Sick and sicker.

well, i survived my first illness while pregnant. i despise being sick while pregnant. while i'm not pregnant, i am a huge fan of taking mucho drugs to help with the symptoms. i never used to be - suffer and let nature take its course used to be my motto - but working full time, you don't always have a choice. so this whole no-drugs thing, i'm not a big fan.

i know i'll have to suffer through at least a few more illnesses before i'm done being pregnant. i typically get the stomach flu once per year. that'll be fun. oh well. i'll manage. the hard part is when both kids and ian get sick, in which case it doesn't matter if i'm sick or not. what is it my mom said... 'mom's aren't allowed to be sick'.

here's another fun fact: i'm about 2 weeks away from maternity clothes. yeah. apparently, very common for third and subsequent pregnancies. i know i was wearing them by the 4th month with Lili, but this is ridiculous. trying to think positive - at least i'll get my money's worth this time, with the clothes.

m.

Third time a charm

Ian and I are definately so excited for this baby. Not that we weren't excited with Cohen and Lili - we were - but there was a definate element of fear, and... I don't know... distraction. Our lives were so crazy and disordered. With Cohen, we bought a house, and we were both trying to graduate. With Lili, we had one-year-old Cohen to deal with. This time, well, we're both settled into our jobs, we're (almost) settled into our home, Cohen and Lili are so independant... it's wonderful to be able to know what to expect (knock on wood). I know that there is always the chance that things will happen differently, but I also know that there is no point in worrying. Speaking of worrying...

I would NOT recommend "What to Expect While Your Expecting" to any first-time mom. That stupid book filled me with so much fear during my first pregnancy. Oh yeah, the fear is mixed in with tidbits of good (if somewhat outdated) information. But in general... god. What a horrible book. There are dozens of better books that are far more accurate.

Anyways. There's such magic with each child. The first - you really have no idea. You can talk to as many people as you want, but you always know that you're in for a surprise. It's all a little bewildering. In fact, it's kind of funny, because I remember being somewhat bewildered until Lili came along! The first 2 years are so filled with newness. And along came miss Lili. I remember feeling so much more comfortable with Lili, but I also felt guilty. Cohen required so much attention, poor Lili spent a lot of time sitting in the bouncy-chair by herself. Luckily, she was such a content baby.

I do remember how different it felt immediately after each birth. With Cohen, I was completely elated (bewildered), and happy. Sort of a "oh, this is cool!". With Lili, I remember spontaneously bursting into tears, as soon as they said "healthy girl". We'd been so afraid of the possible problems caused by her single umbilical artery (side effects are rare but serious)... and, I think I refused to believe that it was actually a girl until she was born. And I never dreamed I'd have a daughter.

I can't help but wonder what I will feel with this baby. Sadness, perhaps, as this will be the last. Relief, for a third healthy child? We shall see.

One thing I'm trying not to think about is private music lessons for 3 children. Expensive!

All of my non-musician friends say "why don't you teach them?". Hahah. HAHAHAHA. Yeah. I'll stay a mile away from that.

Cheerios! (best toddler food ever).
M.

depression to euphoria

i can't wait to be done with the first trimester. my moods are becoming more and more unstable (just ask ian). everything seems very overwhelming to me - a feeling that is very rarely experienced by me. i come home from work and i just want to crawl into bed and rest until it's bedtime.

i haven't been able to even go to the gym. last week, i went to one swimming class - and i was yawning the entire time. i had hoped it would give me more energy, but not so. i could barely walk to the car when it was over. and i feel like my heartrate never increased at all, i was working so little.

and of course, not working out has left me blue and guilty. and so i feel big already too.

i have been napping every day for at least an hour, and i feel like i could handle double that easily. i'm not getting any housework done, which depresses me even further.

PLEASE, let the next 6 weeks go quickly!

Feed me!

Well, I'm feeling pretty yucky. Basically, if I don't eat every hour, I feel like I could crawl into a hole and die. So I'm snacking frequently, while still trying to follow my meal plan set out by my nutritionist. However I'm pretty sure her meal plan did not include anything about 2 mama burgers yesterday. But, I HAD TO HAVE THEM. Hilarious. Normally I'm a baby burger kind of person, but oh no, not yesterday.

I'm also still working out 5 days per week, when Ian's schedule allows it. Yesterday I went to the gym. WHY OH WHY do they have to have mirrors everywhere? The last thing I need to see is the tummy that I have worked so diligently to shrink over the last 6 months, grow bigger and bigger. Yes, it is inevitable. But do I need to see it? No...

The kids are so adorable about all of this. Cohen is desperately trying to think of names. Too bad for him we keep shooting down his suggestions. No, I do not want a son named "Spongebob". Or, "transformer". He's so sweet though...I get home from work and he asks, "how's baby feeling today, mom?". ADORABLE.

I have my first appointment with my family doc next week. I'll have to pee in a cup to make sure I'm really pregnant... and then he'll send me to the group of OB-GYN's that I went to for Cohen and Lili. Which kind of sucks. They are all competent docs, but overworked. I remember waiting 60 minutes to see them, and then being rushed through an appointment (2 minutes, no joke). And of course, since I see a different doc each time (there are 5 of them), sometimes they forget to tell me stuff. Like with Lili - "so, how is that gestational diabetes going?" WHAT???? yeah. They forgot to tell me (btw - I didn't actually have it. My levels were slighly elevated, but still in normal range. So they freaked me out for nothing).

I wish I could have a midwife instead. However, I do not have $3500. I am still considering a doula. It makes such a huge difference. If this was my first, for sure, without a doubt, I'd hire a doula. But for the third time... I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing. I just have to remember:

1 - labour at home for as long as humanly possible. no matter how much agony you are in, you're probably only 3cm or less (1st baby), or if you're lucky and wait it out, 5cm (2nd baby).
2 - ignore any attempts of nurses to get you to be quiet while in labour. it is not natural... the more grunting and yelling, the better. one has to release the pain somehow.
3 - ignore any attempts of nurses to get you on your back during labour. this is completely unnatural, and will cause the pain to multiply x100. they can start an IV and take my BP while i'm standing. and if they can't, i'll get ian to do it.
4 - let gravity help. squat, bend over, sit on your hands and knees... so much faster....
5 - it is NORMAL for the baby's heartrate to decelerate during contractions... don't panic, don't panic
6 - C-sections are far more convenient for docs. Plus they get paid more. They are a good thing when required, but it is estimated that 75% of C-sections are not actually required. Yes, those "emergency" C-sections.

UGH god why am i thinking about labour, so much time for that still...

well, time to eat again. and again. and again.

m.

Gloomy Mary

So, apparently as of today, I am officially 4 weeks pregnant. My friend Jill is 30 weeks right now. It seems like just yesterday that I found out she was pregnant. I'm hoping that the time really does go quickly.

I am giving up and telling people. I've already inadvertently referred to it without thinking a few times at work, so there's just no way I can keep this from people.

However, I would rather tell my closest friends first, so I'm sending out the email today.

Jill - I totally don't mean to copy you but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!

4 weeks pregnant. With Cohen, I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was nearly 8 weeks. I guess I knew this early with Lili, but I really have no memory of that pregnancy, I was so busy.

Symptoms - not many yet. Feeling tired, that's about it. I know the next month will likely be rough!

Oh yes - spaghetti absolutely turns my stomach. Which sucks. I love spaghetti.

All right, must go - maternity clothes shopping on E-Bay to do!

baby brain

it's happening already. i'm starting to forget where everything is. like, for example, the second pregnancy test that i bought. suddenly i'm freaked out that it was a false positive, and i really want to take the second test. however, i have searched high and low, to no avail.

luckily, the attack of baby brain is putting my fears at ease. non-pregnant, i rarely forget anything.

day 2. lots to go.

well, here is day 2 of knowing that i'm pregnant. the hardest part so far? not telling anyone other than family! i'm dying to tell people, at least my close friends. but i should probably wait until i've at least had it confirmed with the dr.

just started to realize how much we will be starting from scratch again. we got rid of everything, practically - the crib, bouncy chairs, 90% of the baby clothes, etc etc. i don't think i even own a single burping blanket anymore. well, maybe i'll get lucky and someone will throw me a babyshower! i'm trying to contain my immediate urge to go shop shop shop! i have been looking for maternity clothes already, as i just know that the ole' tummy is going to pop out any second. in fact, my pants have been fitting tighter this week. i'm totally not joking. i remember when i was pregnant with lili, people knew it after just a few months.

i'm feeling pretty good. yesterday was rough, i was really tired and nauseous. partially from no sleep and lots of freaking out. now that i've had some time to get used to the idea (actually, the idea is not the problem. it's the reality that threw me for a loop), i'm feeling much better today.

i'm really counting on time to go quickly. with the first baby, time is stupid-slow. the second baby - honestly, i don't remember being pregnant with Lili at all! hopefully the third will be the same-ish. not too fast - this is the last time i will be pregnant, so i'm hoping to enjoy it at least a little.


all right. let's see how long i can keep this secret. i'm guessing... not long at all. i'm terrible!

i've never been that great at tests, but....

took test at 3am-ish, didn't get back to sleep until 6am-ish. suddenly very panicky about the idea of a third child. going back and forth between joy and fear. result - nausea. guess it was bound to happen sooner or later!

due date - May 16.

i want to tell the whole world - but i also want to keep this quiet for awhile, at least until i sort out the worry from the big picture... we're having another baby!

results day

i have been feeling really PMS-y lately.

cranky, tired, bloated, irritable. and i've had a headache.

however - am going to buy a pregnancy test today. today is the earliest time that i would be able to take it. i should probably save my money and wait 4 days to see if aunt flo is coming for a visit. but i don't wanna wait :)

to be continued....