i feel like ugh.

ugh. i am feeling horrible lately. i wish i could say with any certainty that it is due to pregnancy, but i'm fairly certain that it is due to the fact that i didn't work out once this week.

ugh.

i'm actually hoping that i can find out as early as september 4th, as ian gets to make his vacation picks that day, and we'd love to plan a few weeks vacation for him after baby is born (he'll be taking paternity leave for 2 weeks, so add 2 or 3 weeks paid vacation to that and we'll have a great time!). We could save the vacation time for a few months down the road, when we'll be more able to actual have a vacation, i suppose. i dunno. these things are so hard to plan this far in advance!

my neighbors came home from 3 weeks of camping yesterday. it was nice to have all the kids on the street back outside playing together again. i can't help but wonder how difficult it is going to be to have a newborn, a 1 year old, a 2.5 year old, a 3.5 year old and a 5 year old to look after. but then i remember - ian will always be home (no so with me - he might be on his own a few days per week), we have a huge playroom being built, and the older kids will occupy themselves.

here's hoping i'm not crazy.

m.

Our work is done - for this month!

Just for fun, I am trying to have a girl.

This means that I am restricting all of the "trying" to the week before ovulation, up until a day prior. Then Ian's cut off. So to speak, haha. It's kind of frustrating me, because I'd like to keep trying just to increase the chances of getting pregnant. However, this method worked when we were trying for Lili, so why not.

So now we wait. September 4th, I can take an early pregnancy test. 10 days. I'm so not good at this! With Cohen, it was a surprise. With Lili, we got pregnant the first month we tried, much to our surprise. And I knew, pretty quickly. How?

I knew because one day, I just absolutely had to take a nap. HAD to. I don't nap. Even when I can nap, I usually don't. But I remember - I just collapsed into bed, begging my mom to watch Cohen. "You're pregnant!" she exclaimed. "Don't be silly," I countered. After a few hours of sleep, off I went to the drugstore, and sure enough, I was pregnant.

So I can't help wondering if I'll feel the same this time. I'm trying to prepare myself for months and months of trying. Ian just loves that idea, go figure.

One thing that is different already - I feel much older. It's kind of silly, really, since I'm in really good shape right now. But lately, I'm finding that there are little creaks and cricks in my body that weren't there before. Very mild, very minor. Part of it, I suspect, stems from me needing a new mattress! However, I think that this pregnancy will likely be slightly different from the other two, thanks to my age. I loved being pregnant both times so far - there were challenges, for sure, but I did really love it. Hopefully I'll love it a third time.

We have a couple of names in mind already. 2 possible girl names, 1 boy name. I'm relieved, as I wasn't sure we'd be able to come up with any.

All right. the countdown begins. The countdown to the countdown, that is.

Fall is just around the corner, I can't wait!

M.

Working hard for baby!

I'm ovulating.

This is stressful, this third child business, and we haven't even conceived! First of all, finding the time to TRY and conceive - that's a challenge. Secondly, I can practically sense my body's reluctance - "we're old!" my eggs are saying. Sheesh. Not even thirty, guys. Hang in there.

Well, we're having fun with it all. This may very well be the last time.

Cohen started Kindergarten today, and Lili starts preschool next week... it's definately time for a new addition. Haha, I'd be lying if I didn't say that the fact that I get maternity leave this time around, well, that has something to do with it. I'm a stay-at-home mom at heart. Not all moms I know are. I would love to stay at home. However, not possible, not right now anyways. So the idea of having a year at home with my kids- that's amazing.

We've thought of a few names already, jokingly sort of. 4 of which I really love already. Which is a good sign, because we've tried to think of names for the last few years, to no avail.

I'm dreading the whole 9 (10 really) month thing. I know it will go fast. But it's hard to desperately wish for time to speed up (for baby) and desperately wish for it to slow down (for my other kids). All I can do is live in the moment, I guess. We all know how patient I can be :)

September 4th, I can take a pregnancy test. Lord knows we've worked hard this month. Here's hoping for a May baby!

M.

I'm a thief!

I am totally stealing the idea of this blog from my good friend Jill.

I hope she doesn't mind. I have been such an avid reader of her belly-blog. I can't possibly hope to be as regular is she is when it comes to posting, nor as eloquent, but seeing as more than half of my friends are no longer living in Calgary, I will do what I can to keep them all up to date.

Ian and I have decided to take the plunge and try for a third child.

There, I said it!

It took us over 2 years to decide - Cohen and Lili are only 21 months apart, but we knew for sure we didn't want to try that again. I knew I didn't feel "finished" yet, but reality is an ugly thing. Could we afford 3 kids? Did we have the time for 3 kids? Did we have the patience for 3 kids?

Yes yes and yes.

Man, making the decision about the third child is hard! I have two other friends who are currently going through the same thing. The thing is - the second child is such a HUGE change from having only one. One child was easy. Very, very easy. Of course, I didn't know it was easy until I had my second. Two is hard. So there's no ignorance going into the decision to have 3 kids - I know it will be damn hard.

I also know that "hard" has never stopped me in my life. And that if there is anyone out there that can deal with "hard", it's me and Ian as a team.

So, alas, it came down to a time factor - Lili is 3. We don't want our youngest to be more than 4 years younger than our second-youngest. Therefore - it's now or never. Frankly, I'm excited - both Cohen and Lili will be old enough to be helpful. Cohen will be in school every day, Lil will be at preschool.

The only snag in our plans, of course, is the fact that we now babysit our neighbors children (a 2 year old and a 6 month old) 4 days out of every 8. Add baby to that... hard.

I can do "hard".

So we've just started trying. Last month, no luck. This month... we'll see. I plan on taking the test September 4th. I'm really hoping it's positive, which would give me a May baby.

I don't want a June, July or August baby. being that pregnant in that heat... not so fun. Did it once, not really into doing it again.

We are not planning on telling anyone that we are trying, not until we know that we're pregnant. Even then, I'd like to wait the 12 weeks first - I'm not naive enough to think that after two uneventful (sort of) and healthy (mostly) pregnancies, things will be just as smooth.

We'll see I guess. In the meantime, I'll post here, secretly, and hope that there is good news soon.

M.