stupid stupid stupid

so, after work today i decided to take a foray into the mall, against my better judgement... but i had to get some party supplies at the dollar store, and plus, since neither ian nor the kids had a chance to get me anything for my birthday this year (no comment), i figured i'd treat myself to a new pair of payless shoes and maybe even a new purse.

now, the stores for the above items are halfway down the mall, but i figured i could handle it. i only had 30 minutes to shop anyways, as i had to pick lili up and then drive waaaaayyyy far away to pick cohen up from his friends house.

the dollar store went ok - it was really crowded, and i was suddenly boiling hot, but i grabbed a ton of mismatched party items (it hurts the Martha in me to even admit that), some treats for goody bags, and i was outta there.

next stop - payless shoes. i'm really hot by now, and carrying my over-filled purse and a large bag from the dollar store. but if anything will cheer me up, it'll be shoes. i first search for a pair of new sneakers for cohen (it is BOGO after all), which takes me about 10 minutes. i know if i choose incorrectly, i'll have to come back and exchange. luckily, i'm pretty sure i know what cohen will like, and settle on just the right pair. onto my shoes... unfortunately, i forgot that being 9 months pregnant makes your feet swell. a LOT. so my desire to get a cute pair of sandals for the summer, yeah, not happening. i bite back the tears of frustration, and settle on a cute pair of runners.

that done, i head across to the kiosk with all of the purses. unfortunately, by that point, i'm pretty much fried. my feet hurt, my back hurts, i'm dripping sweat, and dammit anyways, it's 5pm, time to go. i promise myself a new purse after baby comes. AND a new wallet, just to make up for the delay. (I am telling myself at this point that i will not let the diaper bag turn into my purse this time around).

so, i begin the long and now extremely painful walk to the other end of the mall, out to the parking lot. the cool air outside feels wonderful, and i wobble my way to the van. i shove my hand into the depths of my purse, trying not to drop the various bags i'm carrying. as i do, a picture flashes in my brain:

my keys, i'm suddenly certain, are sitting on my desk back up in the office.

i frantically rummage through my purse... nothing. i check the time... 5:05pm. FWORD! everyone has probably left the office already. i search the parking lot, and sure enough, i don't recognize any cars. i frantically use my cell phone (which, thank GOD is charged and working for the first time all week) to call my boss. luckily, our first aid instructor trainer is still up on the 4th floor. maybe.

i dash (ok, let's get serious, there was very little actual "dashing" involved) back inside, over to the professional building, up the elevator. i decide to try the second floor where our main office is, just in case. nope, door is locked. back to the elevator, up to the fourth floor. i yank the classroom door open, and thank god, there is jeff, packing up to leave. he gives me his keys, and back i go to the elevator, to the 2nd floor. i am praying at this point that if my keys are indeed sitting on my desk as i suspect, that i have left MY office door unlocked. otherwise, i'm pooched.

whew, door is unlocked (a habit i've been recently subscribing to, due to pregnancy brain issues), and sure enough, there sit my keys. i grab them, limp my way to the elevator again. on the way back up to the fourth floor, i catch a glance of myself in the mirror. really, really wish i hadn't. i'm pale and sweating, my hair is messed up, and i have wicked bags under my eyes, thanks to a mostly sleepless night. great. anyways - drop the keys off to jeff, back to the elevator, back down to the main floor, and finally, FINALLY i throw everything into the van, guzzle a litre or so of water (not smart), rest my head on the steering wheel and think about crying.

i only think about it because i realize that it's 5:20. i'm really, really late!

i manage to pick up lili only slightly late (5:45) and cohen really late (6:15), and as i'm getting him into the van i decide to ignore the fact that it smells like my engine is on fire. surely it has nothing to do with my going over the 12 speed bumps in this neighborhood at 60k. can't possibly.

drive home, ordering pizza on the way. thank god, i think, thank god that ian spent the day cleaning the house, and now all i have left to do is small things, like dust, wipe down surfaces, maybe organize the fridge and that kind of thing.

open the door, carrying my 3 shopping bags, kitty, blankie, and cohen's backpack.

i'm greated by... a house that is undeniably 10x messier than it was when i left in the morning. i throw everything on the floor, and take a quick circuit through the house. i'm in shock. in the 4 - no, 5! hours he had, he managed to change the kitty litter, put up a curtain rod, bring up a bin of clothing i asked for... and didn't get around to the whole "cleaning up" part of my list. that's right, i left the man a list. i left him a list because today is the only chance he'll have to help me out before the party.

i kid you not, i sent the kids downstairs, and sat on my sofa and wept hysterically for an hour straight. not because everything wouldn't get done - but because it will. somehow, i'll find a way to get it done, i always do. but honestly, a big part of me was contemplating canceling this party. of course, i could never break lili's heart like that. which is why it will all get done.

i called ian to yell at him... luckily, he didn't answer. even more lucky for him, he hasn't called back. i fed the kids, took a bath, bathed them, and now they're in bed. my back spasms have stopped, and i figure i can get in at least an hour of deep cleaning tonight. i'm a little more calm, so if ian calls, i'm going to just not mention it. he is who he is - and i know from experience that when he cleans, it's more... hmm... 30 minutes of standing in front of the tv watching star trek to every 5 minutes of cleaning. he means well (i have to believe that), but he's so absent minded and easily distracted.

sigh.

i just hope he doesn't have any real expectation that he'll be able to come home from work tomorrow morning and go right to bed. nuh-uh. i'm getting at least an hour of solid SUPERVISED cleaning from him first!

m.