8 weeks

I'll admit it - I'm a little sad that Luci is already 8 weeks old. Today, at the pool, there was another mom there with wee one - must have been days or just a week old. I couldn't help it, I was sad! I know how fast these months and years are going to go. This year especially - I'm still dealing every day with the decision of what to do when my year of leave is up. Anyways, Luci is just a few days short of 2 months old already. How does that happen? Tonight, as I stared at her smile, I wondered, for a split second, if maybe there would be room for a 4th child in our lives. JUST FOR A SPLIT SECOND.

The reality is, we couldn't afford it. Do I think we could handle 4 kids - hell ya, we are handling 6 just fine, thank ya! 4 would feel like nothin. But, Ian and I do have grand plans for retirement and for when our kids move out. I don't know. The other thing is, there is no way I want to tempt the fates by trying for a 4th, perfectly healthy child. Seriously, I cannot believe how lucky we have been (knock on wood).

Anyways, I'm still done. We're still done. I'm just a little sad about it, that's all.

Ahem.

Met with my trainer for my first full-length session today. She kicked my ass all over the block, lemme tell ya. She had us work out outside, which would have been fine, except:
1- I wasn't planning on having all my neighbors see me in my sweat-suit glory, red-faced and exhausted too...
2- it was darn hot out. I despise being hot. Next time, I want to work out in the skating rink.
3- the mosquitos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap! Even though I was well-drenched in repellent, I could feel them biting me through my clothes. And of course I was sweating like crazy, which only brings them on in droves.

Other than that, it was a great workout. She had me do all of my arm stuff (with weights) while we were walking (fast). SUCH a better workout than doing them while stationary. The only problem is, I like to workout while watching crappy TV usually (allows me to be distracted from the agony), even though I know that working out is most effective if you are 100% focused on what you're doing. It's also rather embarrasing, as I mentioned. Not only did the neighbors on my cul-de-sac get to see me hot and sweaty, practically all of Westgate did as well, during our 2 walks .

Ok, seriously, I'm not by nature self-conscious, but it did feel a little crappy to imagine what they were seeing: The overweight, purple-faced woman panting and groaning with weights, walking down the street with the size 2, scantily clad, blonde bombshell of a trainer. I felt like a walking cliche. I kept trying to tell myself, hey, I'm sure they respect the fact that I'm out here doing something about it... but I'm pretty sure that many of them (them being the hundreds of neighbors I have that are obviously home at 3:30 on a weekday afternoon during Stampede no less and who have nothing better to do than to stare out their front window and make gross assumptions about me) looked at me and expected me to fail.

Grrr. Yup, nothing like a little psychological nonsense to get you through a workout.

Anyhoo, I got through it, and this week I've got to swim 2 nights (Karm, if you are interested, you should come with! It's a good workout), and go for 2 walks (with Luci, my own personal 12 lb weight). She so far doesn't expect me to do the workouts that we do together, on my own. Which is a little odd. I'm not just paying her to work out with me once a week, I'm paying her to design me a workout plan... so I guess I should ask her about it, eh?

11:45pm - my brother just came up to the front window and knocked on it - hard! I'm sitting her wearing just a towel, having come straight from my bath to blog. Ian is out, nothing like a little random banging on the window to get a girl screaming. Good to know that if anyone ever tried to break in, I'd do nothing other than scream. Jesus. Amazingly, the kids did not wake up. My heart sure is pounding though, man.

All right. Tomorrow morning is my first weigh-in - officially marking the completion of my first week back on the saddle.

I think I'll go to McDonalds to celebrate. JUST KIDDING. Seriously though, Ian has granted me freedom from 11am - 5pm tomorrow- I have to be out of the house and cannot return early. I'm not sure what to do with myself. So far, my only plan is to go to Wal-Mart and get some pictures developed, and browse a bit (you cannot browse with kids in tow). Hell, how suburban am I? 6 hours of free time and my only destination is Wal-f'ing-Mart. Probably I'll go out for lunch somewhere and depress myself by eating a stupid-healthy chicken breast (I know, it should make me happy to treat my body well, blah blah blah) and salad. I'd go shopping, but we're broke until our vacation is done. I'd go to a movie but what fun is a movie without soaked-in-butter popcorn?

Jesus, am I that pathetic now, that I have nothing to do? No friends to hang out with (at least, none that aren't working...)... I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. Man, if I could eat crap or at least smoke, I'd have a grand time. I've sucked all the fun outta my life to be healthy though.

It's WAY past my bedtime. Lately Luci has been waking at 4:30am, and deciding she's up for the day. The girl doesn't sleep more than 8 hours outta 24 these days, so I'm wiped. 6am I can deal with. 4:30 is inhumane. So tonight, i actually woke her at 10:30 to feed her, in the hopes that she'll sleep a little longer...