gogogogogogogogo!

i'm exhausted today. the last few days at work have been very tiring, as i haven't been feeling very well and all i've wanted to do is go home and sleep. no such luck, of course. the chairs at work are terrible - both chairs i've been given are broken, so i've been having back/hip problems. today, i pulled something in my right shoulder (funny - i did this trying to carry all of the kids' stuff out of the van, and lift lili at the same time etc etc) too. and... this is so weird... the only pair of maternity pants i have that i can wear to work (aka not jeans), well, they are too small now. right in the waist, where the elastic belly starts - this section, when i sit at work, pulls SO tight across my abdomon. whenever i am sitting for too long, baby starts to kick somewhat frantically, and i have this horrible (and totally inaccurate) image of her being crushed by my pant-waistline. too funny. but painful too!

so i can't put off buying new pants any longer. even if i order them today, it will still be 3 weeks before i get them. i may have to beg my boss to allow me to either wear jeans or yoga pants to work for awhile. ugh.

anyways, definitely not feeling 100%. in the midst of craziness with alberta winds - seems that i've bitten off more than i can chew there - plus craziness at work, and the usual whirlwind of family life at home. today, lili started swimming lessons again, and i almost burst into tears when the lifeguard told us, as we walked out of the changeroom that we were 10 minutes early (aka 5 minutes late for me), and could we please go wait in the bleachers. why the tears? because the bleachers require climbing about 15 stairs. yeah, not alot, unless you're carrying 1)a super-heavy and awkward purse with tons of files in it that need working on 2)2 jackets (the kids') and 3)a goddamn baby that apparently doesn't realize that she's only 25 weeks.

the thought of climbing those stairs, getting the kids settled, and then climbing back down... so instead, i just had lili wait in the shower for 10 minutes. anyways, as cohen and i sat in the bleachers minutes later, i put my head in my arms, leaned on the railing, and i'm pretty sure that i fell asleep.

of course, the more stressed i become, the more uncomfortable my belly gets. i KNOW stress is bad... but it seems unavoidable. life can't just stop so that i can be pregnant. the kids' activities are already going to be somewhat curbed after baby comes - no fair to them to take them away now, too.

i don't know. i have a week of vacation time available to me at work, but i fear that taking it now would be a mistake - things are only going to get more stressful the further along i get. best to wait until the end of march or something.

anyways. that's my sob story tonight. i have so many chores i should do tonight (although ian did lots already today, thank god for small favours), but i'm thinking maybe 8:30 is bedtime!

through all of this... i am so grateful to be healthy with 2 healthy kids and a so-far healthy baby. i just... i dunno. need a break.

i know - 18 years or so, i'll get one. if i'm lucky!