surprise!

oops... turns out we can't find the infant carseat. i'm sure i can remember seeing it... somewhere. ian and i searched everywhere, but can't find it.

this is bad.

the good news is... we can afford to buy a new one. and frankly, i was already searching for a compatible stroller for the carseat - we have only the double stroller to go with our old carseat, and i don't particularily wish to be walking around with one child in the double stroller.

however, it kinda sucks to suddenly have to spend $200+ all of a sudden. Not to mention the timing really sucks. STAY PUT, baby! The carseat I am choosing is $85 cheaper if I buy in online and have it shipped. Shipping could take a week at least! Who knows if we have a week!

you see my dilemma.

umm. so if anyone out there has an infant carseat and base that we could borrow for a few weeks... let me know!

m.

37 weeks, 3 days.

the party was a fantastic success! will hopefully post some more on that on lili & cohen's blog.

i feel a huge sense of relief - a sort of "now that that's done, baby can come anytime" feeling!

lots of crampiness and braxton hicks today. my office is sweltering, and i'm suddenly grateful that i'm due in the spring, not the summer, as i can feel my extremities already wanting to swell up with the heat.

my cousin sean and his family are visiting from australia for the next little while - i'd love to have the baby while they're here, as i'm not sure when they'll be back again. got to meet little Declan - cutest toddler ever! also got to meet mel and murray's little girl Sydney - cutest baby ever! there were definitely more babes than preschoolers at lili's party, but she didn't seem to mind!

nights are getting increasingly difficult - it is SO hard to roll over, and i'm a restless sleeper at the best of times who likes to flip over every hour or so. i probably got about 2-3 hours total last night. hopefully tonight will be an improvement. i'm terrified of having a night like that and then going into labour. i was lucky with both cohen and lili - with cohen i had a great sleep, and went in around 11:30am, with lili labour started at 5am, also after plenty of rest.

i cannot imagine trying to labour with no sleep!

only 2 more days of work - i am really looking forward to putting my feet up for a few days and watching crappy tv and/or reading. and, most of all, spending some quality time with lili and cohen as well.

we got them both kid-friendly digital cameras for after baby comes, i think they will both love being put in charge of photos.

18 days to go... give or take.

m.

at this rate, one shoulder to cry on isn't going to be enough!

seriously, if the next 3 weeks are going to be like this, just kill me now.

last night i managed to get some cleaning done, especially after i spoke to ian and he basically told me that anything i wanted done i would have to do myself and then hung up on me. i cried for another hour (this is getting to be a new record), and then got angry and started cleaning. he called back to apologize later... which i appreciate but it seems to me that apologies always seem to come when the damage is already done - he's on nights, the party is sunday, so apology or not, i'm the one stuck getting everything ready again. grrr. MEN!

bathed the kids, got them to bed. got enough stuff done that i could justify going to bed... but didn't fall asleep until 1:30am or so. woke up at 7, got lili ready for ballet class. ian came home and did the dishes for me (smart boy) before heading to bed. after ballet, i picked up julia and took the girls for a haircut/style. what a freaking disaster. it was SO busy in there, that they even said in front of me "well, their appointment is supposed to be for 1/2 hour, but lets see if we can't get them done in 15". uhhh... hullo, standing right here, and paying for 1/2 hour! as it turned out, julia's hair looks fantastic, (although the stylist gave me some lip), lili's looks terrible. the so-called "stylist" french braided it... i could have done a better job myself! so when we got home, i took the braids out... and wow, the cut is terrible! she missed huge chunks, and the bangs are uneven... grrr!

anyways, swung by mcdonalds on the way home, and surprise! they messed up the order... big time! since when does a big mac have 6 patties (i kid you not) and bacon? and apparently no pickles/onions means double up. medium fry must be code for large fry.

finish up lunch, go to the washroom and notice that there is a pair of scissors on the sink, and some hair. yeah. cohen decided that he would cut his own hair. close inspection reveals several bald spots. i'm trying to figure out just how angry i should be, as surely the RAGE i'm feeling has more to do with hormones and the general stress of this weekend. i talk to him calmly (i think), but can't help it - i start to cry. he gets hysterical, and i feel like evil mom of the year.

i look like shit (holy retaining water, batman), i feel like shit, and all i want to do is go to bed and cry.

please god, get me through this weekend!

ok - side note - jonathon and arwen just showed up for the party... a day early. HEIDI! too funny. a little humour that i desperately needed!

stupid stupid stupid

so, after work today i decided to take a foray into the mall, against my better judgement... but i had to get some party supplies at the dollar store, and plus, since neither ian nor the kids had a chance to get me anything for my birthday this year (no comment), i figured i'd treat myself to a new pair of payless shoes and maybe even a new purse.

now, the stores for the above items are halfway down the mall, but i figured i could handle it. i only had 30 minutes to shop anyways, as i had to pick lili up and then drive waaaaayyyy far away to pick cohen up from his friends house.

the dollar store went ok - it was really crowded, and i was suddenly boiling hot, but i grabbed a ton of mismatched party items (it hurts the Martha in me to even admit that), some treats for goody bags, and i was outta there.

next stop - payless shoes. i'm really hot by now, and carrying my over-filled purse and a large bag from the dollar store. but if anything will cheer me up, it'll be shoes. i first search for a pair of new sneakers for cohen (it is BOGO after all), which takes me about 10 minutes. i know if i choose incorrectly, i'll have to come back and exchange. luckily, i'm pretty sure i know what cohen will like, and settle on just the right pair. onto my shoes... unfortunately, i forgot that being 9 months pregnant makes your feet swell. a LOT. so my desire to get a cute pair of sandals for the summer, yeah, not happening. i bite back the tears of frustration, and settle on a cute pair of runners.

that done, i head across to the kiosk with all of the purses. unfortunately, by that point, i'm pretty much fried. my feet hurt, my back hurts, i'm dripping sweat, and dammit anyways, it's 5pm, time to go. i promise myself a new purse after baby comes. AND a new wallet, just to make up for the delay. (I am telling myself at this point that i will not let the diaper bag turn into my purse this time around).

so, i begin the long and now extremely painful walk to the other end of the mall, out to the parking lot. the cool air outside feels wonderful, and i wobble my way to the van. i shove my hand into the depths of my purse, trying not to drop the various bags i'm carrying. as i do, a picture flashes in my brain:

my keys, i'm suddenly certain, are sitting on my desk back up in the office.

i frantically rummage through my purse... nothing. i check the time... 5:05pm. FWORD! everyone has probably left the office already. i search the parking lot, and sure enough, i don't recognize any cars. i frantically use my cell phone (which, thank GOD is charged and working for the first time all week) to call my boss. luckily, our first aid instructor trainer is still up on the 4th floor. maybe.

i dash (ok, let's get serious, there was very little actual "dashing" involved) back inside, over to the professional building, up the elevator. i decide to try the second floor where our main office is, just in case. nope, door is locked. back to the elevator, up to the fourth floor. i yank the classroom door open, and thank god, there is jeff, packing up to leave. he gives me his keys, and back i go to the elevator, to the 2nd floor. i am praying at this point that if my keys are indeed sitting on my desk as i suspect, that i have left MY office door unlocked. otherwise, i'm pooched.

whew, door is unlocked (a habit i've been recently subscribing to, due to pregnancy brain issues), and sure enough, there sit my keys. i grab them, limp my way to the elevator again. on the way back up to the fourth floor, i catch a glance of myself in the mirror. really, really wish i hadn't. i'm pale and sweating, my hair is messed up, and i have wicked bags under my eyes, thanks to a mostly sleepless night. great. anyways - drop the keys off to jeff, back to the elevator, back down to the main floor, and finally, FINALLY i throw everything into the van, guzzle a litre or so of water (not smart), rest my head on the steering wheel and think about crying.

i only think about it because i realize that it's 5:20. i'm really, really late!

i manage to pick up lili only slightly late (5:45) and cohen really late (6:15), and as i'm getting him into the van i decide to ignore the fact that it smells like my engine is on fire. surely it has nothing to do with my going over the 12 speed bumps in this neighborhood at 60k. can't possibly.

drive home, ordering pizza on the way. thank god, i think, thank god that ian spent the day cleaning the house, and now all i have left to do is small things, like dust, wipe down surfaces, maybe organize the fridge and that kind of thing.

open the door, carrying my 3 shopping bags, kitty, blankie, and cohen's backpack.

i'm greated by... a house that is undeniably 10x messier than it was when i left in the morning. i throw everything on the floor, and take a quick circuit through the house. i'm in shock. in the 4 - no, 5! hours he had, he managed to change the kitty litter, put up a curtain rod, bring up a bin of clothing i asked for... and didn't get around to the whole "cleaning up" part of my list. that's right, i left the man a list. i left him a list because today is the only chance he'll have to help me out before the party.

i kid you not, i sent the kids downstairs, and sat on my sofa and wept hysterically for an hour straight. not because everything wouldn't get done - but because it will. somehow, i'll find a way to get it done, i always do. but honestly, a big part of me was contemplating canceling this party. of course, i could never break lili's heart like that. which is why it will all get done.

i called ian to yell at him... luckily, he didn't answer. even more lucky for him, he hasn't called back. i fed the kids, took a bath, bathed them, and now they're in bed. my back spasms have stopped, and i figure i can get in at least an hour of deep cleaning tonight. i'm a little more calm, so if ian calls, i'm going to just not mention it. he is who he is - and i know from experience that when he cleans, it's more... hmm... 30 minutes of standing in front of the tv watching star trek to every 5 minutes of cleaning. he means well (i have to believe that), but he's so absent minded and easily distracted.

sigh.

i just hope he doesn't have any real expectation that he'll be able to come home from work tomorrow morning and go right to bed. nuh-uh. i'm getting at least an hour of solid SUPERVISED cleaning from him first!

m.

37 Weeks

Today is my 4th last day of work. I've been really pushing myself this week, trying to get everything done exactly how I want it done before I leave... and in doing so, I've totally worn myself out. I can't remember ever feeling this tired in my entire life! The timing couldn't be worse - Ian starts his night shifts tonight, and that generally means that for the next 3 days, I'm on my own! Thank god it's Friday - Pizza Night at our house - and hopefully Ian is at home right this second trying to get the house cleaned up as much as possible for me, so that there is not so much for me to do before the party on Sunday!

Baby is moving around quite forcefully today. In fact, a few minutes ago, I stood up and actually thought for a split second that she was going to fall out, as the pressure was so strong. I sat back down pretty darn quick.

3 more weeks, at the most. Ok, 4 at the most, but let's not talk about that right now.

What a week. It's been so crazy trying to get things ready - and we've been trying to do some small house renos too (thank you, tax return), which has meant several trips back and forth to the hardware store etc. Plus shopping for Lili's gifts... and then my birthday (yes, we squeezed in dinner and a trip to the grocery store)... and now I still need to get some decorations, get the house cleaned up, order the cake (dammit I just remembered that one), take Lili and her cousin Julia to get their hair done on Saturday after ballet, go get a pedicure Saturday afternoon (yay, a birthday present), and start making all of the food Saturday evening.

Baby, stay put!

Granted, if I went into labour in the next day or two, I'll have a lot less to do this weekend!

And the news is...

everything is fine. or, i should say, as fine as it has always been!

the doc i saw today looked back at my 20week u/s and figures the tech was probably referring to either the echogenic focus on baby's heart, or the spleen issue... but again, she should not have said anything.

regardless - most recent u/s shows baby is head-down, still in the 50 percentile range, plenty of fluid... so all is well.

so there is still small chance that baby has downs syndrome... but it's a very small chance.

today i had my group b strep test (unpleasant), and most likely it will come back positive, since i was positive with lili. all this means is that i have to be given antibiotics via IV immediately upon arrival at the hospital, and that i can't wait too long to get to the hospital so that there is enough time to administer at least one round.

since i was already on my back with my legs spread (i know, it's fabulously horrible, but there it is), she checked my progress as well. and, baby's head is down already - she's dropped - cervix is soft, and 2cm dilated.

now, this sounds great... but i was 2cm with cohen for something like 5 weeks, and 3cm with lili for 3 weeks.

so... i'm not reading anything into it. i know my body is getting prepared... but i also know it's gonna take however much time it needs to do so! and frankly... i don't want the baby to come before may 7th, so that i have a week to prepare!

today on the drive home from work, i did start having some really uncomfortable contractions, across my abdomon and lower back. it was enough to take my breath away... but went away after a few minutes. thank god.

anyhoo. all is well, we can relax for now and if i can just get through this birthday party this weekend, i'll be fairly relaxed!

m.

36 weeks, 3 days

wow, apparently 2 people read this blog LOL! thanks crystal and nancy! i'll admit i'm somewhat disappointed... but i must remind myself that pregnancy is mostly interesting to pregnant people only! to others it probably just seems like a lot of whining and sentamentality! too funny. oh well.

the weekend went all right! i forced myself to get some stuff done - cleaning-wise! i'm having a lot of problems with my hips and lower back, so i'm not overly mobile these days. which is driving me absolutely insane. and we're crazy-busy this week - we had j&b all weekend (sat/sun day) so it was pretty hard to get any errands done. plus the van had to go in for new breaks ($600, gone, just like that, POOF!), so we were down one vehicle.

i DID manage to get some shopping done - lili and i spent saturday morning together, some girl time! we had breakfast together, and then picked up a few things for the hospital stay (slippers, nighties etc), and even a few things for baby. after only an hour though, i was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. we went to the craft store to look for a good stencil for the girls' room (didn't find any), and usually lili and i will spend hours looking through the art supplies etc... but not this time!

i have to tell you, this has been great for my budget!

suddenly though, today i realized how short on time we really are - tomorrow ian is working at the school with me, and he goes back to work on wednesday. hopefully we can get our neighbors to babysit the kids wednesday for a few hours in the evening, so ian and i can go shopping... because thursday after work ian and i are going out for dinner and a movie (can't remember the last time we did that... but it's my birthday, so i'm thrilled that we'll have the chance!)... friday i work days, ian works nights.... saturday ian will be asleep all day, so i can take both kids and try and get some stuff done then... saturday evening ian works all night, so i'll be party-prepping on my own! sunday is the day of the party (lili's birthday party) which will likely NOT be at edworthy park after all, but at our house, which means, you got it, must have a clean house!. sunday, ian will be sleeping until the party starts, and i'll have cohen, lili plus j&b too!

i'm a little stressed out about it. however, i've come up with a few solutions.

1 - visit dollar store at lunch tomorrow at work - buy decorations.
2 - order groceries for party online! LOVE pic'n'del! have delivered sat am.
3 - become nazi-mary tomorrow, and make ian and the kids clean clean clean clean.
4 - do not go into labour.

speaking of labour. i'm definitely noticing that my body is preparing more and more. lots of lower back pain, cramps, and general fatigue. the urge to nest is there but not overwhelming yet... if i walk a lot, the contractions start up pretty quickly - but as soon as i rest, they slow down and fade away.

i'm mentally prepared to go until my due date. in fact, i need all the time i can get! i found out today that our neighbors are going to try and give us 2 weeks off - the first two tours in May off - which would mean we wouldn't have their kids until May 24! oh my god! i really hope it works out that way - it would be really fantastic to a) have a week or two of my mat leave to spend with just cohen and lili and b) to have a week or two with baby and my kids!

sure wish the weather would turn... i actually planned fairly carefully to have a spring baby... and yet... it's FREEZING out there! sheesh!

I almost forgot

I have no idea how many people are still reading this blog, as very few comments get made (I know, I'm terrible at commenting on blogs too, I just read 'em!)... but I'm hoping that if you ARE reading this, you'll comment on this post!

It's time to "choose the date".

Include the following in your guess:
Date
Time
Weight
Sex (ok, if you don't get this one correct you're disqualified)

And BONUS - If you can guess 1 or more of our selected names, you win the BONUS PRIZE! Here's a hint... all 3 names include the letter E.

Whomever is the most accurate will win!

Prizes are:
1st prize - admiration of all readers of this blog
Bonus prize - admiration of all readers of this blog AND a post in your honour!

36 weeks... less than a month to go!

well, 36 weeks! crunch time. i really should get a move on, there is so much left to do. there is just no time - anytime i am off, i have the kids - usually all 4 of them. i really need to find a sitter for a few hours so that i can drag my waddling self to the store! i still need to finish the border in the girls' room, and buy a few things as well - a changing table pad, a stoller that will fit my carseat, a baby bathtub, some sweaters/hats for baby, SOCKS for baby (how did i miss this!), and possibly new bottles. more on that later.

i'm feeling ok. i did not hear from the doctor this week, but i have a sneaking suspicion that unless it was something emergent, they wouldn't call me anyways, knowing that i'm in every week for my regular appointment. ian and i talked about it a lot and decided to wait until wednesday. no matter what is potentially "wrong", there is nothing we can do to change it between now and wednesday, and so we decided to enjoy the next few days and deal with whatever it is when the time comes. of course, ian is working wednesday, so i'll be on my own. but in a way that's good too, because if there is bad news, other than ian i don't think i'd want anyone else around.

have i mentioned how much i love ian? i called him that day, after the u/s, fairly hysterical. if you know me at all, you know that i rarely ever cry. and i almost never lose control to the point where i can barely speak... which is how i was when i called him. he must have been shocked... but he said the exact right thing... that it doesn't matter if there is something "wrong" with this baby, or if there isn't. it's still our baby, and we'll still love it no matter what. and that if this baby has downs syndrome, then how lucky for the baby to have parents like us.

of course this all made me cry that much harder, because i knew that's how i felt but i was so worried how he would feel. i'm the one, after all, who really wanted a third child. i was worried that he would somehow resent me for pushing the idea, for pushing the odds.

anyway, this is all hopefully a moot point - i keep telling myself, this was my 4th (actually 5th, if you count the one at 7 week) ultrasound. surely they would have seen something earlier - especially since i just had one a few weeks prior to this one.

i've only got 1.5 weeks left of work - that's pretty amazing. i hope i get at least a few days after that before baby comes. i've been having some signs or my body getting ready - lots of irregular contractions, cramps, lower back pain, nausea - but none of the "for sure" signs that i remember having with lili. of course, every pregnancy is different, i keep reminding myself. last night i had the sudden "nesting" urge ("thank god, it's about time" ian said... i'll admit my contribution to housework has suffered of late), and managed to get all but the kitchen cleaned. 3 solid hours of cleaning and organizing, actually. and boy, am i paying the price today - my back is killing me! so that's another sign... except i remember nesting for 3 weeks or so before labour.

i really want a may baby, not an april baby, so i'm content to let her stay put for a few more weeks at least. april is slightly congested with birthdays already - mine, lili's, ian's mom, and several of my friends. plus, april in calgary = snow (trust me, having an april birthday i can tell you that it happens every year... let's not forget the blizzard that blew in the day that lili was born... and btw, have you looked out the window yet today?). may is slightly safer in that regard.

i do know of 3 other ladies who are due the same weekend as me. one of my former students, an old pal from jr/sr high, the wife of a friend from high school... and don't forget, we're all due on the long weekend. i suspect it is going to be crazy-busy that weekend in L&D, so i'm counting on being slightly early. plus, my mom is out of the country from the 4-11th or something like that, so...

all right. less than a month to go. i can't wait to sleep on my tummy again...

m

go figure.

predictable. the receptionist at my dr says "if you haven't heard anything in the next 3 days, assume all is fine".

great. now i somehow have to sit at work all day and pretend like i'm not freaking out. i tried closing my office door (god forbid) but within minutes people were knocking.

Freaking Out

so today was u/s #4. supposedly, it was just to find out if baby was still breech. i was pretty sure that baby had turned a few days after my last u/s, but i was still pretty nervous.

well, baby is not breech. she's kinda sideways, actually, silly muffin. but, mostly head-down, and basically the positioning is "normal".

so that's all fine and great. except, about half-way through the u/s, the tech (who, mind you, doesn't speak english all that well) asks me if i had an u/s around 18-20 weeks. i said, why, yes, i did. her reply scared the hell outta me:

"did they tell you if there was anything wrong?"

my heart stopped! "no," i said... "they didn't say anything was wrong".

"are you sure?" she said.

i could barely speak. i told her that there was a small shadow on the baby's heart, but it wasn't there at my next u/s.

her reply "nothing else at all?"

i'd had enough. "is there something wrong????" i ask.

"you'll need to speak to your doctor, i can't say"

bitch! i'm sorry, but i work in health care! she never should have asked. she should have left the room, and requested to have my u/s report faxed to her, which would take minutes. i know the procedure.

so i'm freaking out. i'm freaking out because of that "very small" chance that this baby has downs syndrome, based on the shadow they saw. i'm freaking out because i looked at the screen, and i know she was looking at the baby's heart when she was asking me all of this.

i'm trying to tell myself that it is a language issue, and she was just asking an innocent question. i'm trying to tell myself that maybe she saw the tumour on my spleen and was actually referring to that.

i called my mom... she says to call my doctor and tell them what happened. my next appointment isn't for over a week, so i shouldn't have to wait that long! i haven't called ian yet... he's stressed out enough today as is (he's working with a partner he can't stand).

ok. calling my dr. i hate to be one of "those people" but this is just ridiculous!

m

34 weeks, 5 days

had my regular bi-weekly appointment today. she is not convinced yet that baby has turned, so the u/s on tuesday should be interesting. baby is measuring slightly large again - 36 weeks, so i have no idea. i'm pretty sure baby is head down, judging from a)the location of the hiccups and b) the pressure on my cervix, but it could be wishful thinking.

she strongly urged me to stop working before 38 weeks. strongly urged as in on the verge of ordering bedrest. part of me was like no, no, no! but a bigger, more tired part of me was wishing she'd stop talking and write out a bedrest order for me.

the problem is, training my replacement is not going as planned. they have not found a replacement for her 2 jobs - she was already doing her job (first aid coordinator), plus filling in for another girls mat leave position (emr coordinator), and that girl doesn't come back until may 1, so... add to that the fact that one of our receptionists quit last week, and so she is filling in for reception too. needless to say, we have not had much time to be training. freaks me out - it took me a good solid 3 months to learn this position. she has 3 weeks.

and that, my friends, is why i don't think i can leave work early. not to mention the $, our budget is pretty strictly reliant upon me working until the 1st.

hmmm. the 1st is a thursday. maybe i'll leave 4 days early. no, can't do that, new emt class starts that day. dang it. i'm stuck, like it or not.

dr told me that if i can't go on leave early, then she wants me to cut back my hours. so maybe i'll talk to my boss about that. even leaving at 4pm would be great - i could go home, have an hour nap, and then pick up the kids.

i am very tired. yesterday, for example, i fell asleep at my desk for 30 minutes. in my chair, sitting upright. never done that before. and then, when i got home, i napped for 30 minutes. woke up, ate dinner (thank you ian), fell asleep for another 30 minutes. woke up, went pee, fell asleep for another 30 minutes. woke up just in time to put the kids to bed, and then went to bed myself. of course, got up every hour to pee or roll over... and it doesn't help that i get up at 6:30am, and still don't make it into work until 9am. i'm a little slow-moving these days, go figure.

anyways. things should start winding down here soon... sort of. skating is done until the end of may, cohen and lili will be done daycare may 1, swimming is done at the end of may until august... of course, starting in june i will be babysitting my brothers' daughter julia full time. yeah. i know, i'm crazy. but she's SUCH a good kid, she's only 7 weeks younger than lili, and they're such good friends... so i figured it would actually be easier to be home with a newborn if lili would have a playmate all day. plus, it's an extra $500/mth for us, which will really help our budget.

all right, i should get some work done.

m.

Pregnancy hormones and sour grapes

On Sunday, Ian, the kids and I braved the crowds to do our grocery shopping at Superstore. It was packed (Sunday afternoon, go figure)! After driving around the lot for a few minutes, I finally caught site of a women getting ready to pull out of her primo parking spot. I pulled behind her, put my signal on, and waited. Just when she pulled out, another car came flying in the other way and took the spot. I cursed the woman who did it, even though I managed to find another spot just a few metres further away.

Fast-forward to the produce isle. As I'm frantically trying to figure out which fruit I'm craving the most this week, I catch sight of the above-mentioned parking spot thief. Actually, I am standing right next to her, as I decide that the grapes look particularily craving-worthy today. As I glance over at her, I can't help but notice what she's doing.

The woman is opening EVERY grape bag she sees, and grabbing the best grapes out of each bag and putting them into hers.

I was absolutely flabbergasted! The nerve! That is a breach of grape protocol! You don't OPEN the bags of grapes, for crying out loud! You look through the bags (they are see-through for this reason) and choose which bag you feel has the best proportion of decent grapes! You take your chances, woman! You don't screw up everyone elses chance at a decent bag!

Hormones were surging. As my pulse started to race, I couldn't help it: everyone around her was staring at her, but no-one was saying anything. Until...

"Excuse me, do you have ANY idea how RUDE what you're doing is for the rest of us?"
Yup. That was me speaking. No response from her, just the sound of another grape bag being torn open.
"EXCUSE ME!"
No response. She glances at me and rolls her eyes though. And that's when I lost it.
"Selfish BITCH" I said, and stormed away, grapeless.

Good ole pregnancy hormones. Ian found me nearly in tears sorting through Kiwi's, a few minutes later. "Why don't we ask to speak to the produce manager," he soothed. Ah, but I would not be soothed! First my parking spot, then my grapes! The nerve!

Oh well. The good news is, my Kiwi this morning was fantastic - better than a bowlful of man-handled, half-decent grapes anyways.

34 weeks

6 more weeks to go. 19 work days left to go.

THANK GOD!

My main focus for the next 6 weeks is to avoid getting sick at all. And, to try and stay awake at work.

For the last few days I've had some mild lower-back pain, and crampiness. I know my body is getting ready for labour! My Braxton-Hicks contractions are starting to become more frequent, and more uncomfortable too. Nothing painful yet, but definite discomfort. I can also feel the changes to my cervix (sorry if that's too much information, but...), which is kind of neat - it's sort of comforting to be so familiar with all of these sensations.

The biggest issue right now is just fatigue. I really, really need to be done with work. It is sucking the life out of me! I just get so tired by mid-day.

I'm starting to get into check-list mode.
Name - CHECK! *yay!


annnnnnd that's about it. yikes. guess i should get going. i really, really want to go shopping but even the thought of it tires me out. i have no nursing bras, no slippers for the hospital, no nightgown for the hospital, no breast pump... which i'm definitely going to need! and most importantly, i want to get cohen and lili gifts, and i haven't done that either. jeez....

33 weeks,3 days

really starting to feel like i'm at the end of my rope! having trouble with the simplest things - walking up the front steps, for example. this low blood pressure is making me feel so weak. i hate it! i can't believe i have a month of work left, it is so exhausting.

i'm so excited about this baby, but i honestly am freaked out at how crappy i'm feeling! i'm not sleeping well - no more than an hour at a time - and i'm starting to have a lot of back pain. thank god the end is near! i wish i could be enjoying these last weeks of pregnancy, but life is too busy, and i hate feeling so unwell.

on the bright side - the baby's room is nearly done. i've started thinking about what i need to bring to the hospital, and hopefully next week i'll start packing.
the kids are getting excited, and it makes me laugh every day when they ask me "is the baby coming out today?". i'm looking forward to my time off, and trying really hard to remind myself that i will not have another opportuninty - ever - to have a year off with (some) pay!

ugh. baby is not moving as much as i would like. i don't know if i'm just too tired or busy to notice... (i did get into a disagreement with the resident at my last appointment. 'make sure you lie down for 2 hours each day and count movement'... she didn't understand why i laughed at her). i keep thinking that maybe i should go in for a non-stress test... and then she'll start moving more and i'll forget about it. i went for a non-stress test with lili, and felt so silly when everything was fine. i know that it's better safe than sorry, but i also know that our health care system is stretched to the max, and being in health care, i can't help being concerned about being part of the problem.

personally, i just think she's running out of kicking room.

so tired. must sleep.

oh - we have first and second name decided, just working on the third.

m.