Happy 2009

I despise it when I fall behind on blogging! There is just so much going on, it's hard to keep track of it all!

We had a fantastic Christmas, and having said that, I'm SO relieved it's over. In fact, if I would have had my way, I would have packed up all the decorations on boxing day. It was EXHAUSTING this year! But worth it. We did pack it all up on New Years Day. I'm happy to have my house back to normal. Ha!

For New Years eve this year, Ian and I did... nothing. We dislike fighting the crowds anyways, and trying to find a sitter is pretty much impossible. Instead, we had some of the kids' friends over during the day, and then just drank some wine/beer and played Wii together. It was quite nice.

And so, here we are in 2009. I have a host of resolutions - but I have not yet had a chance to think clearly about them and put them on paper. There are the obvious ones - eating well, exercising... but I think it goes beyond that. Thank goodness I no longer have to add "quit smoking". 2 years this February! Amazing.

I have a lot of major decisions to make this year - mostly related to my career and my kids. I've made one decision already - I'm closing the door on my music career - or furthering it, anyways. My friend Gail put it nicely on her blog recently - basically, music is an all-or-nothing career. I just have too many other interests to give music the attention it deserves. I will still play with the ensembles I'm with, and teach whenever I can.

The first major step in this decision was to go through all of my music stuff. Boxes and boxes and boxes! The hardest step was throwing out all of my grad school applications - beautiful, glossy brochures from Juilliard, Eastman, Arizona, Louisiana... it broke my heart a little. But I kept reminding myself - I'm just making room for new dreams and goals in my life. Holding on to all of this stuff was causing indecision and clutter in my brain and my heart!

Once that was complete, I made a spreadsheet of all of my music supplies, decided which pieces I couldn't life without, and then emailed every flutist I knew. I'm selling it all. All of it! Out of sight, out of mind. I will always be a musician in my soul - and I have no regrets (having said that, I sure wish I'd done a double-degree in business admin or something)... how could I? Most of my closest friends I met through music. I've experienced the most amazing highs playing the flute. I have memories that I will carry with me forever.

So now what? Well, time is running out on that question. Ian wants to take at least 1.5 months of parental leave - which means I might be back at work as early as March 1. My heart breaks at the thought of leaving Luci. However - if Ian makes good on his word, I'll come home to a clean house and a hot meal every night. ! Seriously, I'm hopeful that work isn't as stressful when I don't have to try and do everything else as well.

A few other job opportunities have come up as well, both of which would mean going back to work a lot sooner than March. I feel like a fool, thinking about cutting my leave short, but sometimes there are opportunities that you just can't ignore.

And, I'm planning on taking some courses in the meantime. I've scrapped the idea of nursing - for now - because the reality is that I can't afford 4 more years of school. There's just no way.

I am starting 2009 a completely different person than I was last year. I've done so much thinking since starting my leave! Finally, some time to breathe, some time to look back and more importantly, to look forward. I feel like for the first time in years, I've had a chance to actually sit back, and think! It's like I've been living life in this odd bubble. It's so nice, but it also means I have time to consider all of the options and consequences, whereas typically in the past I would just act on instinct all of the time, and if it didn't work out, well, onward!

And so, I hope you'll keep tuning into this blog to see where the year takes the Swaffield family! So much adventure to come, I'm sure. Luci will be crawling any day (god help us all), Cohen has learned how to read, and Lili wants to take Karate lessons. Ian wants to take a cooking class, and me... well, we'll have to see!

Happy New Year everyone!