower
7:40am - get dressed
7:45am - nurse luci
8:00am - wake up Lili, practically carry her into the bathroom, and shower her. not sure she ever woke up during this process.
8:15am - wake up Cohen, no time for a shower, make kids cereal, manage to wolf down a few bites myself
8:30am - get kids dressed, nurse Luci. Notice she smells like sour milk.
8:40am - give Luci a bath
8:45am - pack up the bag - proud of myself for remembering snacks.
8:50am - load everyone into the van
8:51am - frantically search for keys. i check my bag, my other bag, the van, the table in the foyer, the kitchen, the dining room, my bedroom. no luck. remember that i took said keys to the park yesterday, and that my bag fell over not once but three times. keys are probably at the park.
8:55am - phone my brother in a panic. ask if he can come by and loan me his car. i had to make these dr appointments 3 months in advance. no way am i missing them.
9:00am - brother arrives, we load everyone into HIS car, drop him off, and we're on our way.
9:15am - arrive at Dr office downtown. as usual, there is no parking. we circle the block once, twice, three times, four times. i finally spot an open parking meter, and we swoop in. i check my wallet - no change. luckily i spot a toonie on the floor of my brothers car.
9:20am - put toonie into meter. meter makes satisfying "clink" sound, but the minutes do not appear. meter is in fact taunting me with flashing zeros. i expand my childrens' vocabulary by introducing them to some new and exotic curse words. decide that we'll take our chances and leave the car parked by the evil meter.
9:25am - we're in the waiting room, 5 minutes early. i heave a huge sigh of relief, and settle in to read a book to the kids. Luci is sleeping. all is well.
9:30am - (right on time, how often does THAT happen?) my doc comes out to gather us up. we enter what must be the worlds smallest and HOTTEST examination room. the kids are immediately cranky. luci starts to cry. doc is trying to catch up by asking me a zillion questions about their lastest viral infection. i'm trying to remember everything i wanted to ask him. he wants to chat about luci's birth. i want him to examine cohen and lili and get us the hell outta there.
9:35am - luci starts making really great faces. everyone laughs but me - i know what the faces mean
9:40am - luci starts to cry. i take her out of the carseat, and try and calm her, which i already know will do no good. the sweetie has pooped (i'd know her poop faces anywhere), and hates sitting in it. i mentally review everything i put in the bag: i know i threw in a diaper at the last minute, but it is unlikely that i remembered wipes. she pooped yesterday, you see, and typically only poops once per week.
9:45am - doc asks me to get lili undressed. i put luci down in her carseat. glance down at my pristine white skirt... which is now covered in 5-6 spots of luci poop. i restrain myself this time, and curse silently. i can now feel the sweat trickling down my back. grab some paper towels with one hand, and tug at lili's pants with the other.
9:50am - doc casually mentions that my u/s results came back - the tumour is benign. !!!!!!! i will have to have a CAT scan once every year, but other than that, i'm clear.
10:00am - doc proclaims the kids are healthy. i change luci's diaper (no wipes - but paper towels + water do the job), grab the kids their suckers, and we're off.

no ticket on my brothers windsheild - hurray.

10:30am - arrive home, with healthy kids and a headache and a benign tumour but still no keys (I checked the park).

note to self: ask mom or friend to accompany me to the next dr appointment. an extra set of hands will come in handy!

I heart Rock Band

2008-07-22T06:33:00.003+13:00

Last night we had our annual summer BBQ (also meet Luci party). After spending the entire day preparing (Luci was super-fussy, so I was only able to do things in 5 minute spurts) and shopping (I also heart Costco and my mom for braving the crowds with me), I was exhausted by the time 6pm arrived.

NOTE TO SELF: Stop planning parties on days that Ian works, so that I can actually not be completely responsible for planning/prepping!

Anyways, very few people showed up. Which turned out to be ok, but I'll admit I was dissapointed. I know - it's summer, everyone is busy. I totally understand. I will say - it felt pretty weird without my favourite girls there - Alison was camping, Heidi had family in town, and Karmen... I don't know where Karm was!

It turned out to be a couples party, after all, except for Andre, but he left early. We had Dave & Elaine and Lee and Andy, and Don and his lovely wife came later. After chilling outside and eating mucho BBQ'd hot dogs, pasta salad (thanks Elaine), drumsticks (thanks Andre) and Kettle corn (OH MY GOD thank you Lee!), once the kids were safely in bed we couldn't resist all piling into the living room for an hour or 4 of Rock Band.

So. Much. Fun. If you haven't tried this game, I highly recommend it. Ian and I are actually going to be holding monthly Rock Band parties. Stay Tuned.

I will admit, when Ian bought this game a few months ago, I was skeptical. I had played (and enjoyed) Guitar Hero, but for me, the luster had worn off after a few weeks. I feared the same would occur with Rock Band...

I was so wrong. Turns out, I LOVE to drum. And - even though my voice is awful, I can easily keep the pitch (thank you, 4 years of musicianship classes), and now I love to sing too. Ian still loves to play the guitar, so we have ourselves a nice little band. Did I mention the kids love to play as well? Although it will never replace formal music lessons in our house, I will admit that the drumming helps them learn to keep the beat, and the singing helps them with pitch recognition. Also, it's pretty damn adorable.

All in all, fun for the whole family. Last night was especially fun, considering our guests: Elaine is unafraid to get crazy on vocals (love it), Lee is a singer/songwriter and also unafraid to go crazy with the cheezwiz, Andy is a notorious musician in Calgary with crazy skills on vocals and guitar and he was picking up the drums pretty damn well too. Ian is a psycho-guitarist/drummer (it amazes me, he plays circles around all of us musician types), and Dave and I were our normal reserved-yet-enthusiastic selves.

The best part was when Cohen got out of bed to sing Blitzkreig Bop for everyone (for everyone! my little shy one!) and achieved 99% - one of the highest scores of the evening.

Anyways, we had a great time, and still managed to be in bed by midnight (ok, 12:30, Ian and I couldn't resist doing a few extra songs on our own once everyone left). I was smart and cleaned up before we went to bed, so today I'm enjoying the post-party bliss - relaxing on the couch, nursing a lot, and eating leftovers.

Here's a few shots of the kids rocking out a while ago:

damn those shots

2008-07-19T11:13:00.002+13:00

poor luci had her 2 month immunizations this afternoon. i knew it would be a traumatic experience with her - cohen cried for a few minutes, lili didn't even cry at all (i would say she pretty much just glared at the nurse)... but luci, little luci is a crier.

sure enough, the little one screamed bloody murder for about 30 minutes. of course, i'm used to it (although my heart was breaking, i do know for a fact that they recover from this stuff) as she cries often. i thought the nurse was going to cry though.

other than sore little legs, she's doing great - she's in the 95th percentile for height at 75th for weight. not surprising - everyone was SO surprised at her weight when she was born, because she was such a skinny little thing. but the girl inherited her daddy's height, so far anyway.

i'm glad that is over though. i always dread it - more because of the 8 million questions (rate how capable you feel as a mother this week between 1 - 10... i would have said 9 but i had just finished yelling at cohen and lili in the van, so i went with 7.5). i get it - i do - and i even support what they are trying to prevent. but i really want to say "hey, i get it, but let's skip this part, we're fine, everything is fine, i'm not going to drown my kids! and my husband doesn't hit any of us cause if he did he'd find himself castrated!".

i don't think they'd go for it though. just like, that time that we took lili to the hospital when i was pregnant with luci and the nurse asked (once ian had left the room to get me some water) if there was any abuse in the home... i said "only when he's really drunk, which is only twice a week so it's really ok". she didn't find it funny for some reason. i only did it because she knew ian from work... lol. took me forever to convince her i was joking.

i guess that's like joking about carrying a bomb on board a plane these days.

well, the first immunization day is a marker for other reasons too - this was the night that Cohen first slept through the night. i remember waking up in the morning thinking he was dead! nope - just sleeping. after that he slept for 12 hours at night for a long time (i think until he was about 3, which is when we started experiencing some really fun bedtime problems). lili slept through the night from day 1 - 12 hours on the dot, and she hasn't strayed from that at all. knock on wood!

luci sleeps the least out of any baby i've had! she sleeps from about 10 or 11pm until 3:30ish, then does a power feed (5-10 minutes), sleeps again until 6, another feed and if i'm lucky she'll sleep again until around 9, but 50% of the time she's up and then doesn't sleep again until around 8:30. she dozes all day, but never longer than 30 minutes or so.

if she isn't sleeping through the night by 4 months, we'll probably start letting her cry. i know it seems like such an awful thing, but in my experience, if you do it right, it only takes about a week. my feeling is that most babies pick up on the anxiety and guilt of the mother, and this makes them cry more. i won't have much guilt nor anxiety - one thing i've learned, babies cry, and it doesn't hurt them. some of the nights we went through with cohen... good god. and he's perfectly fine now.

of course, this means that i have to get luci into the crib soon. she's still in the cradle next to our bed. in the last few weeks, she's actually spent all night in the cradle (i used to start here there but bring her into the bed with us after the 3:30 feeding). i've also been trying to put her down between 10pm-11pm while she's still awake, so she becomes used to putting herself to sleep.

here's hoping.

well, best go fold laundry while i have the chance!

m.

Math 30... uh huh

2008-07-17T13:55:00.002+13:00

Ok, so just for kicks, I went to the library today to check out some of this silly "Pure Math 30" stuff (it's a prerequisite for the degree I'm looking into).

I almost peed myself laughing. Now, it has been 12 years since I was in high school (holy f-word). Add to that the fact that I didn't really study during school, and math was the only subject I struggled with (hmm, perhaps the not studying had something to do with that?). I was fabulous at it up until grade 10, when I had the worst, asshole-jock teacher who treated all music students like crap. And he HATED me.

So, long story short, I have Math 33 (now called "applied Math 30" - basically, enough math to help you pay your bills every month, not much more). I can barely remember my multiplication tables (which is probably all right, apparently it's all done by calculator now)...

So, today I went online and ordered myself a Grade 7 math textbook. And I'm gonna do it from page 1. Hopefully I can manage the grade 7 stuff. Seriously - they say that the curiculum these days is about 2 years more advanced than it was a decade ago.

Man.

I am also having to do Bio 30. At least I have Science 30, so I'm hoping Bio 30 won't be such a stretch for me. I took out a Bio 30 book from the library, and will probably start my online course in September. Did I mention that? I have to actually take Bio 30 and Pure Math 30 STARTING IN SEPTEMBER if I want to make the application deadline to the program I'm looking into.

Geezus.

So, these evenings, you'll find me pouring over Biology and Math textbooks...

the Sound of Silence

2008-07-16T13:20:00.002+13:00

So, a few minutes ago I ordered Cohen and Lili to go downstairs, as they were playing pretty rough, and loudly, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Luci, darling girl, was asleep.

TV was off.

Radio was off.

I was catching up on my blog reading, when suddenly I realized...

Absolute silence.

And you know what? It made me REALLY uncomfortable. My skin was actually crawling!!!!

Luckily, WHEW, Luci woke up a minute later and started to scream and cry. MUCH BETTER.

November, really?

2008-07-15T12:11:00.002+13:00

Finally heard back from the Neurologist re: my numb fingers (which are driving me absolutely BATTY, I keep dropping things).

My appointment is for the END OF NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!

I knew it would be "a few months" - but if you consider that the referral was made 2 months ago... that's 7 months!

Grrr. I was really hoping to have them checked out before my playing season began.

Oh well. Guess I'll just have to suck it up and learn to live with it!!! Thank GOD it's my left hand!

2 months old, 6 years old!

2008-07-14T17:54:00.003+13:00

Luci is 2 months old today, and Cohen turned 6! WOW, I can't believe I've been a mom for 6 years already. That's crazy-talk.

Our day was quite busy and fun - my mom came and we took Cohen out for brunch this morning. Then my dad and step-mom came and brought cake for everyone. Then, we ordered pizza (Cohen's choice) and once Ian came home from work, took the kids to see Wall-E (EXCELLENT MOVIE!!!!!!!!). Cohen was all smiles all day, which was nice.

For the record - this was Luci's second movie at the theatre, and like the first time, she slept pretty much through the entire movie. I am SO grateful for that... makes life much easier, even though I was sitting right by the exit door just in case.

Been doing some thinking about my future lately - career-wise. Wondering if I should go back to school, and if so, for what? Obviously, if I'm going to go back to school, it's going to have to result in a job that 1) pays more than I make now and 2) will pay for the schooling within a year or two. And it's going to have to be what I call a "forever career" (as opposed to a temporary career!). If I'm going to shell out 20 grand or so for another 4 years of school, that's it, that's the one. As Ian says, we're only allowed 2 degrees each (although there is an exception for more than one degree in the same subject).

I dunno. If I am going back to school, I'll still have to work full-time. At this point, it wouldn't be until September 2009, which gives me some time. Applications aren't accepted until December... but I'll have to do some upgrading first, most likely, which means NOW. Hey - anyone know the difference between this "Pure Math 30" and the Math 30 (or, in my case, Math 33) that we took in high school?

I don't know. I love my current job, I just have a feeling that financially I won't be able to go much higher within the company. Maxed out after just 2 years... not great. Hard to see a bright future knowing that.

Also - I desperately MISS school! I love school. Of course, I should be more specific - I love MUSIC school. Who knows how I'll feel about another major. Then again - the music degree was crazy - sometimes taking as many as 9 or 10 courses per semester, (most majors allow a max of 5), plus hours and hours of practicing (on top of studying and writing papers and memorizing composer dates). Taking only 5 courses and ONLY having to study (ok, and raise 3 kids) sounds like a walk in the park to me.

Ahhh who knows.

There is still the chance that I'll just go back to teaching music and stay home with my kids!

Well, must be off to bed, busy week ahead!

The waiting begins...

2008-07-12T08:09:00.003+13:00

Well, today I had my big ultrasound. Of course, I have no idea of the results, probably won't for a week or so. It was still pretty surreal to be lying there staring at a tumour on the screen. I was in there for quite a long time - 30 minutes - and she took images of it from every possible angle.

I'm really hoping I don't have to have a biopsy. My doc said "most likely" not, because it appeared to be benign, but it would depend on the results of today.

So now we wait.

In much cheerier news, I'm still loving being at home with these munchkins. Our neighbors are on vacation for 2 weeks, and that means that we are too, in a way, as we only have 3-4 kids to watch now. 4 on weekdays, 3 on weekends. It's amazing how much easier 3 kids seem after caring for 6. We've got some "family time" planned - a movie night for Cohen's actual birthday, a bowling night, and a trip to Drumheller to visit the Tyrell museum. And then, of course, we're headed out to the Okanagan in less than a month for our first real holiday! I'm SO excited.

Here's a few pics of Luci, pretty in purple, in the bath, as well as one with her big sister, and Cohen practicing piano!

7 hours

2008-07-11T04:44:00.002+13:00

that's how long i had to myself yesterday. ian kicked me out of the house at 11am, told me not to come back before 6.

i had no plans. i couldn't get in touch with anyone, so i was totally on my own.

first stop: gas station. the radio is playing "killer queen" and i'm rocking out. i'm also talking to myself, because i cannot stand the quiet in the van.

second stop: once upon a child. yes, i went shopping for the kids. i got some super-adorable stuff too - several jumpers for luci, plus a sweater for the fall. i also got myself a pair of crocs on sale (i know everyone hates these shoes, but they are so great for housework). and, a nursing pillow (finally). i spent an hour there, which was great.

then it was lunch time. since my trainer indicated that i needed to be eating approximately 400-800 more calories in each day, i decided to actually order something i like. i decided to go to Ricky's, since they have cozy booths and i could sit there for as long as i wanted without them caring. i ordered a turkey club wrap with fries. so good. i sat there and read my book and enjoyed my food. and my thoughts! it was very, very strange to be alone with them.

then my mom called... and she was in the area, so i invited her over to the restaurant for lunch. we chatted, and then she asked if we could go shopping to costco (i have a card, she does not). not exactly what i had planned for the day, but shopping is shopping!

i got some great stuff there. a new cozy blanket for the living room, and a huge picture frame (should i ever get around to getting some pics developed). lots of vegetables (exciting to me).

unfortunately, this took up the rest of my time. by the time we were done, it was 5pm, and i knew that with traffic, i'd better be getting home. i enjoyed the drive in rushour (again, just my and my thoughts, no answering a million questions from the backseat). when i got home, ian had ordered pizza (thincrust for me). the house was not clean as promised (however, i hadn't been expecting it - unlike him, i know how it is with 6 kids under 6 to care for), but the kids were hysterical to see me.

it was a nice day. i'm hoping i get another day like this in a month or so, and this time i'll have more notice and be able to plan it better. say, a manicure or something!

oh, and i got to go out after dinner too - it was my swimming night. overall, a great day... today i'm back to the grind, (only 4 kids though), trying to clean the house and feed everyone etc etc.

Yay, first week

2008-07-10T06:08:00.002+13:00

Weigh in - down 6 lbs. I know the first week is usually the biggest week, but I'm still happy with that number.

Bad news - got an email from my trainer this week saying that she miscalculated my caloric intake goal - she had it at 2100 (which, to be honest, made me feel like I was eating all day long and I rarely made it to 2000) and now she wants it between 2500 and 2900...

Short of going to McDonalds every day (tempting) I don't know that I can eat that much.

We'll see I guess!

8 weeks

2008-07-09T18:29:00.003+13:00

I'll admit it - I'm a little sad that Luci is already 8 weeks old. Today, at the pool, there was another mom there with wee one - must have been days or just a week old. I couldn't help it, I was sad! I know how fast these months and years are going to go. This year especially - I'm still dealing every day with the decision of what to do when my year of leave is up. Anyways, Luci is just a few days short of 2 months old already. How does that happen? Tonight, as I stared at her smile, I wondered, for a split second, if maybe there would be room for a 4th child in our lives. JUST FOR A SPLIT SECOND.

The reality is, we couldn't afford it. Do I think we could handle 4 kids - hell ya, we are handling 6 just fine, thank ya! 4 would feel like nothin. But, Ian and I do have grand plans for retirement and for when our kids move out. I don't know. The other thing is, there is no way I want to tempt the fates by trying for a 4th, perfectly healthy child. Seriously, I cannot believe how lucky we have been (knock on wood).

Anyways, I'm still done. We're still done. I'm just a little sad about it, that's all.

Ahem.

Met with my trainer for my first full-length session today. She kicked my ass all over the block, lemme tell ya. She had us work out outside, which would have been fine, except:
1- I wasn't planning on having all my neighbors see me in my sweat-suit glory, red-faced and exhausted too...
2- it was darn hot out. I despise being hot. Next time, I want to work out in the skating rink.
3- the mosquitos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap! Even though I was well-drenched in repellent, I could feel them biting me through my clothes. And of course I was sweating like crazy, which only brings them on in droves.

Other than that, it was a great workout. She had me do all of my arm stuff (with weights) while we were walking (fast). SUCH a better workout than doing them while stationary. The only problem is, I like to workout while watching crappy TV usually (allows me to be distracted from the agony), even though I know that working out is most effective if you are 100% focused on what you're doing. It's also rather embarrasing, as I mentioned. Not only did the neighbors on my cul-de-sac get to see me hot and sweaty, practically all of Westgate did as well, during our 2 walks .

Ok, seriously, I'm not by nature self-conscious, but it did feel a little crappy to imagine what they were seeing: The overweight, purple-faced woman panting and groaning with weights, walking down the street with the size 2, scantily clad, blonde bombshell of a trainer. I felt like a walking cliche. I kept trying to tell myself, hey, I'm sure they respect the fact that I'm out here doing something about it... but I'm pretty sure that many of them (them being the hundreds of neighbors I have that are obviously home at 3:30 on a weekday afternoon during Stampede no less and who have nothing better to do than to stare out their front window and make gross assumptions about me) looked at me and expected me to fail.

Grrr. Yup, nothing like a little psychological nonsense to get you through a workout.

Anyhoo, I got through it, and this week I've got to swim 2 nights (Karm, if you are interested, you should come with! It's a good workout), and go for 2 walks (with Luci, my own personal 12 lb weight). She so far doesn't expect me to do the workouts that we do together, on my own. Which is a little odd. I'm not just paying her to work out with me once a week, I'm paying her to design me a workout plan... so I guess I should ask her about it, eh?

11:45pm - my brother just came up to the front window and knocked on it - hard! I'm sitting her wearing just a towel, having come straight from my bath to blog. Ian is out, nothing like a little random banging on the window to get a girl screaming. Good to know that if anyone ever tried to break in, I'd do nothing other than scream. Jesus. Amazingly, the kids did not wake up. My heart sure is pounding though, man.

All right. Tomorrow morning is my first weigh-in - officially marking the completion of my first week back on the saddle.

I think I'll go to McDonalds to celebrate. JUST KIDDING. Seriously though, Ian has granted me freedom from 11am - 5pm tomorrow- I have to be out of the house and cannot return early. I'm not sure what to do with myself. So far, my only plan is to go to Wal-Mart and get some pictures developed, and browse a bit (you cannot browse with kids in tow). Hell, how suburban am I? 6 hours of free time and my only destination is Wal-f'ing-Mart. Probably I'll go out for lunch somewhere and depress myself by eating a stupid-healthy chicken breast (I know, it should make me happy to treat my body well, blah blah blah) and salad. I'd go shopping, but we're broke until our vacation is done. I'd go to a movie but what fun is a movie without soaked-in-butter popcorn?

Jesus, am I that pathetic now, that I have nothing to do? No friends to hang out with (at least, none that aren't working...)... I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. Man, if I could eat crap or at least smoke, I'd have a grand time. I've sucked all the fun outta my life to be healthy though.

It's WAY past my bedtime. Lately Luci has been waking at 4:30am, and deciding she's up for the day. The girl doesn't sleep more than 8 hours outta 24 these days, so I'm wiped. 6am I can deal with. 4:30 is inhumane. So tonight, i actually woke her at 10:30 to feed her, in the hopes that she'll sleep a little longer...

Pretty Smile!

2008-07-07T18:42:00.003+13:00

Finally, she let me capture some of her beautiful smiles!

Oh, to be mobile is bliss!

2008-07-07T18:10:00.006+13:00

I CAN WALK AGAIN!

Too funny. I'm SO grateful to be on my feet again. It's amazing to me how things really fall apart so quickly! I'm hoping that maybe Ian realizes now how much I do in a day normally, because after 2 days with me unable to do much, the house was a mess, the kids were bored to death, no groceries in the house, etc etc. Sheesh, I'm SO grateful that I got to clean up today.

Last night we went to a BBQ at Heidi's place - which was nice. It's always nice to talk to adults! I enjoyed 1.5 low-cal beers (argh), and some marshmallows! The kids had a great time, and it was nice to get out with Ian for a change. We're planning a simular BBQ (potluck) in the next few weeks, stay posted...

We took all 3 kids to the wavepool today - huge excursion! Luci's first swim - I didn't take any pictures of her in her adorable green plaid bikini (passed down from Lili). Wish I had! She was a trooper, she barely cried at all, and really seemed to enjoy the water (which is a neccesity in our family). Cohen and Lili had lots of fun, and I particularily enjoyed my 10 minutes in the hot-tub.

SO I'm 5 days into my "new lifestyle", and it's going well. I'm handling the lowered calories well, and actually feel relieved to be back in control again. I was unable to do any excercizing this week (except for tomorrow morning, 7am you'll find me at the pool!), which kind of sucks. Oh well. Next week... Tomorrow I'm going on my grocery tour with my trainer, which will be fun.

Anyhoo, I should be putting all the folded laundry away, not blogging!

Here are some great pictures...

7 weeks

2008-07-05T02:09:00.002+13:00

Well, miss Luci is now 7 weeks (and 2 days) old. We had her "6 week" check up on Wednesday, and she is perfectly healthy. She is up to 12lbs (and something ounces, can't remember). She's smiling all the time now, which cheers me up all the time.

Cohen and Lili are enjoying their summer. I love how healthy they look - flushed cheeks, bright eyes. Swimming lessons start for both of them next Tuesday, which should be a good refresher for them before we go on vacation in August.

On Wednesday I also met with my new nutritionist/trainer. It went really well... except that yesterday and today, I cannot stand up. I have injured myself already, and it really sucks. It's pretty bad. I can barely walk, and cannot stand up nor sit down without help. Which should make today interesting, as I have 4 kids today and Ian's working. Oh well, I managed yesterday (sort of). It feels worse today. And last night I was so disappointed to find that the pool I go to has cancelled deep-water workouts except for Mon/Wed evenings for the summer. I dragged my sorry ass to the pool last night (ok, I was gunning for the hottub, I'll admit) for a workout, only to find that it was cancelled. That sucks.

The eating is going ok. I'll admit that I'm far less enthusiastic than I was last time around - mainly because I'm that much more busy and I know how time gets away from me these days, so finding the time to prep healthy meals is going to be a challenge. One day at a time, though, and I'll make it through. Our goal is to lose 30lbs in 3 months, which is totally doable. In 12 months, I should be at my goal weight, provided I keep up with everything.

Anyways, that's my update. I'll post some pictures later, though I'll admit, we haven't taken many this week!

M.

F-WORD

2008-06-28T17:50:00.003+13:00

Why, why oh why does this happen?

My DREAM job (ok, one of a few)just opened up. WHY now???? WHY WHY WHY????

What should I do?

F-WORD!

1) am I ready to give up my current job?
2) am I ready to give up a year off with my kids - seriously, I'm only 8 weeks into my leave dammit.
3) am I ready to take on such a HUGE challenge?
4) are you kidding me? WHY NOW!!!!!!!!
5) seriously, this is the third time this has happened in the last 6 months... C'MON!

F-WORD!

Advise? Anyone wanna go for drinks and offer some wisdom this weekend?

Yeah, right.

2008-06-28T09:16:00.002+13:00

Stupid day. I take it back! Grocery shopping with 4 kids is suicide. Doesn't matter if 3 of them are in the free babysitting area - Luci cried almost the entire time, so I had to actually carry her in one arm and push the cart with the other. No way could I just not get groceries - I'm 3 days late getting them as is.

Also, getting $300 worth of groceries into the house and put away when you have 4 kids (hungry kids, by the way, since it took me almost 1.5 hours to do the shopping) begging for attention. I finally managed to bribe Cohen, Lili and Julia to bring the groceries in for me while I fed Luci.

Grr. I'm hot and tired now.

Going to take a big breath and hopefully Luci will sleep so I can get back into my good mood!

It's a beautiful morning!

2008-06-28T03:59:00.002+13:00

WOW. Today is the first day that I can remember... yeah, that I didn't HAVE to get up for any reason. J&B were not here, Cohen did not have school or a playdate, nor did Lili, no appointments, NOTHIN! Even Luci cooperated - I fed her at 4:30am, and again really briefly at 7:30. It's now 9am and I just had the most wonderful shower (Luci is still asleep), and today is stretching out in front of me like an endless road.

There is nothing we HAVE to do today, really, until 6:45 tonight when Lili has skating (and Ian's taking her. In fact, Ian has agreed to take all the kids, so that I can go see a movie by myself! - unless anyone else hasn't seen Sex and the City, call me if you wanna come -)

Of course, I will get stuff done - I plan to spend the next hour cleaning house, then at least 30 minutes going through Luci's clothes, then work on our budget a bit, and then take the kids grocery shopping once Julia gets here. After that, though, nothing.

And the weekend - nothing planned. OH how sweet are those words. And we ONLY have our own children to care for on Saturday and Sunday. Granted, Ian will be sleeping all day and at work each night, but I'm ok with that.

I know everyone (myself included) expected me to miss work a lot... but the truth is, I'm happier than I can ever remember being. I love spending this time with my kids. It's hard work - in many ways, harder work than my job ever was. However, the stress level has been reduced considerably - all the logistics of transporting kids to various dayhomes/schools, have to fight traffic every day (that's a BIG one), the politics that come with a small office made up nearly entirely of women... I don't miss those things right now.

I will admit that every day I think about next year, and what the future holds. Should I stay home with my kids? We can do it, if I can find a decent number of music students to teach at home. Should I go back to my job, which I really do enjoy, and which allows me some flexibility to watch J&B and be present at my kids' events? Or should I start fresh and chase some new dreams elsewhere? Maybe part-time only, and take a few students as well? Maybe I should go back to school part-time?

I really want to be able to stay home with the kids, but I'll admit that we've become quite comfortable with our current standard of living, and not to mention our dreams of owning a house in 4.5 years. I can teach, yes, but we all know that teaching music is unreliable sometimes. Students quit! It's hard to get a full studio, and here I would have to teach out of my living room, which is never fun for the family. Plus, teaching would mean that I'd be pretty much unavailable from 4pm - 8 or 9pm, so I wouldn't get to see the kids much anyways, once they are in school.

ARGH I don't know. Good thing I don't have to make this decision today! Such a wonderful day it will be!

Hope you all have an equally stunning day.

Might as well go for it

2008-06-27T16:14:00.003+13:00

Instead of putting up my "MFM" ad, I emailed my trainer from last year. She's too busy to take me on as a client right now (right before I got pregnant she got a full-time job at Preventous), but referred me to one of her awesome staff members. Lindy, my original trainer, owns a consulting company called FitNut

Anyway, no sooner had I finished reading Lindy's email to me advising that she would refer to me another trainer, my phone rang, and it was the new trainer. I explained my situation to her, and told her I wanted to get back into the groove immediately, and that meal-planning was going to be a major issue (making lunch for yourself when you yourself ARE lunch for another human being is difficult at best). She is a nutritionist as well, so that's great. She said she'd kick my butt, but "nicely". She wants to meet weekly for a month or two, and said I can expect to be working out 6 days/week again. WHEN? I wonder. But I'll find the time. Luckily, Luci takes formula from the bottle really easily (I just had no time to pump, I'm afraid), so on those rare occasions that I leave the house without her, Ian can feed her.

I'm excited, as she promises that she gets really fantastic weight-loss results with her clients. I'll be using an online nutritional program that will provide me with meal plans every day, and a weekly grocery list. It will also track my caloric intake, plus protein, sodium, carbs etc etc. It will provide her - and me - with a weekly and monthly summary report of what I put into my body.

I decided to go with the Lifestyle option again - most expensive, but also biggest bang for the buck. Since I can pay over 3-4 months, it's not that bad. And I figure, since I won't be spending any more cash on fast food, I'll come out just about even after all is said and done. Plus, we'll all be happier and healthier here, which is priceless!

So, there it is. I took the leap. Back to the gym for me, I guess!

Oh yeah - one of the features that I get with the Lifestyle package is a grocery tour - I had one with Lindy before, and it's great. We spend an hour at any grocery store, disecting every food item. My new trainer said that I'm welcome to invite up to 3 people to come with me on the tour - so if you're in town and interested, let me know! It's extremely informative!

Wish me luck...

Devonian Gardens

2008-06-27T05:19:00.002+13:00

On Tuesday, Ian and I surprised the kids by taking them out for a Pizza Hut lunch followed by a trip to Devonian Gardens. We even took the train downtown (Julia's first train ride!), which was fun for everyone. You wouldn't believe the looks we got - everyone assumed we had 4 kids - and it was exhausting, but totally worth it.

For some reason i didn't take any pictures of all of the beautiful flowers, or the fish, or the turtles... just these beautiful creatures:

Cohen's Birthday Party!

2008-06-27T05:07:00.002+13:00

My yummy and somewhat famous fruit-kabobs (always a hit!)

Cohen on the slip'n'slide! SO MUCH FUN!

Cohen and best friend Jacob

Cohen riding his new bike - thanks Grandma!

Learning to ride a bike (finally!)

MFM seeks MFM

2008-06-26T10:13:00.003+13:00

I just had to spend $300 on "fat" clothes, cause I threw them all out last year after losing 50 lbs.

I'm SO mad - I knew I'd have to gain weight with the pregnancy, but I didn't expect to gain so much. And it's sticking to me like glue.

I know when it's time to call in the troups though - I just sent a frantic email to my trainer. Time for her to crack the whip.

Wish I had someone to work out with (or hell, even walk with). Was thinking about putting an ad in the community newsletter:

"Just had child number 3, and desperately looking for another outspoken, motivated fat mom to excercise with. Yes, I just called you fat. You know it, might as well face it. Now let's do something about it. We can kick eachothers butts into gear. Email Mary at... "

Whatdya think?

Graduation Day!

2008-06-26T02:27:00.003+13:00

today, my little darling boy is graduating from kindergarten. i can't believe how quickly this year has flown by. september seems so long ago - i was just finding out i was pregnant, as cohen began school. my little dude. he has grown SO much this year, and i have to say, i'm so incredibly pleased that i chose to send him to the arts academy. how many kindergarten students do you know who bring home a HUGE art portfolio on their second-last day of school? and the best thing is, it's all relevent - using art to learn about science, math, social studies etc. i love it. the teachers there have such a passion for teaching (they all have to have a degree in the arts in addition to their teaching degree) and it really shows. and the parents - it's pretty cool to see how diverse everyone is - i love that there are parents who drop their kids off in a minivan that has a sex pistols sticker on it. preppy parents, punk-rock parents, hipster parents...etc etc. everyone is represented. and so committed! this school requires a LOT of parental involvement. mandatory volunteering (the students average about 15 field trips per year), various concerts and assemblies, and of course, the "learning contracts" in lieu of homework, all of which require parental participation. yes, the parents have to help with all homework, and there is a contract that each parent must sign for each assignment.

i'll admit, it's a pain sometime. who know a kindergarten student could have so much homework???? but it's been great.

and now he's all done. next year, he'll be gone all day. it's pretty amazing - i look at luci, and then at cohen, and i'm amazed that we've come so far. he's such a great little guy - always helpful, always kind, tries to make everyone laugh or smile whenever he can. such a sensitive soul too.

kindergarten was one of my favourite times in life. i remember it well, and i hope he will as well.

congrats, cohen, we love you!

More pictures

2008-06-21T17:56:00.004+13:00

Some pictures of Lili, Jaedyn, and Julia.

Fun in the sun

2008-06-21T17:37:00.006+13:00

I love living where we live. Today, I sent the kids outside to play at 9am. My next door neighbor fed them lunch at noon...they briefly came inside for a snack at 3 or so... and then they ate dinner inside (took them about 4 minutes), but dessert outside. I finally dragged them indoors at bedtime, 8pm. LOVE it. That is so how I spent my childhood, and it thrills me to no end that they are outdoors, playing make-believe games and chasing eachother around the swingset. They are already super-tanned (hey, I do the sun-screen thing diligently) and look healthy as can be. Lots of mosquito bites already (damn things), and a glorious amount of scrapes and bruises.

Healthy, happy kids. I love it. I spent several hours today and yesterday outside myself, sitting on a lawnchair on my front lawn, baby in arms, enjoying a beer and some girl talk with my neighbor. Every once in a while one of us would have to get up and sprint after one of our children, but ultimately, it was pretty relaxing.

I love summer.

Here are a few pictures... I think, ultimately, that I'm going to use this blog as "the" blog for all three kids, not just Luci anymore. I rarely get the time to blog anymore (Luci fell asleep 45 minutes earlier than usual tonight, hence this post. Hmm, I should be folding laundry!), so merging them into one blog makes more sense!

Big blue eyes:

Meeting my cousin Nancy for the first time:

Pretty in pink:

Meeting Ian's EMT Instructor (and my dear, dear friend) Gray:

First Smiles

2008-06-20T02:57:00.002+13:00

She's a smart girl, our Luci. She started smiling earlier this week, and it's a good thing. We've been rather frustrated... not with her, really, but on behalf of her. She still is not feeling well, and is still really congested, which means that from about 4am on, she gets pretty cranky. This means I'm cranky pretty much all the time.

I would love to take her to the doctor and see if we could get her suctioned again, but to be honest, I just haven't had the time. She has an appointment next week, I'm sure we'll survive until then.

Things are winding down in other areas. Cohen's soccer is done, as is Lili's ballet. She still has skating for 2 more weeks, and Cohen starts swimming lessons in July. School is out for Cohen next Wednesday - which worries me a little. It is fairly easy caring for the 3 girls, but whenever Cohen gets home, trouble starts. He is constantly "bored", and I feel SO bad for him being the only boy. Of course I'm still stuck on the couch for a good part of the day, nursing, so there's not much I can do to help him. Poor guy.

This week our big event is Cohen's birthday party, which is on Sunday. I'll admit, I'm freaking out a little bit. Luci is much fussier these days, and I'm not getting much done. Ian is on nights tomorrow and Saturday, so he won't be much help getting ready. My mom is out of town at a reception that I would LOVE to be at, but there is just no way. I was also really hoping to make it to Red Deer for a birthday party, but I just can't, which sucks :( sorry Crystal! So I'm on my own, and I'll be honest, I haven't even bought all of his presents, let alone goodie bags, decorations and groceries. And cleaning the house... HA. Luckily, it is supposed to be gorgeous out this weekend, so I will usher everyone outside.

Oh well, one way or another it will happen, and most likely Cohen will be so excited to have all of his friends over, he won't notice.

Ooops, there's Luci, gotta run!

1 month old!

2008-06-14T18:21:00.001+13:00

can't believe it. next thing i know, she'll be in kindergarten! it has been quite the month. we are now in full swing - and we're getting our routine down. she usually wakes up around 6am, and if i give her a quick feed, she'll lie quietly with me for another hour. up at 7, coffee for me. empty the dishwasher, make breakfast for cohen and lili. wake them up at 7:30. get them fed, dressed, wipe down counters and table. feed luci again. get luci into her carseat, shoes and jackets on lili and cohen. leave house at 8:30. drop cohen off, go pick up julia for 9am. take julia, lili and luci with me as i run errands - usually grocery shopping, the library, or shopping for gifts (we average a birthday party every week, this is ridiculous). today we went grocery shopping, and it didn't go as smoothly this time - the kiddy corral for lili and julia wasn't open (ack!), and luci got cranky, so i was walking around with luci in one arm, pushing the cart with the other, and asking lili and Julia to put the groceries i selected into the cart... exhausting! Anyway – after we run errands, we usually race home to drop off our treasures and i will feed luci while the girls go outside to play. Then, we’re back in the van again, off to pick up cohen at 11:45. Next, i usually send the kids downstairs so that i can make lunch. Luci usually has a prolonged nap at this time – 2 hours. While the kids are sitting down and eating, i’ll prepare a snack for the afternoon, sweep the floors, mop if it’s needed, and start getting dinner ready. When the kids are done lunch, i send them back outside to play, or if it’s rainy, i’ll put in a movie for them. Luci will wake up and while she enjoys her lunch, i’ll enjoy a cooking show or two on tv and a much needed 30 minutes off of my feet. Then she gets bouncy chair time, and i get going on the laundry. I can’t believe, by the way, how much laundry 5 people generate. I’ve started going through everyone’s dirty laundry, and if it isn’t REALLY dirty (visual dirt and/or bad smell), it goes back in the closet. Shh, don’t tell ian. I still do 1-2 loads every day. And i’m always about a load behind. Sigh. After laundry, i get the kids at the table for their afternoon snack, followed by a piano lesson for one of them and a craft for the others. We rotate days for the piano lesson, of course. Then, amazingly, it’s usually around 4:30, and we all collapse onto the sofa and watch some well-deserved cartoons while we wait for ian to get home and/or parents to come pick them up. Dinner follows, then playtime and swimming/skating/soccer/t-ball or whatever lessons that we have scheduled for that day. If ian’s home, 7:30 is ME time. I get one hour. I usually use it to take luci for a walk. I LOVE the walk. She’s quiet, i have my i-pod loaded with either classical music, 80’s tunes, power ballads or WHATEVER i want. No screaming kids. No “why, mom?”s. No pouting. No whining. If i don’t take the walk, i will typically hand off luci to ian, and take a bath. When he’s working nights, of course, i don’t get my hour. And that’s tough. I find it really difficult on those nights.

In the next few weeks, i have to start finding the time to work out 2x per week, plus 2 nights of swimming as well. I have to do it – i have to allow myself to be a priority for those times. I just can’t imagine it. I barely have time to pee these days! Sometimes i forget to feed myself lunch. I’m probably drinking too much coffee too. Well, 2 cups seems like too much!

During my walks, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking. On one hand, i am absolutely LOVING staying home with the kids. I had so much fear about whether or not i could handle it – and now i’m certain that not only can i handle it, i can do it really well, and enjoy myself too. The kids are happy, and my house is clean for the first time in years! Today i actually made BOTH banana bread AND cookies – from scratch! The thing is though – i feel like staying home for one year is only going to give me a taste of what i can do. When luci is 1 year old... that is just when it starts to get really fun and rewarding. It seems like such a tease to go back to work then. I have other options of course – i could start teaching again, and stay home. I could go back to school... i just don’t know. And i don’t want to wait to decide – because i know this year will go so quickly. It’s not even a year anymore – 11 months only!
Ohhhh what am i doing, messing with my schedule by typing this. I just realized that i have to get up at 6:30 for when j&b are dropped off in the morning. Then i have to get lili ready for her ballet recital – which i THINK is at 10am (her class is usually at 9:15 but one of the parents last week told me it’s at 10 this week), and pick up Julia. After the recital, drop Julia off, go home, wrap all of julia’s birthday presents, make lunch, wake up ian, take cohen and lili to julia’s birthday party.
Ian is off sat/sun/mon/tues – and i think i may ask for a morning off. Go see a movie by myself or something. Go sit in a hotub somewhere (ha, yeah, cause my bathing suit fits SO well).
I should be asleep. My brain is mush. I must be crazy to take on this much... but what’s really crazy is, well, i’m happier than i’ve been in a long time. I love my kids, i love my husband, i love being a mom and i can tolerate being a wife ;)

pics later. sleep now.
ps - started to write this post this morning at 9:30am. finished at 11:22pm. nice.

4 weeks old (almost!)

2008-06-11T03:14:00.006+13:00

luci is 4 weeks old tomorrow!

and boy, has it been an interesting week. luci is still sick - she gets so stuffed up at night, and the saline is no longer effective. i feel so bad for her, but hopefully it will clear up on its own in the next day or two - i don't want to have to take her back to the hospital for more suctioning!

just when i thought things couldn't get more difficult, ian came down with the stomach flu. yesterday he was teaching at the school, and luci slept all day, so i managed to get a solid 8 hours of cleaning done. no kidding. laundry, floors, cleaning out the cupboards, going through the kids' clothing, etc etc. it seemed like it was going to be such a great day... and then ian came home sick. i quaranteened him in our bedroom. however, this meant that i had to care for the 5 kids by myself last night, which is difficult, especially when luci isn't feeling that great. and since she slept all day, she was pretty cranky from dinner-time on.

it was chaos! my friend crystal came for a visit, and it was great to have adult conversation again, even if it was with kids racing around us, shrieking!

after i got everyone in bed, luci and i hung out in the living room, watching tv (me) and eating (her). i decided that i had better sleep on the couch, so i brought her bassinett out here and settled in for the night.

not a great sleep. i've been up since 4:30, which is when luci started getting really stuffed up and miserable. so i'm pretty exhausted, which is probably why i agreed to let cohen stay home from school today. it's pouring rain (which i love) again, and getting all 3 girls out the door to drop him off and pick him up again in a few hours... well, that seems to be more than i'm willing to do today.

in other news - ian got a new tattoo this week. i love it - it is the cover of a leonard cohen album, in honour of cohen (the kids, not the musician). now it's my turn...i haven't even thought of what i'd like yet. no clue.

and, as usual, here are some pictures of little luci...

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ps - took the whole family to see kung fu panda on sunday - AMAZING movie. ian and i loved it. the kids liked it too! ;)

Adventures at the Hospital!

2008-06-07T10:01:00.004+13:00

just when i think i can't handle anything else...

yesterday, luci seemed to be doing ok for the most part. she was still stuffed up and seemed a little cranky, but that was all... until around dinner time. i started noticing that she was becoming more lethargic, and then i noticed that she had diahhrea, which is really, really bad for newborns. after her 3rd diaper change with the runs, and when she started to refuse to eat and seemed to have trouble focusing on my face, i called health link.

usually i like health link. despite the thousand questions they have to ask, i typically trust their advise. this time, not so much. they told me to make a saline to drop into luci's nose - which was fine, but it takes a while to cool boiled water! so i never actually got to that part. they told me to go to this after-hours clinic, and said a nurse from the clinic would phone me right back with an appointment time. this was at about 7pm. well, when the "nurse" called me, she barely spoke any english and kept calling luci "laci". she also told me i "had" to come in right away, as they wouldn't see me after 8. i hung up, called ian at work, and he advised me to go directly to the childrens and he'd meet me there.

i knew she was ok... but i also knew that newborns go from being "ok" to being really NOT ok very quickly, so we decided not to take the chance.

ian's partner dropped him off and i met him there. we got through triage immediately (miracle!) because of how young luci is. we didn't wait at all, really, and actually saw the doc before we even saw the nurse! he ordered "deep suction" for her, plus tylonol and pedialyte. the deep suction was truamatic to say the least - a respiratory therapist came, and had to insert a catheter into each of her nostrils while a nurse held her still (no easy job). she screamed like crazy - and cried real tears! it was horrible - ian and i just sat there holding hands and trying not to cry. the good news was that it worked - she had a really bad blockage that they cleared up, and she was happy as a clam after that. although, it took a few hours before she stopped taking those horrible, heartbreaking shuddering gasps.

immediately after the suctioning, she fed (yay!) and we were able to go home. she had a good night (for once, i was happy to wake up and feed her!). she was congested again this morning, but ian snagged some saline for us to use to help break up any blockages this time around.

i was also really relieved when ians superintendent came by the hospital to check on us - and to give ian the rest of the night off. very nice, and great to have ian awake today!

so there's our first adventure at the hospital with luci. lili had her first hospital visit at 3 weeks as well.

we're home now, and doing much better, she's been feeding all day.

whew! SURELY we'll have an uneventful week now...right?