36 weeks... less than a month to go!

well, 36 weeks! crunch time. i really should get a move on, there is so much left to do. there is just no time - anytime i am off, i have the kids - usually all 4 of them. i really need to find a sitter for a few hours so that i can drag my waddling self to the store! i still need to finish the border in the girls' room, and buy a few things as well - a changing table pad, a stoller that will fit my carseat, a baby bathtub, some sweaters/hats for baby, SOCKS for baby (how did i miss this!), and possibly new bottles. more on that later.

i'm feeling ok. i did not hear from the doctor this week, but i have a sneaking suspicion that unless it was something emergent, they wouldn't call me anyways, knowing that i'm in every week for my regular appointment. ian and i talked about it a lot and decided to wait until wednesday. no matter what is potentially "wrong", there is nothing we can do to change it between now and wednesday, and so we decided to enjoy the next few days and deal with whatever it is when the time comes. of course, ian is working wednesday, so i'll be on my own. but in a way that's good too, because if there is bad news, other than ian i don't think i'd want anyone else around.

have i mentioned how much i love ian? i called him that day, after the u/s, fairly hysterical. if you know me at all, you know that i rarely ever cry. and i almost never lose control to the point where i can barely speak... which is how i was when i called him. he must have been shocked... but he said the exact right thing... that it doesn't matter if there is something "wrong" with this baby, or if there isn't. it's still our baby, and we'll still love it no matter what. and that if this baby has downs syndrome, then how lucky for the baby to have parents like us.

of course this all made me cry that much harder, because i knew that's how i felt but i was so worried how he would feel. i'm the one, after all, who really wanted a third child. i was worried that he would somehow resent me for pushing the idea, for pushing the odds.

anyway, this is all hopefully a moot point - i keep telling myself, this was my 4th (actually 5th, if you count the one at 7 week) ultrasound. surely they would have seen something earlier - especially since i just had one a few weeks prior to this one.

i've only got 1.5 weeks left of work - that's pretty amazing. i hope i get at least a few days after that before baby comes. i've been having some signs or my body getting ready - lots of irregular contractions, cramps, lower back pain, nausea - but none of the "for sure" signs that i remember having with lili. of course, every pregnancy is different, i keep reminding myself. last night i had the sudden "nesting" urge ("thank god, it's about time" ian said... i'll admit my contribution to housework has suffered of late), and managed to get all but the kitchen cleaned. 3 solid hours of cleaning and organizing, actually. and boy, am i paying the price today - my back is killing me! so that's another sign... except i remember nesting for 3 weeks or so before labour.

i really want a may baby, not an april baby, so i'm content to let her stay put for a few more weeks at least. april is slightly congested with birthdays already - mine, lili's, ian's mom, and several of my friends. plus, april in calgary = snow (trust me, having an april birthday i can tell you that it happens every year... let's not forget the blizzard that blew in the day that lili was born... and btw, have you looked out the window yet today?). may is slightly safer in that regard.

i do know of 3 other ladies who are due the same weekend as me. one of my former students, an old pal from jr/sr high, the wife of a friend from high school... and don't forget, we're all due on the long weekend. i suspect it is going to be crazy-busy that weekend in L&D, so i'm counting on being slightly early. plus, my mom is out of the country from the 4-11th or something like that, so...

all right. less than a month to go. i can't wait to sleep on my tummy again...

m