give me strength!

after a really fun-filled 2-3 days of dealing with the stomach flu, I woke up today with a horrendous head cold.

being sick while pregnant is so crappy! i miss my cold drugs!

i'm starting to seriously wonder if i will make it through this entire pregnancy without losing my job. i missed thurs/fri last week (and i've already used up my sick days for 2007 - though really, who only is sick 5 days/year!??!?). i'm plugging away at work today but honestly, i should be home in bed. my concentration level sucks, and i'm probably making everyone miserable. i'm trying to hang in there, but whenever i look at the calendar and see that i have 6 months to go, i get overwhelmed with anxiety and fatigue.

my initial plan was to work up until may 1st. technically, i'm allowed to go on mat leave as early as 3 months prior to my due date. i wanted to work as late as possible for financial reasons, and for work-related reasons. however, now i'm thinking that maybe i should give myself at least a month to prepare. and rest.

here's a really, really sad story.

ian had a call this past weekend, and it was for a spontaneous abortion. which is what they call a miscarriage after 12 weeks. poor, poor ian. he said (this is sort of graphic) that when he first walked in, he could see the little feet. isn't that AWFUL? he actually froze. his partner would have taken over but he had to administer the morphine, so ian actually had to take care of the delivery. 14 weeks.

it did not escape ian's notice that i am nearly 14 weeks pregnant. same as this poor woman. ian is pretty haunted by the experience. while i feel sad for the woman, i also know that in most instances, these things happen because there is something "wrong" with the baby. i try not to think about. i put my faith in something greater, and trust that everything happens for a reason.

otherwise, i'd go crazy. there are times when i think, i have two perfectly healthy (so far!) kids, why push it by trying for a third? who is to say that our luck will hold? but really, i can't live my life that way, with so much fear. so instead, i just have to have a little faith.

anyways, sorry for the sad and somewhat gruesome story, but i just can't imagine what ian's going through. poor guy.

much happier news - today is my good friend Jill's due date! she has been through so much before and during this pregnancy (including a stubborn baby who decided to stay breech until the very, very last possible moment before turning!), i am so excited that she has made it through it all. hopefully baby Camwell won't make them wait too much longer! I wouldn't wish an induction on my worst enemy - although no matter how things go, the end result is always worth it. but i know how much a natural birth means to her, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that baby will come on his own.

sometimes i wish i could go back and be a first time mom all over again. it was such a sweet experience. of course, i wish i could go back, knowing what i know now! isn't that just the way it always is!

i also found out that one of my previous flute students is due the day before i am. congrats Trista!

and of course, our friends Mel and Murray are due to have their first (a girl) in December.

i also have some suspicions regarding a few other friends, but i will wait until they announce any news before i do!


i found out today that my OB accidentally filled out my u/s requisition form incorrectly. she had put the dates as Nov-15-Nov30 for me to have it done... so of course i called to make an appointment... and they pointed out to me that i would only be 14-16 weeks along at that point. so, i have to call back and schedule it for late december. it will be a christmas present for us i guess!

most recent development - i have started nesting. finally put some pictures up in the basement, and started creating different areas for play. made a schedule for each day (long story) for the kids, started to clean out my closet. have decided to re-paint our room (scarlet was a great idea and i loved it... for a month. back to a brighter, lighter colour now). went through all of the kids clothing, figuring out what we would need for the winter.

this is ian's second favourite part of me being pregnant. i get more done in the last 2 trimesters than i typically do in a year. i've been looking forward to it myself for a few months. christmas is a great time to nest.

ok, i should actually work. more later!