Christmas Card Stress

One my favourite things about Christmas are Christmas cards. I absolutely love everything about them, especially the ritual of getting them ready. Here's my trusty "how-to" list when it comes to the tradition of Christmas cards:

1 - buy cards. this is only necessary if you don't have time to hand-make your cards. each year i lament that i do not have the time to hand-make my cards. luckily, the kids at cohen's school make them for me. oh yes - ignore the vague notion you have that you bought cards after Christmas last year at a wicked discount. never happened. trust me.
2 - make a list of who you will send them to. make sure you leave at least 15 spaces on the list for a) people you forget and b) people who send you cards unexpectedly.
3 - fill out the envelopes. this step takes at least 3 weeks as you track down the exact same addresses that you spent 3 weeks tracking down last year. of course, you wrote them all in one place and put it "somewhere special". you know. the place where every important document of your life currently resides. relax, you'll find it all one day.
4 - start writing in the cards. remember, it is clearly against the rules to write the same phrase in more than one card. that means you will need to come up with 40-ish different ways of saying Merry Christmas and Happy New Year... and remember to add something personal. Good luck with all that.
5 - if you have children, it is expected that you will include photographs of said children. don't forget to write the name of the child as well as the month and year the photo was taken on the back of each photo. hint: don't use any gel pen. it never seems to dry and smudges whatever you bothered to write. for those who are truly "with it", get a family portrait taken with a Christmas background, and include that. Keener.
6 - spend 3 more weeks writing a family newsletter. this is harder than it sounds - you must be careful not to sound too boastful, too stressed, too happy, too sad, too Christmas-y, not Christmas-y enough... and, you must be able to sum your year up in 2 pages or less. in fact, 1 is preferable, but if you can't do it, don't worry, you're not alone. my letter is typically 5 pages. one you're done writing the letter, you must forget about it for at least 2 more weeks. and then you have to run to Staples to buy fancy paper. and then go back to Staples again, because you will run out of ink.
7 - time to put everything in the envelope. card, photos, letter. oh, and now is a good time to finish addressing the envelopes, which you gave up on after no-one returned your emails requesting their addresses. of course, you have already received their cards, and can now use their return-address label for reference. (note: don't be deceived. this is a nefarious practice utilized by people who want to one-up you by ensuring that you know that they can keep track of address's better than you, and are all-around more organized by you. in retaliation, you will need to hand-make their card. yes, this means going to Staples again.)
8 - take a break to celebrate Christmas with your family. in fact, take a week off. you've earned it.
9 - sometime in mid-January, go and purchase stamps. in fact, you might as well purchase next years cards while you're out, probably at a wicked 50% discount. put these "somewhere special".
10 - on Valentines day, mail them. go eat chocolate and drink wine - you've earned it!